I grimace at every memory of the game earlier. Memories of my bedroom pop in my brain leaving no hope left in me for this day. Sitting in the mess hall in front of a large wooden table, I munch on the macaroni and cheese. The Cesar salad beside it is heavily coated with dressing. No matter how hard I focus on happy moments, the moment of the boy that passed out comes back as my lips purse.

"I would do anything in the world to be normal."

I mutter under my breath.

—

—

—

October 11, 2009.

"Come back to us when you become cool!" 

The boy spits as he shoves my weak body.

"Cut it out Henry!" 

"What're you going to do? Whine and cry like you always do?"

He shouts again, shoving me harder as I fall against the wood chip ground. I tremble as I am on the verge of tears.

"Look at her mouth twitch! She's scared!"

His friend Devon picks.

"I'll take this now."

He reaches for my purple ball with stars spreading around it. 

"Don't touch that! My grandma gave that to me!"

"Shut up!"

Devon, his best friend behind him yells as he runs to me and pulls some of my hair, dragging me against the wood chip ground as I yelp, begging to be released from his small, chubby hands. 

"You're hurting me! Stop!"

He responds stepping on my back.

"We told you to shut up, Pest!"

When Grandma's gift was held in Henry's grip, he kicked it as far as he could against the tree in front of him.Worry flowed through me and tears poured from my eyes. He pokes the air out of it against the sharp end of a branch as Devon exclaims in excitement. I flinch for a moment, remembering the times she and I were able to spend together. 

"Stop!" 

I shriek at Henry before he can turn to face me. He struggles to speak, in a choking manner. The tears streaming down my cheeks feel warmer and my head is surrounded with shock as my teeth grit hard as they can. As more anger and anxiety rush through my body, the stronger the burn is in my eyes. 

"Why are my eyes burning? Why is he choking?"

I heave a breath, watching Henry fall. The flattened, dirty rubber ball lays on the wood chips. Feeling weak, my jelly legs carry me with the little bit of strength they have left to the ball. All I can feel is fear and pain. My eyes feel as if they were being set on fire while my upper body feels tingly, yet numb. Strong ringing whines ring in my ears. Devon steps off my back, running to Henry. I can hear him start to cry faintly. 

"Why did that just happen?"

I ask to myself.

"Henry! Oh my goodness!"

A worried woman's voice calls. When I rotate my head to her direction, she is on the verge of crying as her hand is placed on his back, hoping that he will wake soon. When his fat friend chats with the woman, he points at me, his face filled with anger, yet sadness. She trails towards me, her angry face still glued on, but growing fainter the closer she walks. 

"Oh my goodness! Are you ok little one?!"

She taps my slim back nudging it, expecting a response. All I can do Is groan of exhaustion.

"I... I'm so tired..."

"Little girl, you need to wake up!"

I feel her arms slowly lifting me, to lay against her arms. She taps my face.

"Wake up! What is your name?"

"J-Justice..."

After a short sleep, My eyes shoot open. The worried mother looks over me still, my limp body against her caressing skinny arms.

"W-What happened?"

"Oh thank goodness. You're awake."

I slowly sit up, holding my head groaning.

"Justice, be honest with me. That little boy told me you caused this. Is that true?!"

She points at Devon, about to cry. Her voice is as feminine as mom's, but scarier.

"Huh?" 

I ask, confused.

"Answer me little girl!"

She yells again.

"I don't understand. What are you talking about?"

"My son! Henry lost consciousness and almost choked out of nowhere. His friend Devon told me that you were the cause."

My eyes widen as I stare at her in fear. Did I kill him? I was hoping this was all a dream. Though I was furious with Henry for almost damaging the last thing I have left of grandma, I could never kill him. 

"I- I don't know. Maybe...but I don't know how... It was an accident!"

"You monster!"

I freeze, staring at her with fear.

"Please miss, I didn't mean-"

"Be quiet!" 

All my tiny body can do is tremble. All my tiny mouth can say are whimpers and yelps. All my eyes can see is madness.

"You're a bad girl!"

The chubby kindergartener accuses me.

