The Memories of Rain Sharrow

“Duchess Amber, your daughter is currently in a stable condition.” The doctor says.

“So she’s healthy?!” Dad frantically screams out. He looks like a mess.

“That isn’t what I said. Her condition is stable but that doesn’t mean she’s getting any better. Just that it isn’t getting worse. We’ve been able to identify the poison used, and the fact we’ve gotten her condition stable is a very good sign, but her condition could vary rapidly within the next day or so. We’ll have to continue monitoring her until all the symptoms go away.”

Dad looks even more upset now. It’s affecting mom too, but she’s hiding it a whole lot better.

“You said you figured out what poison Lilith took. What was it? When can we expect a recovery? What are the chances she recovers at all?” Mom and dad have an air of dread around them, but not Annei. Even an idiot would be able to tell that he’s furious right now.

“It was abra, a really rare concoction. We should be able to tell where her condition is going within the next day or so. She could make a full recovery, she could take a turn for the worse. Unfortunately we can’t tell with abra. We just have to keep observing her. We’ll be sure to inform all of you as we get new information.”

So you guys basically have no idea what’s going to happen to my little sister? She could be fine tomorrow, but she also might not? What is the point of that? Annei and mom seem to be angrier than me though. It’s really strange for them, but I guess the situation really calls for it.

“I’m not going to let a bunch of old men in my daughter’s room. I’ll be in there with you.” mom says.

“I… I also would like to watch over my daughter…” dad says.

“There’s no issue with that.” The doctor says.

“Hana, I’m heading to the library. You’re coming with me.” Annei says before grabbing hold of me and pulling me away.

“H- hey! Annei! What’s gotten into you?!” I know the answer to that question, but I can’t help but ask it anyway.

Rain Sharrow. I think of that name as if it’s something I’ve always known, but I can’t for the life of me remember where I’ve heard it. I’ve been poisoned, I started hallucinating, I got memories of being called “Rain”, but no matter how hard I try and remember, the last name “Sharrow” never comes up. 

These are new memories. Are they real, or am I just hallucinating them? I really feel like they’re my own memories, but I never could have gotten these memories. They address me as Rain, and some of the memories involve me being way older than I actually am. How do I know that Rain’s last name is Sharrow, then? There’s so much I don’t understand…

I need more information, so I try to remember as much as possible. If I try hard enough, I get more of my- Rain’s memories, they’re just really fuzzy. I remember the face of my- Rain’s mother. I remember the kind of books I- Rain liked to read. I remember my best friend- Rain’s best friend, Bliss Cullen.

Right, yeah, it’s all coming back to me. No, I’m just getting it, coming back implies I always had these memories. Maybe I did? No, that doesn’t make any sense. No, focus on the new memories, Rain. You’ll think about that later.

Come on, remember, remember. My mom was a pretty strict woman who could be soft on me. I can’t remember any siblings, so maybe I didn’t have any? Or is that just my memories being blurry? I barely remember a dad, but I can tell he was there. The memories closest to my death are the clearest. My death? No, Rain’s death. It… it really feels like my death though…

Right, I was wondering where Bliss was, and when I texted her she said she had to go to her aunt’s funeral out of state. Wait. What’s texting? The Cralian empire also doesn’t use the term “state” to name its provinces? I must have lived outside of Cralia. No, this is Rain Sharrow, not Lilith Amber. Why do I keep describing Rain’s memories like they’re my own? I thought I decided there was no way that was possible?

Why am I getting these memories, though? Is it because of the poison? Or is it because of something else? What’s causing this? I have no idea. I can’t help but really feel like these memories are my own. That can’t be the case though. I’m Lilith Amber, daughter of Duchess Teresa Amber. I’m not Rain Sharrow, whoever she is.

I remember Bliss, though. I remember her lovely smile. She’s so much clearer than either of my parents. Why is that? I remember her personality so clearly. She was such a kind and creative girl, we got along so well… She always had flowers in her hair and dressed so colorfully. She always had all sorts of different drawings and writings of hers to show me, and I enjoyed it so much.

She was trying to be an author when she got out of highschool, right? What about me? What was I trying to do? I was studying really hard… I knew a lot about how people acted… What was it? Psychologist? Yeah, I was trying to go to college and become a psychologist. Bliss always asked me for advice for how to write characters, and I was always really happy to oblige…

I feel so happy just remembering anything to do with Bliss. Are these Rain’s emotions? Is this happiness a thing that could even be faked? I don’t think so… if Rain’s feelings are my own, then maybe her memories are too? Am I really Rain Sharrow? But how do I have these memories?

Think… I died in calculus class, right? Wait! I died in school, and I don’t know why! What about Bliss?! Is she OK?! Think… She was going to a funeral at the time, so she was nowhere near where I died. What a relief, Bliss is OK… This relief is definitely my own, that much I’m absolutely sure of. If all the feelings I have towards Bliss are real, then my memories as Rain Sharrow have to be my own as well.

So how do I have these memories now? I died. Did I reincarnate? So I somehow died, reincarnated as Lilith Amber, and somehow lost my memories as Rain Sharrow in the process. I still definitely don’t have all my memories back yet, though. There’s so much that I know has to be missing, and there’s probably a whole lot more I don’t know is missing yet.

I just need to keep remembering these memories.

I can see the ceiling of my room again. The hallucinations must have begun to stop. With that though, my sense of surroundings is beginning to return. I can feel that horrible metal thing all the way in my throat. I can feel the frost stones cooling my scorching body down. I can see the doctors all watching over me.

