I had left the inn instantly, hoping to catch up to Elijah before he could disappear in the cold autumn night. But it seemed I was too late.

I scoured the surroundings of the tavern, the stables, and the remainder of the caravan that sat outside the village, calling his name all the while. I even visited all the watering holes I could find in the vicinity, but I was unable to catch another glimpse of the man that stole my heart.

He must have heard me at some point, and have chosen to ignore me.  

I deserved it.

I was such a fool. Treating my soulmate to cheap pick-up lines and the prospect of a quick romp in the hay. It was no wonder he was offended.

He could not possibly know the true extent of my feelings. And even if he was stricken by the same arrow, and did have the notion that I would feel the same, he was probably cursing out the gods for hooking him up with such a sleaze.

And here I was worried my reputation would destroy my chances to woo my fated. Turns out I can do that very well just by being myself.

I retraced my steps for a third time, the village's taverns now closed and my voice hoarse from yelling. But I could not stop searching for him. He was part of the caravan, so he had to be here. And if I did not find him now, I may never see him again.  

More and more people were screaming back at me to shut up. Someone even flung an empty bottle at me from a window, shattering it on the cobblestones right next to my feet.

I did not care. I kept walking and searching and calling his name over and over again, until I heard a familiar voice.

“Viv, for fuck’s sake! Stop ruining your voice and get your ass back inside RIGHT NOW!” Ed scolded me, his gruff voice laden with equal parts anger and worry.

I flung myself into his embrace, crying that I had messed up with Elijah, botching my one chance at true love. Edmund didn’t even respond in his usual business-like manner, but opened his arms to me and held me as I shook from grief.

“Damnit Viv…” he sighed, stroking my hair as I wept against his shoulder. “There, there. Now come back to the inn with me and tell me what happened.”

On our way back to the inn, my breathing slowly returned back to normal. I noticed my throat was dry and ragged, which was only to be expected after I had been running around in the October chill yelling my lungs out for gods know how long.

The inn was closed when we returned, but they must have been expecting us, because when Ed called, an older lady opened the door. Her face was wrought with worry until she laid eyes on me.

“Ah, you’ve found him.” She sighed, visibly relieved.

“Could you fetch him some honeywine please?” Edmund asked her, and she immediately scuttled behind the bar to comply. Besides the three of us the entire place was dark and empty. Overnight guests had all retreated to their beds, and the staff had returned home. All but the old lady, who was now pouring Ed another drink as well.

She locked the door behind us and disappeared after she did so, bidding us a good night. We sat by the light of two small torches, quietly sipping our drinks. I didn’t not enjoy the taste of mine, since sweet drinks were never my favourite. But I could feel the calming effect the thick liquid had on my throat, so I savoured it regardless.

When I finally told Edmund what happened he didn’t react at all like I would have imagined.

I hoped he would have been supportive, offering his aid in finding Elijah, maybe even coming up with one of his ingenuous plans. I however dreaded he’d say something like ‘it’s just a guy’, dismissing my feelings altogether. In the most likely scenario my mind had concocted, Ed would mock me for being a fool, and tell me to get over it.

He did not. Instead, he told me he was proud of me.

This baffled me to such an extent, I could only stare at him in complete befuddlement.

“I am sorry that you didn’t get the man you wanted, but I’m glad that you didn’t let that pretty face sway you into jeopardising our earnings.” He explained, when he noticed my astonishment.

“I understand you now feel like you’ve slighted him. But believe me, you did not. From the way you describe your conversation it seems to me that he had no purer intentions than you did. And I can’t help but be suspicious of a man whose libido evaporates in an instant, as soon as it is clear that the lustful activities you’re both aiming for are not going to place in the most pampered of circumstances. It makes me think that his objective was in your room rather than in your pants.”

I could not believe his words. How could he possibly project upon my beloved such a wretched motivation? I was aware of the dangers of travelling around with a large amount of money. And I recognised the possibility that some less virtuous people could be tempted to pocket some extra cash if they stumbled upon such after a single night of passion. Yet Elijah was my soulmate. And deep in my heart I knew he must feel it too.

He did not disappear because I had thwarted his chances to rob me. He disappeared because I treated our sacred bond like any other hook-up. Worse even, for I didn’t even respect him enough to offer to share my bed. Hell, he probably didn’t even realise there would be money in that room. If he did, he might have understood my hesitation.

Or not. For it would have signalled I did not trust him, that I deemed him likely a thief. Like Edmund did.

But I DID trust Elijah. So why on earth did I heed my promise to Edmund?!

“No.” I told my friend. “I offended him, and I was wrong. I shall pray to all the gods that I get another chance. And if, by the grace of all that is good in this world, he does return. It will be on the merit of our sacred bond only, for I have given him no reason otherwise. So if he does, I shall treat him the way he deserves: with honesty, truth, love and especially trust.” I pledged.

“You’re a dim-witted fool, Viv.” Edmund sighed. “Now go to bed and get some rest. It’s just tomorrow’s gig left, and then only a fortnight to Arken, where you can do whatever you please. Try not to do anything stupid in the meanwhile, okay?” 

He gestured at my throat, and I understood why he thought I had committed a folly. Both of our livelihoods depended on my voice. And even if it faltered for one night only, there was no limit to the damage that could do to my reputation. I nodded at him and downed the wretched honeywine, before retiring to my chamber.

The sun was casting a shimmering glow into the darkness of the room when I finished praying to the last god I thought to turn to. I was not even sure I had pronounced her name correctly, and quite certain that she would only be offended by my failure to provide her with sufficient pickled hedgehog entrails as a sacrifice.

It was of no consequence. If I had fallen from the grace of the gods, so be it. It was a nigh miracle that they had even allowed me to meet my soulmate in the first place, with the way I had mocked their existence for years. Maybe they were as vengeful as the tales would have it, and had they only showed me a glimpse of my fated, before cruelly taking him from me again.

No. The gods had nothing to do with that. I screwed that up all by myself.

To prevent myself from falling into an all-encompassing state of self-loathing and despair, I focussed on the tiny sliver of hope, still burning like a glowing ember in the depths of my soul. The diminutive possibility that maybe, just maybe, the gods would smile upon me one more time, granting me another chance. Therefore, I could not possibly rest before I told all of them personally that I would not fail them again, if they deemed me worthy of a second try.

I promised them I would believe, forever. Like my mother had before me. That I’d lay bare my soul before them as well as my fated Elijah in a way that honoured and revered the beauty of the love they had granted me.

And with the dawn on my face and that wish on my lips, I finally fell asleep.