Hengci recalls the last time he'd seen Xu Laoshi.

He'd been waiting by his car for him, right outside the police station. And just like today Hengci had stood frozen, unable to go to him.

So Xu Wen had gone over instead and stood before the wide-eyed and distraught eighteen-year-old.
Tian Hengci was taller than most boys his age, but Xu Laoshi was taller than them all. On this day however, he remained on the ground and refused to head up the three steps that would have him towering over Hengci.
He kept his distance, and Hengci had known for the first time what it meant to have your heart broken.

Laoshi, he'd wanted to call out to him, but his throat was too parched, and the words wouldn't form. 

So all he'd been able to do was stare spiritlessly at the man that had given him the best glimpse of what it meant to be loved.

"You're free," he'd said to him.

And then he'd turned around to leave.

Hengci had watched as he strolled across the parking lot, and only when his car door was jerked open was Hengci finally able to find his words.
"What about you?" he'd yelled out, his voice a woeful croak.

Xu Wen had paused.

Look at me, Hengci pleaded in his heart. Please. Look at me.

Xu Wen did much better than that.

He slammed the door shut, and once again, strolled back across the parking lot to Hengci. But still, he refused to head up to meet him.

"I'm not mad at you," he said. "You're a child, and you made a mistake."

Red hot tears filled Tian Hengci's eyes.

Xu Wen watched him for a long time, and then he sighed. "I'm leaving," he said. "I wish you well. Truly."

He began to turn around once more, and Hengci had somehow found his guts. "Take me with you."

Xu Wen smiled, wryly. "And why would I do that?

"I want to go with you. There's no place for me here."

Xu Wen sighed again. "There's no place for me here either. There's no place for me anywhere. I have to go and try again... to create one. Do the same."

"Please."

"I'm getting married."

"Don’t."

Xu Wen gave him a hard look, and for the last time, turned around and walked away.

Hengci had never bothered afterwards to search for him. There was no point. Xu Laoshi was the most willful man he knew, second only to himself. And once he said they were done, then that was exactly what they were.

In the present, Hengci lifts his gaze to stare at himself in the bathroom mirror.

"Are we though? Truly done?"

He saw you and looked away.

Bile rises up his throat.
"Hengci," the bathroom door is suddenly swung open and Yin Qi appears. "They need you at the bar."

"Isn't Wu Shen  here yet?"

"He isn't. He called and said his car broke down. He's been trying to get it repaired."

"He couldn't take a taxi?"Yin Qi's lips part to respond but then he shuts it, and gives a shrug instead.
Hengci shuts his eyes and tries to contain his temper. At least he is able to identify the first emotion he feels... and it is anger.

It enables him to return to work. The woman is still there, and although she watches him, she doesn't say a word. He doesn’t speak to her either and focuses solely on serving the patrons, cleaning glasses, and wiping down the counter.

But from time to time, however, his gaze cannot help but stray to that table.

But from time to time, however, his gaze cannot help but stray to that table.

"Goodnight Hengci," the woman eventually rises to her feet. "I have an early flight to Beijing to catch."

Hengci watches her departure, and then he calls out.

"What's your name?"

She stops and sends him a smile. "I thought you'd never ask."

Then she looks over to Xu Wen's table.

"I'll tell you next time," she says. "If, you tell me how things go with him."

>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<

Hengci turns to face the sink.

Next time.

Next time.

The word repeats over and over in his head, and as the seconds tick away, he cannot help but wonder if, for him and Laoshi, there will be a 'next time'.

He's wondered about this over the past seven years, but now that one 'next time' has come, he wonders if there will ever be another. And if there will be, how long would he have to wait this time around? Another seven years? Perhaps ten? Twenty?

And why the hell does he keep waiting? Why can't he let go?

As is usual, there is a rap on the counter for his attention, but he doesn't respond to it at first. It comes again, but he takes the few seconds needed to tuck his emotions away before he can turn to attend to it.

"I need a glass."

The voice is tranquil, like the hum of ocean waves, but then it crashes against the rock that is his heart and Hengci feels the chill seep deep into his bones.

His gaze lifts to the warm glow reflected along the row of bottles before him, as he wonders how he should respond.

He wants to turn around but he doesn't know if he can hold his gaze. He recalls Laoshi's eyes as soft but yet piercing, and dark... incredibly dark. And he doesn't know if he's ready to look into them again.

"Tian Hengci," the call comes, and his chest burns.

Never one to cower, he grabs a glass as requested and turns around to face him. And just like that he is eighteen all over again and struck in love to the point of madness.

A certain memory comes to mind of a moment between them. He doesn’t even remember when this was. Perhaps it was in Laoshi's home during one of those unreal times when the world seemed to solely revolve around them.

"What is love?" Hengci had asked, and Xu Wen had shaken his nearly empty can of beer.

"Love?" he'd reiterated distractedly. And then he'd made a face that'd induced Hengci's smile.

"What love? Does it even exist?" A scoff.

Xu Wen had then drained the can and tossed it at Hengci. Hengci hadn't even paid it any mind as it'd bounced off his chest, fallen to the floor, and rolled.

His gaze always and solely was on this man, and he couldn't help but think then of just how much he loved this unruly side of him.

Not many people got to see this side, Hengci was certain, if anyone at all.

"You're my teacher. Shouldn't you be the one to tell me if it does?"

