“Nyo-ho-ho~♥”

…

“Witty~ You beast~♥”

…

“You’re just like a baby~♥”

…

“Be more gentle~♥”
…

*SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE* Club is enjoying a very satisfying snooze, along with a very satisfying dream, apparently. She snores loudly with a giant snot bubble inflating itself, laying topless in her bed.

“Don’t be so greedy~♥”

…

“I want something to eat too-”

*SLAM* “MORNIN’ SUNSHINE!” Holly swings open the door to Club’s bedroom.

“YOOOOWWWW!” Club launches UP into the ceiling.

*BOOF*

*CRAAASH*

Club plummets back down with a light *poof* onto her bed, “Mornin’...wait…what happened to dinner?” her hair is covered in rubble.

“I didn’t wanna wake you, sweetie~♥ You looked so peaceful~♥” Holly answers.

She points at Club’s eyes, “Ah~♥ I didn’t scare you too much, did I~?”

“Whaddaya mean?” Club turns towards her mirror.

“..oh…”

*YAWN* Looking into her mirror, Club notices her eyes turned amber again. It tends to happen when she gets excited.

“Ya know~♥ I thought I heard you call out someone’s name…” Holly rubs her chin.

Club’s face blushes a volcanic red. She feels her face burn, and steam pours out of her ears.

“Breakfast is ready~♥ You should come before your father clears the table…” Holly rolls her eyes at that second part. “Or asks what that banging sound was~♥”

Club yawns, “I’ll be down in a sec, Mum…”

“...not like that, are you? Hehe,” Holly points at Club’s exposed breasts.

“MOM! SHOO! GET OUT!” Club throws a pillow at her.

Holly laughs, shuts the door, and leaves. Club gazes into the mirror again with her still amber-filled eyes.

‘Hmm…’

…

…

After a swift dress-up and “de-rocking” from her hair, a more presentable Club strolls into the dining room. Pearl tries to hold in her tears at the table while Punk continues flicking peas that get glued to her poor sweet face.

*SNAP* Club intercepts an incoming airborne pea and eats it herself. Punk makes a pouty face in response to Club interfering in an active warzone, but he forgives her after she tickles his chin.

Club takes a seat, “Mornin’ Pop!”

“Rebbleschmebblebreh,” her father, Angus, mumbles in gibberish while chomping on an oversized roasted dino leg.

Holly waltzes over with two plates in hand, “Fabby~♥ Darling~♥ I saved you some leftover-”

“PUNK! KNOCK IT OFF!!!”

Caught red-handed and with no Stick in sight to blame, Punk calls a ceasefire by holding a pinky out and politely chewing on graceful spoonfuls of peas from his bowl.

“THAT’S BETTER!” Holly snorts.

She slides over a plate of meat to Club, “What did you call this? Oviraptor philosophy-somethin’~?”

Angus’ eyes beam as he stealthily reaches for Club’s plate…

*BONK* “FOR CLUB, DEAR! NOT YOU!” Holly bops his hand with a large wooden spoon. “My dinner table is not your buffet! Unless you wanna sweeten me up by cleaning the dishes all by yourself…”

“MMMRRRR…ragglefragglesmagglegrrr…” Angus grunts.

Club smacks her lips and takes a huge bite-*CRUUUNCH* “YOOOOOW!” she bit into something hard.

“What’s up, Fabby~?” Holly plucks peas off Pearl’s whimpering face.

Club rubs her cheek, “Idunnosoemthin’weelyshap!’”

She yanks out the culprit from the Oviraptor meat. Strange, it’s a flat card-shaped piece of metal. Even stranger, upon further inspection, it has a distinct emblem shaped like a poker diamond combined with a DNA helix.

“What is it~?” Holly plucks the final pea from Pearl’s now perky face.

Club flicks the card, and it makes a *ting*. She gleens over the front, “Maybe it’s a literal lifetime gym membership card?” and flexes her arm.

“That found its way up a dino’s ass?” Holly peeks over.

“ASS! ASS!” Punk cheers!

Angus chuckles in conjunction, *BUUURP*

Holly runs to Punk and coddles him, “Ah~! No! No! Punk, that’s a bad word for bad people! Not your Mommy’s little angels~♥”

“Unlike your father. MANNERS, ANGY! Don’t encourage bad words for bad people!” Holly sticks her tongue out at Angus.

Angus takes another chomp from his meal, “...mrehhehehoo? Greh-heh-fremfremfroo!” and winks at Holly.

“NO! NO! NO! NO! ANGY!!! DON’T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT AT THE TABLE!!!” Holly breaks into a beet red sweat and fans her face.

Club flips the card over to check the underside. It has tiny needle-sharp diodes. “I know the perfect and most smartest man in the whole wide world to show this to~♥”

‘Ahhhh~♥ Witty-poo~♥’

“Hm. Hm. Hm. Are you going to pay Mr. Pumice a visit~?” Holly laughs.

