It was getting close to dinner time, but he wasn’t that hungry. Cole didn’t know where to go.
“Let’s go back home and clean the place up. Then we can cuddle on the couch and watch TV.”
This was something they did often. As long as they were together, they could do nothing and Cole would be content. He just wanted to be with Zain all the time because there were days when Zain was in the hospital, unable to come back home.
“Alright, let’s do that.”
Cole knew their home was a mess because of him. When Zain wasn’t there, he didn’t feel the need to clean up. Now that Zain was back, he had to make sure the place was spotless so Zain wouldn’t be uncomfortable.
When they got home, Cole immediately got to work. Zain couldn’t do much, so he sat on the couch to give Cole some moral support. This was normal. Cole didn’t think much more of it.
It took him a couple of hours to clean their whole apartment. Cole was quick and efficient. Even if things piled up or got a little nasty, he didn’t hesitate to clean it. The once dirty apartment was now spotless and lived in. It felt a lot more spacious and comfortable.
Cole washed up once again while Zain waited in the living room. Zain somehow changed his clothes into long-sleeved pajamas. He was looking around and felt that a clean house was much more pleasing to the eye and good for Cole as well. He was upset when he saw the state of their home when he first came back. It was good that Cole could still take care of himself.
Cole came back into the living room after his shower. He had already dried his hair and changed into his casual home clothes. He wore a plain white T-shirt and black boxer briefs.
He saw Zain sitting on the sofa, hugging his legs to his chest. “Are you cold? Do you want me to turn on the heat?”
“I’m okay. Sitting next to you will instantly warm me up anyway.” Zain stretched his arms wide calling him to cuddle with him.
Cole grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around Zain. Then he sat next to him embracing him in his arms. It was the most comfortable he had felt in a long time.
He turned on the TV and flipped through N*tflix. He found a decent show in a different language.
He couldn’t focus too long on the show and looked at the person in his arms. Zain was intently watching the show about a man who was trying to find the creator of the contacts that brought people into an augmented reality. He didn’t even notice Cole was staring at him instead of the show.
After a while, Zain fell asleep in Cole’s arms. Cole picked him up. He was really light. It was like the blanket weighed more than he did.
He brought Zain into their room and onto their bed. He tucked Zain in and then crawled into the bed bringing him into his arms once more and finally closed his eyes. He didn’t know what time it was, but the moment he closed his eyes, his tired body and mind instantly put him to sleep.
When Cole woke up, his arms were empty. The bed was empty and cold. He looked around but still could not find any sign of Zain in the room.
He quickly sat up, his brain and body woke up faster than usual and ran for the bathroom.
Zain wasn’t there either.
He ran out of the bathroom and their room and into the living room. Zain was not in the apartment at all.
It was like all the signs of Zain yesterday disappeared into thin air. His once warm apartment turned cold.
“Zain, where are you?!” He desperately cried out, trying to hold his tears back.
Cole frantically lifted the blankets and pillows on the couch and tossed them to the ground. He went into his room again and opened the closet. He moved through all of his hangers and found nothing. He went on to his bed and lifted all the blankets and pillows. He even looked under the bed.
He couldn’t find Zain. He couldn’t find his husband, his partner, the love of his life was gone again.
Again? What did he mean by again?
He grabbed his phone and wallet. He was about to call the hospital to ask if they had seen Zain when he saw the flowers and the scarf on the window sill in the living room. He slowly walked up to it and held on to the scarf that he had bought yesterday. It was a white, wool scarf that was soft and warm. It was plain and simple, but he knew it would suit Zain very much. White always looked best on Zain.
“Zain…”
He looked at the flowers and finally realized why he bought them.
It was to place it at Zain’s grave because it was their anniversary yesterday.
Zain passed away a week ago. A week before their 10th anniversary together.
Cole felt his eyes sting and saw droplets of water landing on the flowers and scarf. He looked up but didn’t see any leaks and it was not as if it would rain inside not to mention it was actually sunny outside. He looked back down and saw the water droplets on the flower petals.
He wiped his eyes and felt they were wet. Ah, now he knew where the water droplets came from. He was crying.
He was crying again. He clutched onto the scarf and the flowers, bringing them into a tight hold. The slightly dried-out flowers crumbled in his embrace. He did not know how long these flowers would last so he decided to keep these at home and buy new ones to put at Zain’s grave.
Cole slowly tidied himself up and put on some decent clothes. He wore the navy blue sweater that Zain helped him pick out, black slacks, and shoes. He grabbed his wallet and keys as well as the scarf he bought for Zain. He walked out the door and didn’t look back.
Even if he looked back, Zain would not be there.
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