"Well I have no clue," Xu Wen replied, his toes digging into the side of Hengci's thigh on the couch they were both sprawled upon.

And then he'd smiled, thoughtfully and easily. "Maybe someday you'll know? When you do, let me know?"

His eyes had sparkled and Hengci had saved that image and moment to be revisited forever.

Today, he knows, and if Laoshi were to ask him that question again, his answer would be very simple.

"Every second I spent with you."

Hengci knows that he is whipped.

Has been and probably always will be, and there is great reason for it. There is also however, great reason for Xu Wen to not want anything to do with him. Several, in fact.

But as he stares at him, for the first time in seven long and gruesome years, he finds that he is still unable to thoroughly convince himself that any of them are reason enough to keep this man out of his reach forever.

Quietly, he sets the glass down on the counter.

Xu Wen's gaze lowers to it.

"Can I get a drink?"

"What do you want?" Hengci asks.

"Aberlour. Neat."

Hengci gets to work. He retrieves the malt scotch and then pours the measure into the tumbler.

Xu Wen watches him, and not till Hengci is done does he say another word.

"It's been a while..."

Hengci turns around to replace the bottle, and then he returns with a napkin to wipe the counter.

"How have you been?"

Hengci can no longer remain silent. "If you want to have a conversation with me, then take a seat."

Xu Wen watches him, deeply. "I can't. I have to return to my table."

Hengci stops then and grabs the edge of the counter. Then he looks up.

Xu Wen's smile is subtle, and Hengci feels his knees quiver.

"You haven't changed much," Laoshi says. "You almost still look the same"

'You haven't changed much either,' Hengci wants to say, 'but somehow you look even better.'

He keeps this thought to himself.

His teacher's gaze peruses his face and then it goes to his ear, and Hengci knows he is looking at the earring wrapped around his outer lobe.

His hand lifts… and Hengci's breath catches.

Xu Wen then strokes the ring, his touch feather-light, yet searing the skin.

"Interesting," he says, and Hengci cannot believe that he is letting this happen. It was as though the moment Xu Wen's hand had lifted, he had turned to stone.

He regains his senses, and Xu Wen's hand is brushed away.

He smiles, and Hengci resumes breathing.

"Are you done with school?"

Hengci picks up the napkin again and continues to wipe.

Another patron comes up to the bar then, and Hengci's gives them his attention.

"Can I have a Greyhound?"

With a nod, he gets to work, while Xu Wen continues watching him, his glass lifted to his lips.

Hengci watches his hand tremble as he strains the grapefruit juice and vodka over ice, and then garnishes with a citrus wedge.

"Thank you," he is told and is once again left alone with Laoshi.

"Here," Xu Wen suddenly says and Hengci turns to see the QR code generated on his phone screen.

A previously lodged shard twists in his chest. He doesn't want Xu Wen to leave. He wants him to remain, and to keep asking questions that Hengci has no intention of responding to. He just wants to hear him speak, about everything and nothing.

And… he wants to touch his hand.

So he goes over and lowers, his eyes on the screen as he rests on his elbows. Then he looks up and gazes into Xu Wen's eyes.

"I can get us a room," he says. "Care to pay for it?"

The bar is already dim, but Hengci very clearly sees Xu Wen's eyes darken.

"And why would we need a room?"

"You know why," he replies.

Xu Wen swallows, and Hengci follows the slow bob of his larynx down his throat.

"It's long overdue, isn't it? Isn't it high time we got it over with?"

His gaze returns to Xu Wen's.

"I'm an adult now. A real one."

Shaking his head, Xu Wen starts to pull his phone away, but Hengci grabs his wrist.

Xu Wen's eyes lower to the hand that has caught him. The seconds tick by, and then he smiles.

"Since you're a real adult now, then why don’t you pay for the room? For us? After all, I have housed you before."

Hengci's eyes glower.

"I'm not joking," he says, and Xu Wen lowers, too, his face coming to within an inch of Hengci's.

Hengci is not certain if he staggers or not, but he does feel the ground beneath his feet give way as Xu Wen's warmth and scent overwhelms everything else, and surrounds him like a spell.

"And you think I am?"

His eyes go to Hengci's lips... and then he sighs.

"It's a shame," his sweet breath washes over Hengci.

"What is?" Hengci manages to croak out.

"A lot of things."

He straightens and pulls his hand out of Hengci's grip. Hengci too stands upright and watches as Xu Wen returns his phone to the inner pocket of his jacket.

"Pay for my drink," he says. "It's the least you could do."

He turns around to leave, and the question blurts from Hengci's lips.

"Are you still married?"

Xu Wen pauses, and Hengci's gaze roams down his slim, gorgeous body.

"Why wouldn't I be?" is his response.

Hengci feels the room tilt. "That's not an answer."

"Then yes, I am."

Words fail him. Grief surges within.

"It's great to see you again Hengci," Xu Wen says but remains in the same spot, and Hengci cannot look away.

He takes in the short crop of his hair revealing huge ears that Hengci too wants to stroke his thumb across, and the slightly longer bangs by the side that Hengci wants to trace the curve of and brush away from the tip of his brow.

Then he admires the striking fit of his jacket- leather- and the crisp white shirt underneath, coupled with a dark slim tie.

Hengci lifts his gaze and sees the gloom in Laoshi's eyes.

It truly is a shame.

Xu Wen walks away, and Hengci's heart wrenches in his chest.