Angus grunts, “PEH! Ragglefraggle-” *BONK* before Holly’s spoon delivers him some manners.

“Wit Pumice is a sweet boy! May I remind you who fixed your engine in the middle of the night?” Holly points the spoon at him.

Angus folds his arms in silence.

“I thought so!” Holly folds her arm smugly.

“Oooooh~♥ He was here last night~?” Club’s eyes sparkle, and she twiddles her thumbs. “I’ll wash up! Then I’m outta here! Want me to wake up, Patty~?”

Holly answers, “No need~♥ She’s at school where she belongs…which is where you should go and learn to annunciate better!” and stares at Angus.

Angus doesn’t respond, keeping his eyes closed gracefully and enjoying his meal. Club scoots out of her seat. She stands up, stretches her back, and moseys over to return upstairs.

…

…

Later, after freshening up, Club steps out onto the porch and shuts the front door. A napping on the lawn, Onid wakes up when he hears the door click. 

*ARF* *ARF* Onid waddles over to Club.

She pats him on the head, “You behave while I’m gone, baby~♥”

“And be nice to Ms. Rhinestone and Wooly-loo~♥”

With his ever dopey expression, Onid nods with obedience, drools, and waddles back over to his “dog” house. Club heads down the sidewalk. Wit Pumice “~Ahhhhhhhh~♥ Witty~♥” only lives a few blocks away. She is too enraptured in her thoughts to even acknowledge the-

*ARF* *ARF* *GROOOOOOOOWWWLLL* Onid has sensed something…

*BFFFFFFRRRRT* a lil’ mammoth senses something sensing it…

“AHHHH! STAY AWAY FROM MY WOOLY-LOO! BAD DOG! BAD!” a mink scarfless Ms. Rhinestone tries to intervene!

-the daily skirmish between Onid and Wooly-loo.

‘Ah~♥’ Club is on cloud nine.

She arrives in front of a two-story sandstone home, the Pumice residence. The garage door is open, and Club hears the sounds of clinking and clanging coming from within. She prepares to stroll on in with the metal card in hand but suddenly stops. Having a clever thought, Club decides to nestle the card between her cleavage *ouch*. It stings ever so slightly while she tucks it in. Then, Club fully enters.

Inside the garage, a caveman is busy tending to bright lights and sparks on his workbench.

*KZZZZZRT*

*chack* The man puts down a soldering iron-like tool and scratches his scalp. Then, he shifts through a mound of nuts and bolts and organizes them in neat containers. With each *clack* from putting a bolt away, Club shuffles over at the speed of a snail, barely able to hold a glance at the man for any longer than a few seconds *clack*. Until finally…

“Ummm, Hiya, Witty~♥” Club is 1000% red in the face and twists her feet around.

The man stops his work and flips up his faceguard, “Good morning, Fabiana.”

Club waves her hands with cheeks still red, “Ahhh~♥ Ahhh~♥ I told ya it’s ok to still call me Fabby or even Club~♥”

“Oh…sorry. I’m of the opinion that since you are a mature woman, you should be called as such,” the man, Wit “Witty~♥” Pumice nods like a true gentleman.

‘Mmmmm~♥ Mature woman~♥’ Club has very dirty thoughts. “I have something I think you’ll really wanna see~!”

Witty perks up with interest, “Well?”

Club strategically leans in breasts first, reaches between her cleavage, and seductively reveals the metal card. She has captured Witty’s attention and masterfully has him in the palm of her hand…

‘Nyo-ho~♥ Just as I planned~♥ What are you looking at~? You naughty naughty boy~♥’ Club firmly believes her subtle feminine operant conditioning is working its magic!

‘...that…that….THAT CARD! THE SYMBOL…could it be?’ Witty firmly can’t believe what Club found!

*tap* Club rests the card on the table and slides it over to him. Witty snatches it in the blink of an eye and puts it under a microscope.

He is totally absorbed and awestruck, “Wow! Fabby! AMAZING!”

“This is! This is! Stupendous! I’m speechless!” he accidentally puts his hand on top of Club’s.

‘Oh my~♥ Naughty naughty~♥ I charmed him too much~♥’ Club grins from ear to ear with hundreds upon hundreds of hearts popping around her.

*pat* *pat* Witty turns to realize what he did, abruptly yanks his hand away, and tries to bury his shy face deeper into the microscope.

He coughs, “...so…umm…tell me, Club, where did-”

Club flutters her eyelashes.

“-so…umm…tell me, Fabiana, where did you find this trinket?” Witty switches to a professional tune.

Clubs raises an astute academic finger, “It was inside an Oviraptor philoceratops’ posterior region!”

Witty removes the card from the microscope and tries bending it, “Is that so?” to no avail. It’s solid. He returns it back under the lens.

“Yup, chewed into it this morning!” Club clacks her teeth.

“Hmm. What did the Oviraptor look like before you chewed into it?” Witty turns knobs on the microscope.

