I realised I couldn’t stand being alone. I took out a bunch of clothes from my closet and made my plan to leave the house without alerting my parents when I heard something knock against my window.

I walked over to it and saw Amy standing by my window wearing a long trench coat, a red scarf tied haphazardly around her neck and a very old looking beanie. I opened my window, and using my blanket as a rope pulled her up.

Her face was right by my window, she pulled herself through it, slipping on the snow and knocking over some books and pencils that was on the desk to her side and making a big noise.

I hurried to my room door, placing an ear on the door to make sure my parents weren’t up. When they weren’t I turned to Amy who slammed the window shut.

I sighed. “You really can’t keep quiet, huh?”

Amy let out an exasperated sigh as she crashed onto my bed.

“You wanna start or should I?” she said, staring at me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, scratching my chin. “I should’ve known that being here… Before you figured out you were stuck, I mean. I should’ve known how much it meant to you.”

Amy nodded. “Yeah and I shouldn’t have acted all high and mighty. The things I said… they were mean. I didn’t know you’d been stuck here for that long.”

We both paused. Taking in the silence for a bit.

“How’d you do it?” Amy said. “How’d you manage 4000 years?”

I chuckled. I sat on the other side of my bed. “I don’t know, I really don’t. I don’t even remember the first few loops all that much, I just remembered being stuck here and going insane. If it wasn’t for the journal and some loops dedicated to learning a new skill I’d have probably gone insane. Honestly with how nonchalant I feel about everything, maybe I am a little bit crazy.”

Amy smiled. “We’re all a little bit crazy.” She shifted on the bed, getting up. “New skill. What type of new skills?”

“I know how to pickpocket,” I said. “Carry out a heist, pilot a plane, race a car, disassemble and assemble 13 different types of guns. I know the laws of around 27 countries, know how to build a top tier gaming PC. Electrical engineering though that was guaranteed from my previous life, mechanical engineering, psychology, sociology, a bit of philosophy and how to make balloon animals.”

“How do you make balloon animals?”

I shrugged. “You just… twist them. I don’t know. Being stuck with the people you know but not really, it kinda takes a toll on you if I’m being honest.”

“I get you,” Amy said. “There were some people I talked to where I was like ‘how didn’t I see the signs?’ and the rest… they’re just burdened with this… I don’t know self-consciousness.”  I snapped my fingers and she looked at me. “You know what I mean?”

“It’s like being trapped in ice,” I said. “People change over time but right now they’re like fossils. It’s gonna take a lot to change them.”

Amy chuckled. “It’s funny. The people I knew as nice were assholes, the people I knew were assholes were the nicest people I ever met. The friendliest person was the one sitting in the back all alone and the serious responsible guy was once a clown. Goes to show, huh? How much you think you know about yourself at 18 versus how much you actually know?”

I smiled. “Or how little you know about yourself now.”

Amy looked at me. I saw a tinge of sadness in her eyes.

“You have a lot of regrets?”

Amy’s chuckle was self-depreciating. “Understatement of the century.”

“Millennium,” I corrected. “Understatement of the millennium.”

“You know how I didn’t do so well in my exams, right?” Amy said.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Well, my train of bad luck didn’t stop there,” Amy said. “I had to go to this shitty college. My parents were poor and could barely afford the fees so I had to take a lotta shitty jobs to compensate. It was stressful and then my parents passed away and…”

Amy started to sob.

“You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to,” I said.

“No,” Amy said. “No, I’m good. All the people who I thought would be there left me alone and the genuine people, the ones I left behind like an idiot were there for me but there was only so much they could do. Later I got into a relationship with a guy who…”

I placed a hand on her shoulder.

“When I finally got the courage to break things off with him… well, he was rich, he had a lot of contacts,” Amy said. “I was left alone, homeless with no money or contacts. When I got into my first time loop I was in the hospital, inches away from dying of starvation.”

She sighed.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“It’s not your fault,” she said. “What felt like paradise for a while was slowly starting to become hell when I… you know?”

I smiled. “Figured out the things that I did.”

“Yeah,” Amy said, smiling back.

“I used to think my problems all came back to this year,” Amy said, staring at the bedsheets. “From my bad results, to the break up. From the company I chose and the people left behind but…” Amy sighed. “It wasn’t because of any of that. It wasn’t because of the past or the decisions I made back then but the decisions I made in the present. It was my…”

“It wasn’t your fault,” I said firmly, placing a hand on hers. “It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes things just happen. Life just changes without you knowing. I…”

I smiled. “My girlfriend, Sarah. She was the greatest, funniest person I know. In one Loop I was tired of things remaining the same. I wanted some of my old life back so I found her and…” I chuckled. “She wasn’t the person I fell in love with. She was so self-conscious, so… obnoxious. I fell in love her because she had nothing to prove to anybody but herself but now she was trying to prove herself to everybody. Needless to say, I got out of there quick.”

Amy laughed, I laughed too. After a while we sat there in silence, watching the snow stick itself to my window.

“Being stuck here,” I said, Amy looked at me. “It’s hell, yeah but it made me realise things. Made me realise that there’s a reason we meet people at certain points in life, there’s a reason people come and go. That as you grow the things that gave you a headache back then look so petty right now.”

I turned to face her. “You won’t believe how many friends I lost in different Loops because I didn’t want to get caught up in their bullshit. It was so… so childish.” I laughed. “And I’m also glad.”

“Glad?” Amy said. “What makes you so glad?”

“That I get the opportunity to spend more time with my dad,” I said. “You know, before the cancer hit. Before the only image I had of him in my head was him attached to wires, dying in a hospital bed but still finding the time to smile at me.”

I stared out into the distance, a tear silently falling down my cheek. Amy pressed my shoulder gently.

“I get you,” Amy said. “I’m glad I got to spend more time with my parents before the accident. They were so good to me and I was so caught up with teenage bullshit that I didn’t realise how much they… loved me.”

I smiled. “I guess being stuck in a loop reminds us of the things that make our life worth living huh?”

Amy giggled. She rested her head on my shoulder. “I guess it does.”

We were in that position the whole night, watching the snow settle on my window. I didn’t know when I fell off to sleep until my dad barged into my room screaming…

“HAPPY NEW YEARS KIDDO!” he shouted at the top of his lungs, causing me to hit my head against the bedframe and wake up Amy. “WHAT’S KEEPING YOU IN BED SO…”

And then he noticed Amy who was just as startled as I was.

“OH,” Dad said, his voice losing its volume. “Oh!” He winked at me. “Nice going Champ! Just be sure to introduce her to your mum later.”

Sure, I thought. When both our ears stop ringing.