"I'm sorry. I apologized. I'm not a bad girl."

"Yes you are! Now Henry's unconcious! You're a monster!"

"I didn't want to hurt him! I just wanted my ball back."

"No excuses!"

I try to hold back my tears, gritting my teeth. No one has ever told me this before. I am shocked, terrified, and confused. I thought I was normal.

"I- I'm a bad girl and a monster."

The woman leaves in anger. I sniffle, knotting my fingers, turning my feet in. Eventually, The waterworks burn my eyes. I sob loudly covering my face with my hands dropping down to sit on the wood chip park. I turn to see my bouncy ball, covered in dirt and flat. I reach over to pick it up, embracing it tightly hoping that It will bring me some happiness. However, I carry on sobbing. 

Why? What happened? Am I sick?

That was how I found out that there is no mercy for new people.

—

"Is this true?"

Dad asks.

"Yes."

I reply, shamefully looking down.

"That you attacked someone?"

Mom questions with her arms crossed.

"Y-Yes. But it was by accident and I apologized."

I plead.

"I know, Justice."

Mom raises her hand signalling me to stop talking.

"I think our best solution is the hospital. Maybe I will make an appointment."

She suggests with her arms crossed. 

"But I'm not sick or anything! Maybe I have a cold or a fever!" 

I exclaim in fear, hoping that she will believe me.

"You never know."

"But I'm scared.."

"We're taking you to the hospital."

"Please no!"

"It's for your own good honey."

I sigh, squeezing my eyes shut in fear. The thought of needles and check-ups gives me goosebumps. 

My eyes burn once again, only making me shake more. 

"Justice, Stop!"

Dad yells, rushing towards me kneeling down to my level, gripping my shoulders.

"Take a deep breath. Yer going to be fine."

I start to sniffle again, then cry. From everything I have caused. Henry being unconscious, being yelled at by stranger, and my eye and body pain. 

He wraps his arms around my tiny body as I continue to sob into his shoulder. 

"Dad... am I a bad girl?"

"No you're not. You just need to control yourself. I know it wasn't yer intention to hurt that boy."

My sobs grew louder as more tears poured down my cheeks.

I see mom in the kitchen, with the phone by her ear. 

—

"She choked someone?"

The doctor asks. 

"Yes. That's what the boy's mother told me after Justice rushed to me."

Mom replies seriously.

"Justice, when that happened, how did you feel?"

The man in the white lab coat asked touching his chin.

"My eyes started to burn, mister. And I was really scared. Really, really scared. And sad too." 

I reply softly, staring down at my hanging feet, unable to reach the floor.

"Has this happened before?"

"No."

I shake my head.

"It just happened when I felt angry or scared. 

"I see."

He replies.

"I think this could easily be anxiety, or maybe she moved and hurt him physically without realizing. But I don't know anything about eyes burning. "

"But I didn't move. All I did was yell at him and look at him in the eye!"

I raise my voice a bit.

"Justice! Show some respect!"

Mom scolds.

"I'm very sorry." 

I reply, ashamed looking down at my hands resting on my lap.

"It's alright. You just wanted to prove your point."

The man replied In a respectful manner.

"Is there anything you can do?"

Mom asks worriedly.

"The only advice I have is to control your anger. And maybe find some fun activities to do. That's the only advice I can give you. She doesn't seem to be sick after checking her temperature and heartbeat.

"I understand. Thank you for your time."

Mom reaches for my hand as we walk outside the clinic. We reach outside, passing by the buildings. Mom bought me a hot dog from a stand. I eat it happily. 

"Justice. You need to promise me something. Find something you love. Anything. But most importantly, make sure you're happy."

I looked up at her with wide eyes, nodding in affirmation.

"You mean- have fun?"

"Yes. Have fun. That way, you won't be scared more often."

"Ok Mommy. I'll do my best!"

—-

(Present time)

Sky is across from me, staring at her phone as her earphones plug her ears. Looking at her makes me remember our conversation earlier. I try to hide my presence by burying my cheek in my shoulder shyly, continuing to eat my lunch as the chatters of children fill the room.