Club plays around with some glass slides, “Like breakfast~♥”

Witty inspects the side with the sharp diodes further, “It didn’t look like lunch or dinner?”

Club has a smug face, ‘Nyo-ho-ho~♥ He’s engaging in wordplay now~♥ Our relationship must be advancing~♥’

“Nah, it was just the average weirdo-” *crack* she accidentally drops a glass slide.

“Sorry~♥” Club tries turning on some sad kitty eyes.

Witty puts a hand on her shoulder, “Don’t worry about it.”

Club revels in this, ‘Ooooooooooh~♥ Rrrooaaawwrrr~♥ Advanced~♥’

Witty took note, “...feeling ok?”

“Yeah~♥” Club smiles.

Witty opens a drawer under his bench, “I’d like to propose a trade. I hold onto this card, and you…” he hands her a small journal. “Don’t forget this again.”

Embarrassed, Club nods and snatches the journal. It’s a field guide that they have been working on together for a few years. Whenever Club goes hunting or chills out in the reserves, she takes notes and makes snappy sketches of the local wildlife.

Club fumbles about, “Ahhhhh! I’ll sketch the Oviraptor philiopsnsbhsbsbbsubsbusybs right away!” she sees an open ink bottle, dunks her finger in it, and sloppily doodles in the journal.

Her eyes dart wildly across the pages as she whips up a panic-induced artist’s rendition of the Oviraptor.

Witty sighs, “It’s fine. Really. You said it looked average, then I believe you,” he leans in and gently caresses her ink-stained finger.

“And an artist shouldn’t be without this!” he places a chiseled bone pen on Club’s palm and clasps her hand around it with his.

Witty pauses as something finally catches his attention, “Hey. Did you do something with your hair?” he brushes Club’s hair behind her ear.

They look at each other longingly in the eyes.

…

…both are speechless at this smooth and casual act that just unfolded…

…

Witty sucks in his mouth, ‘OH GOD…I skipped ahead too far in the steps specifically outlined in the magazine! I’ve already trespassed multiple delicate societal no-touch zones!’

Meanwhile, Club’s entire body goes red, ‘It’s just like the magazine said~♥ Little by little, he wants me so bad~♥ Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh~♥♥♥’ she tips backward and falls.

*THUD* the force of her slamming the ground rattles tools off the workbench.

“ARE YOU ALRIGHT, FABBY!?!?!” Witty kneels beside Club.

‘I already love him too much~♥ I hope he catches up soon~♥’ Club makes one last quick doodle and shuts the journal. It makes a faint *squish* from the still fresh ink.

She shoots back up, “Don’t cha worry~♥ Gonna take a lot more than a solid stone floor to crack this nut~!” and knocks on her head. *bonk* *bonk*

“Since I owe you some sketches, I think I’ll get goin’~♥”

“Oh! Should I come back later~? Tonight~♥” Club raises her eyebrows.

Witty clears his throat, “You have to come back later because there’s, err, something else we really ought to talk about…” then he seizes a wrench, whistles, and twists away indiscriminately at random nuts on random bolts.

‘Nyo-ho~♥’ Club eyes glint with hunger. “I better get busy then~♥”

Club walks away but pauses mid-stride under the garage door. She has an intense internal debate over whether or not she should coyly turn around and blow Witty a kiss. Rather than overthink it, she decides to go for it. As Club turns to do so, Witty is already right there. He’s standing awfully close…

“Baby~♥ What’s wrong?” Club puts her hand on his chest.

“I changed my mind...let’s talk now…” Witty puts a finger to her lips. “But only like this.”

Witty throws his arms around Club, embraces her passionately, and WOW! WOW! WOW! Oooooo~♥ He can’t help but squeeze what he can get his hands on~♥ He’s such a beast~♥ What if somebody sees them~♥

From Witty’s perspective, Club is just standing there awkwardly. Whatever she thinks is happening is not reality. What is real is the blood spewing from her nose all over her hand.

He’s not sure what to say, but Witty tries anyway, “...umm, Fabby?”

Club doesn’t respond. She snorts a few times with delusional and extremely inappropriate thoughts. Then, Club continues on her way out.

Witty wonders after she’s gone, “You have to come back later. Was that creepy or too commanding? Oh dear, maybe I’ve caused undue emotional distress for her…”

He stows away the microscope, “I should evaluate my Dr. Lunerock’s twelfth edition, The Sapien in us all, for answers!”

…

“...after consulting Adrian Stiffstone’s Men's Quarterly magazine…” Witty walks over and presses a switch on the wall.

*DONK*

*click* *click* it activates a stone and rope counterweight system, and the garage door shuts itself as he admires the metal card.

After noticing a few suspicious red droplets on the ground, he looks down, ‘Eh? More ink? But I thought…’

“Ohhhh~♥ Witty-pitty~♥ your rocks are here!” a woman’s voice calls from the other room.

“Coming, mother!” Witty runs off with glee. “I can’t wait to count my minerals!”

-CHAPTER END-

-SET IN STONE-