“We don’t call it homesick. We call it missing home. There’s not a sickness involved, it’s a state of mind.” ─ John Litten

Homesickness

Vallin laid on his bed, scrawny limbs sprawled out, making an X with his body. He had been laying on the bed staring into the ceiling ever since lunch ended. He didn’t come up with any fun ideas on how to spend his free time while he was eating. 

Vallin ended up unpacking his bag to pass the time but he was still bored. He took a nap after unpacking, hoping that he would come up with something afterwards.

 That was wishful thinking because when he woke up,his head was still just as empty as before he took the nap. 

He let out a sigh and temporarily gave up. It was still a few hours before dinner, so he let his mind drift from one thought to the other. The pink-haired girl came to his mind, and he felt his face breakout in a small smile. He didn’t know the girl’s name but maybe after he properly apologized to her, he would ask for her name. It wasn’t a bad idea seeing as they were classmates in his history class.

Speaking of classes….Vallin still had math homework that needed to be completed. He sat up and stared at the papers he had laid down on his desk. Three whole pages of math homework were waiting on him, and he unfortunately didn’t have anything better to do. Again, he cursed his math teacher in his head and let out a sigh. 

He got off his bed and sat down at the desk and began working on the homework. It only took him an hour to finish all three pages since the material wasn’t too difficult. 

Vallin rested his cheek against his hand and twirled his pencil in his hand as he started humming. He wasn’t sure what to think about Pandora Hill Academia. It was too early for him to decide whether or not the orphanage sending him off to the boarding school was a good idea or not. If he was back home, he wouldn’t have to search for ways to spend his time after school. In the orphanage he was the oldest kid, so he often dedicated his free time to hanging out and playing with the younger orphans. Those little rascals would keep him busy all the way up until their bedtimes. Despite some of the trouble they got into from time to time, Vallin still enjoyed his time with the younger orphans.

 He wondered how the staff explained to the younger kids about him being enrolled in a boarding school. He left early in the morning,so none of the kids were awake at the time. Vallin bit his lip, he didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. 

He could only imagine how the news would affect them.

 Their little hearts would be broken, he thought, his own heart aching at the image of the younger orphans crying their eyes out at the news. Those kids looked up to him, to the point they considered him as their big brother just as he considered them as his little siblings. 

Vallin didn’t want to hate the staff of the orphanage as they took good care of him ever since he was a baby. 

However, he really wished they hadn’t told him last minute about Pandora Hill Academia and rushed him off to the school without informing the other orphans. 

That was just very irresponsible of them as they didn’t take in consideration of his feelings nor the feelings of the younger orphans. They just did what they thought was best for him, that was what Vallin had assumed anway, but he didn’t want that to be an excuse for their actions. 

He let out another sigh before slumping down on his desk. He thought about calling the orphanage to talk with the younger orphans to cheer himself up. 

Then he remembered that Pandora Hill Academia was located in a different time zone. He was a couple of hours behind the time zone of the orphanage.

He pulled out his phone and checked the time. The younger orphans would have already been in bed at that moment. Even if they weren’t, there was no guarrantee that they would've been able to peacefully share the phone while talking to him anyway. Putting his phone away, another idea came to mind. 

If Vallin couldn’t call the younger orphans, then he could simply write them a letter. Sure it might take a few days or maybe even a week to reach them, but him being able to stay in contact with them is all that matters.

 With a grin, he put away his math homework and pulled out some blank paper. He began the letter on the first paper with an apology about him leaving so suddenly, and asking about how they were doing in his absence. On the second paper, he wrote down his first night and first day of school at Pandora Hill Academia.

 He did leave out some information like that brown haired girl bumping into him and his encounter with the pink haired girl. He didn’t want the younger kids to send a letter back teasing and scolding him about the pink haired girl. He also didn't want them sending threats towards the brown haired girl for accidentally hurting him. 

Sometimes the younger orphans could be a little overprotective of him. Even though they were aware he was capable of protecting himself. That was another reason why he loved them. The younger orphans felt that he was someone worth protecting even offering to assist Vallin with dealing with his bullies. Of course he turned down their offer in fear of them getting hurt but it's the thought that counts. 

Vallin stretched his arms and placed his pencil down on his desk. He had finished writing the letter, and after checking the time, it was time for dinner. He put the letter up and cleared off his desk. He would figure out a way to send the letters to the orphanage later. 

He left the dormitory with a smile, his mood easing after writing to the younger orphans. He was one of the first students to arrive in the dining hall, so he didn’t have to wait in a long line to get his dinner. His dinner consisted of meatballs, mashed potatoes and green beans. Maybe he would go on a walk since he still had some time to kill until lights out. 

He didn't think it was a bad idea considering the last time he walked around the campus it was pure dark outside.Everything was coated in darkness making it difficult for him to see anything nor enjoy the tour around the school. He shivered at the memory of the suffocating darkness and finished the rest of the dinner before he lost his appetite. 

Vallin stood up to throw away his dinner tray and glanced around him. The school grounds were painted in a soft orange glow from the rays of the setting sun. Soon, night would be approaching but

there was still enough light out for him to enjoy a quick walk around campus. 

Vallin took his time strolling around the school, observing the exteriors of the buildings, watching the interactions of the other students, and mentally noting spots that he could take naps in. 

