Christmas Independence

    Mila is home alone today, home alone on Christmas Eve. A big house only makes her more lonely; the house is silent and her own noises are loud. The sound of her footsteps and breathing are the only noises. To others being alone on Christmas is a horrible one, but not for Mila. 

    Mila woke up, like a ghost in a horror movie wearing a long white nightgown much too big for her. Long, slightly touching the floor, dull black hair. It wasn’t pretty as she had no time to care for it, yet she was denied when asked to cut it. Her milk chocolate skin made her seem like she'd fade out of existence at any time. She had the aloof and sluggish appearance of a princess locked in a tower for years, gold and riches should be enough to make her happy as the witch and her lover kept her company yet she always felt lonely, willing to exchange her riches for a modest normal life. Maybe Mila’s look of invisibility or disappearance is what caused the witch to be so wary of a runaway, though Mila used to think nothing of the sort. If an assassin were to appear, she’d be too tired to be shocked or react and just ask to have the assassin disappear or stay- The Assassin never stayed for long.

    Mila got off the bed with heavy bags under her eyes, despite having no reason to not sleep well according to the perfect family life her family says she has. She had made sure she was truly home alone by checking lights and listening for any T movements or sounds, with a thin-walled house it would not be difficult to find out who was home. Once she made sure she took a shower and did a complex skincare routine she usually doesn’t have the energy to do so often, but she felt energized contrary to her facial expressions. While doing so she breathed it in “All alone..” she whispered as she patted her face to dry. She went into her closet, she’s recently started buying her own clothes, something she’s started to do as she gets older to be more independent, she got her own makeup with no idea of how to apply it. Simply being happy that she was able to keep it since before it would have been thrown away. An outfit she picked was complemented by friends and family, their words of praise not meaning much till she was able to pick out clothes herself. Her outfit looked more for New Year than Christmas but it didn’t stop her from wearing it. She put on reindeer headbands, and Santa socks and went to the living room, completely shrouded in darkness. Even though Mila was afraid of the dark, she was not afraid of this. Knowing she was alone gave her comfort.

     It was obvious that Mila is much too happy being alone for such an important holiday, when it hit 12 am Mila shouted to herself “Merry Christmas in joy”. An extravagant meal she made herself, knowing she had to finish it all before her family came back, eating breakfast at midnight made her mood even better, for the first time in a while she really seemed to be enjoying life. She didn’t have a way of communicating with friends until her family came back so the only person she can congratulate is herself. A big grin was stuck on her face, she went to the bathroom, took a deep breath, and cut her hair. Barely noticeable yet Mila felt so accomplished. Not a single gift but she can call it her best Christmas yet. Freedom and Independence are what she felt, her precious hair which she loathed yet her mother adored. Feeling trapped goes without saying for Mila, as her mother is a very “protective” mother. A “Things always go my way” type of parent, she’s been embarrassed and teased by the same friends her mother introduced her to, yet when she talks it’s always “Pick better friends” or “Don’t trust them”. At this point in time, she could no longer trust any who basked in her presence, as a noble who has something to gain from a pleasant conversation, laughing but not really laughing and enjoying without truly enjoying. Having an opportunity to not feel inclined to call her friends put a weight off her chest, her mother talked to impress, so she talked to impress, making trusting and having fun a difficult challenge. 

     You can argue that she actually was lonely but in a different way. She felt alone since she could never express herself properly or she felt alone because who she really wanted to be with and who she wanted to be was and is not attainable. You could argue that it wasn’t loneliness but just a teenager yearning for independence and the fatigue of dependence, wanting to be free from the chains called “A child” the world has placed on her without any understanding of her character. You could say it’s all of the above and Mila herself wouldn't give you an answer; she was too busy enjoying the moment which she knew could not last for long.

      As the family came back into the house and called Mila down, to which she was sleeping midday of Christmas, Mila sluggishly walked down the stairs in pajamas and a bun. A tired expression and an unwilling attitude told her family everything they needed to know. They called her lazy and she agreed as she walked back to her room and dropped onto the bed, “What did you do while we were away? You better not have done something you weren’t supposed to. Were you a good girl?” Mila held back a laugh and smiled, “I laid in bed all day. Didn’t feel like getting up.” Her family laughed “That’s so like you” Mila closed her eyes and nodded in agreement, still faintly smiling.