Now the pain’s beginning to come back. Oh no, please no, I don’t want to feel all that pain again. Hot! I feel so hot! I desperately try to resist, to get off of my bed but my body refuses to move. I can’t wrestle back control.

I feel the heat, the aching all over my body, the rough pain in my throat. I feel nauseous as my senses return to me. I see several doctors taking turns pushing air in and out of my lungs, and feel both of my hands being grabbed. It hurts so much.

I start coughing, and the doctors say something about me being awake but I’m in too much pain to pay any attention. Somehow the pain starts to feel worse, but I desperately try to stay awake, I bite down on my lips as much as the metal thing in my throat will allow me, and try to dig my nails into my own hands.

Anything to stay awake. Anything to take my mind off of the pain all over my body. Anything to get through this.

I begin to taste something metallic in my mouth, and it isn’t the thing they’re using to keep my throat open. My hearing sounds much blurrier than before, but it’s different from how I lost it before. My nose starts feeling runny, and I feel a liquid running down from it. My eyesight is also noticeably dyed red.

“Bleeding… losing her… Lilith… use healing…” Everything sounds like I’m underwater as I feel liquid covering my face.

I realize now that I’m bleeding out of every hole in my face, and it hurts. I don’t want to die like this! Not like this! Just a few more years, at least!

Please! Anyone! Anything! Just a few more years! Enough to say a true goodbye! Just long enough to figure out why I’m even here?! How did Rain end up in this body?! What happened to kill Rain?! At least let me figure that out!

“Hm? Just a few more years to figure that much out?”

I hear a voice loud and clear, despite the blood flooding my ears. It sounds like it’s coming from a young boy, but the tone sounds like a rather smart grownup.

“Will a few years really be enough to figure out such difficult questions? Where would you even start?”

What? Does no one else hear that voice? Where is it even coming from? No one is around that looks like they’d have a voice like this…

“On your deathbed, and wondering just what I am. Yeah, I wonder, am I God, or am I the devil? Someone that could be trusted? Someone that should be despised? I wonder… is making a deal with such an unknown and untrustworthy voice preferable to death to you?”

Yes… Yes it is! Whatever deal you have in mind, I’ll take it! I still have so many questions about all of that! Please! If you can, let me live longer! I just want to know why I’m here, then I’ll accept my end! That’s it!

“In other words… the answer to your own existence is more important than your own life? Not only that, but it’s more important than all other things in your life?”

Yes! Of course! What’s the point of dying without knowing anything?! If you prolong my life, I’ll dedicate my entire existence to figuring just why I’m here! I’ll say my goodbyes, and then accept I’m living on borrowed time and perish! Please! I’ll do anything!

“Rain Sharrow. Lilith Amber. Whichever you prefer, that is all I needed to hear. As per Her rules, you will forget this conversation until we meet again, but I will prolong your life.”

That’s it? You aren’t going to ask me for my soul, or my wealth, or my family?

“No. A pursuit of knowledge and wisdom is all I need. If you didn’t want to understand why you’re here and only desired life, I would not have even bothered to intervene. I wish you luck in your future academic pursuits.”

Wait… at least tell me your name. Even if I will forget. I want to know just what you are.

“You certainly know how to please me. My name is Setar, god of depths and wisdom. And to you, the girl with two identities, I bestow upon you my Gift. Use it well. Let’s see if you can use it to survive.”

“Annei, what is the meaning of this? You better have a damn good reason for calling me away from Lilith in this situation.” Mom hisses at Annei. I certainly don’t envy his position.

“Now, now, honey, I’m sure that Annei had a perfectly good reason to call us away from Lilith like this…”

“Talk.” Is all mom says. Annei doesn’t look scared at all.

“Hana was following Lilith around during the party. According to her, there was only one moment throughout the entire party she could’ve gotten poisoned.”

Mom and dad look shocked. The second that wears off though, mom grabs me by the shoulders and starts yelling some ununderstandable gibberish about why I haven’t said anything yet. Even I’m not used to seeing mom this angry. I wouldn’t be surprised if she started hitting me for the first time right here and now, she’s so furious.

“Enough.” The cold tone of speech from Annei is enough to get mom to stop talking. Seriously, when the hell did you gain this serious side?

“I had Hana describe the culprit. The culprit offered Lilith a glass of water, and abra is a clear, flavorless substance, practically indistinguishable from water that acts really quickly. I did a bit of digging, and I managed to find out that the woman matching Hana’s description is Ulsa Crane, wife of earl Crane.”

The feeling of the room changes in an instant. There’s a loud silence, but you can tell that everyone within this room is absolutely outraged.

“I’m going to kill her.” Dad’s words are absolutely dripping with bloodlust.

“W- what? We can’t just-”

“She tried to kill our daughter, Teresa!”

“...”

Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen dad yell, let alone at mom. That look of sheer confusion also isn’t a look I’ve ever seen on mom’s face.

“Don’t worry, I have a plan. We can kill Ulsa without anybody figuring out that we were behind it.”

Dad I can understand, it seems like he’s really getting taken over by his emotions here, but Annei is different. Annei is being cold and logical here. I don’t think that he’s going to change his mind even after some time has passed. Mom also looks like she’s starting to agree, as long as  we aren’t caught. 

I’m going to have to be the voice of reason here, aren’t I? That’s unusual. I don’t want to get caught in this maelstrom of rage right now, so I’ll wait. My best bet is probably to wait until dad calms down, and then talk him out of it. If he backs down mom will too, but Annei seems like he’s going to go through with whatever plan he has in mind even if the rest of us aren’t on board with it. I really have my work cut out for me right about now…