As he was walking near the main building and the dormitory, he noticed that in the space between the two buildings instead of there being bushes like between the Dining Hall and the main building, there was a parted grass trail leading past the buildings. 

That was strange, Headmistress Roseburg didn’t mention a path leading behind the school during the tour. Then again it was dark outside so it’s not like they would have been able to see anyway and informing Vallin about the path may have slipped her mind.

Vallin stared down at the path, then looked up at the sky. The sky was turning dark as the sun was slowly disappearing in the distance. The night was fast approaching and lights were out in a few hours. If he wanted to follow the grass trail before the campus was covered in darkness, it would be best for him to go now or wait until his free time tommorow. 

Vallin stood there staring at the path again as he debated whether or not to explore it. Surely no harm would come to him if he decided to do so. Who knows, the trail could be a dead end or didn’t lead to anything. He gave into his curiosity and began down the path of the grass trail. The path was worn down to the point that if he looked hard enough, he would be able to make out shoe prints engraved into the dirt.

Trees appeared lining up on both sides of the trail, their bodies blocking the last bit of light from the darkening sky, layering the path in shadows. Vallin felt a pinch of uneasiness at the lack of light and glanced behind him. He was far enough in the trail for the trees he had passed by were blocking the sight of the school buildings behind him. 

Vallin was about to turn around  and head back to the safety of the campus when the trail opened up into a clearing. In the center of the clearing, sat a greenhouse. On the right side of the greenhouse was what looked to be an outdoor shooting range and on the left side was an old shed. Instead of having ring targets like the shooting ranges Vallin saw on tv, the shooting range had animal shooting targets. A smaller new looking shed stood near the shooting range. 

Headmistress Roseburg certainly failed to tell him that guns were allowed and used on campus. This may be Vallin's first time being in a boarding school but even he knew it was weird for a boarding school to have an outdoor shooting range. It brought some comfort that the shooting targets were in animal shapes instead of being shaped like humans.

He didn’t see any guns and assumed they were being stored in one of the sheds. Vallin did not want to check out the shooting range, so he went over to the greenhouse. The greenhouse was a big see-through building outlined in dark green with a set of double doors. He tried to open one of the doors but it wouldn’t budge. He tried the other door but it wouldn’t open either. He looked inside the greenhouse through the doors. 

Rows of various plants were lined up against the walls, some pots of plants hanging above the line of plants, and some rows of plants in the middle of the room. It was too dark for him to see what type of plants were inside or if the room contained any flowers. Vallin stepped away from the doors and realized that night had fallen.

The sky was filled with dozens of tiny stars that were overshadowed by the dark misty clouds floating around in the pitch-black sky above him. There was no moon to clear the darkness with bright moonlight. There were no more warm rays of sunlight, only the cold shadows of the towering darkened trees remained in the clearing. There were no sounds coming from the trees, no chirps from crickets, no rustling bushes, and no noises from any animals. It was almost as if everything around him was holding its breath.

 The unnerving silence and darkness was not sitting right with Vallin. His heartbeat was rising and he felt the cold drops of sweat running down his back as he stood there in front of the greenhouse. A gust of wind flew by, blowing his locs off his face. The moment his twisted hair shifted from his face, Vallin spotted movement within the greenhouse. It came from one of the rows of plants in the middle of the room. Was one of the plants trying to bloom? 

He furrowed his eyebrows and stepped closer to the doors to peer inside. Vallin squinted his eyes since it was difficult for him to see clearly in the dark. As his vision adapted, he saw that something was bursting out of the soil. Vallin flinched at the abrupt motion but his eyes never left the shifting soil. 

Small pieces of soil broke apart as a dirt crusted feathery wing 

 shot out from the surface. Time seemed to slow down as the small animal attempted to drag itself out of the soil it was buried in. The small animal freed its other wing and managed to pull its body up for a second before falling back into the soil, this time not moving at all.

 A gasp caught itself in Vallin's throat as he stood frozen at the door. The right wing of the small animal was completely crushed, the feathers were falling off, and it was limp against the side of its body. The left wing twitched in the shadowy air, raised up unlike the other wing but was bent in an unnatural angle. There was so much soil embedded in the feathers and the body of the bird that blood and soil mixed together to the point it was hard to distinguish what part of the body the blood was coming from. 

Vallin could feel his dinner trying to crawl its way back up his throat, so he took a step back, then another and another until there was enough distance between him and the greenhouse, until he could  no longer see the dead bird twitching in the soil. Then he ran,past the outdoor shooting range and back into the grass trail. 

Vallin didn’t stop until he made it back to the campus. He collapsed in the grassy center of the campus, clenching the fake grass in his hands as he emptied out his stomache. When he finished, he sat up on his legs and took a few deep breaths in and out to slow down his trembling heart, ignoring the lingering sourness in his mouth. The back of his legs were on fire,his uniform felt tighter as it clung to his sticky body and sweat was dripping down his face to his neck and disappearing into his uniform. 

He may have ran away from the clearing and the greenhouse but the image of the maimed bird never left him. Instead it etched itself inside Vallin’s head, forcing him to relive that moment over and over again as he sat there in the fake grass. Not allowing him to forget what he had witnessed that night. The lights above him alongside the other lights that decorated the campus shut off, returning him back into the darkness that he had just escaped.