When I finally felt like I found my voice, the door being opened caught both Milan and my’s attention. Milan happily skipped towards the door to greet Sang who immediately felt the young human’s forehead with the back of his hand upon entering the suite.

“Any trouble? Did he eat anything he wasn’t supposed to?” Sang asked, undoing the buttons of his uniform.

My answer was delayed since I was still wrapping my head around Milan not being able to read or write, but I assured Sang that nothing happened that he needed to worry about. He nodded and left for his room with Milan trailing behind him as if connected to the vacura by an invisible string.

“Milan,” I called before he disappeared into the bedroom. He stopped and looked back at me, raising his eyebrows. “Were you joking, or can you really not read or write?”

“Why would I joke about something like that?” Milan asked, shaking his head slightly. His brows furrowed again as if wondering if I was alright in the head. “I don’t know how to do them all that well.” Without waiting for me to say anything else, he left for the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

I grabbed some chocolate covered biscuits I’d never seen before from the kitchen to snack on while I watched TV for a while. Half an hour later, I was back to work. Since Milan couldn’t be of any help and had bailed as soon as Sang came back, I decided to video call Rikki so we could quiz each other on our weaker points. Not only did it make me feel less lonely, but I knew it would give her peace of mind the more I kept in contact with her.

We stayed on the call for over an hour after we’d finished studying, just talking about anything and everything. Eventually, the call had to end. Rikki had to show up to one of her classes, and the groceries Aubyn ordered had come.

After ending the call with Rikki, I heaved the bags into the kitchen and put away what I could. Since I didn’t spend much time in the kitchen, I didn’t know where to put most of the things, and since the larder and fridge were mostly empty, there was hardly any indication of what went where. I wasn’t used to having to put groceries away. I wasn’t sure what things had to go into the fridge right away, and which only went there after being opened. After the ice cream, meat, yoghurt, and anything else that was cold and wet, I was stumped. I only had one option if I wanted to figure out where everything else was supposed to go, and that was to seek Sang’s help.

Neither Milan nor Sang had come out of the room since going in, and I didn’t want to interrupt anything they might have going on, but I figured trying to avoid food going bad was reason enough to knock at their door.

Sang didn’t waste time in coming to my rescue, but he more so came to instruct me. He leaned against the counter and told me where to put everything. He then held up a fifty-dollar bill. “Aubyn skipped telling me why you sell your body. Do you want to tell me why?”

Honest and vulnerable, I had to remind myself. Sang seemed like the type of person who could smell a bullshit response from a mile away. What also worried me was that he was a vacura. I didn’t know what they were capable of, but I didn’t think I could risk lying.

“I’m trying to save for something big,” I told him.

Sang cocked an eyebrow, clearly not pleased with the vague response. What was with these guys and their attitude?

“I’m saving to leave Earth,” I said. “I doubt starting over on Othanai is cheap. Since I don’t know how much it’ll cost me, doesn’t it make sense I make as much money as fast as possible?”

Sang held out the bill to me and put his hands into the pockets of the pants he had changed into when I took it from him. “How much do you have so far?”

“I… I don’t know. I add to it all the time, but I try not to take from it if I don’t need to.” I’d gotten a card for the account when I opened it, but the bank ended up shutting the card down for lack of activity. Having the bank’s app on my phone was useless since I hadn’t memorized my member number to log in and see my own funds.

“How much was it the last time you checked? And when was that?”

“Almost forty grand. I think it was about six months ago.”

Sang nodded slowly and I swore I could see the wheels turning in his head behind his eyes. “I do not mind paying you for the right jobs. I am not interested in your body, so I would advise you not to bother offering. Laundry, dishes, groceries, cooking, cleaning, errands-”

“Like a maid,” I sat flatly.

“Call it what you want. I will pay you for those kinds of things only. Nothing sexual. Of course, this is completely voluntary. I would rather you not just laze around while you are here. If you are not studying, then you should be working towards the solution of your problem or something else equally as productive.”

I gave him a sharp nod. “Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, Sang,” I said, shoulders stiffening involuntarily. I didn’t have to see how his eyes shifted to know he caught that.

“I find it impolite to not refer to people by their names if you know it. I do not mean to frighten you. Are you finished with your studies?”

“Kind of. I only planned on going over one subject today.”

“If you are free, I would like for you to make a roadmap. Write down where you are first, then write what you want to change.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” I said quickly. “You’re giving me homework?”

“This is only going to help you, but I cannot and will not force you to do anything you do not want to do. I thought this would not only help you have a clear view of your circumstances but also provide Aubyn and me with a to-do list of sorts to help fix all the issues you are facing. Is there a problem?”

My shoulders sagged. I didn’t want to think about the details of my fucked-up existence much less write it down. “No. No problem at all.”

“When you are finished writing what you want to change, I would like you to write what your ideal, realistic circumstance would look like. Do you understand, Zedikai?”

“Yes, Sang,” I said obediently.

When he left me, I slouched over the dining table. I wished for any kind of distraction so I wouldn’t have to write what he told me to but Milan stayed in the bedroom and Aubyn was still out. I crossed my fingers and prayed for Aubyn to get back soon, but then again, he’d probably tell me I had to do it. And he said he would come back with a doctor to get my blood work done, so I began to pray he’d be working late or better yet, forget about the doctor.

I flipped to an empty page in my notebook and tapped my pen on it. Every time I would start thinking of what was really happening to me, I would get off track. I couldn’t tell if it was purposeful, or involuntary, but I kept getting sidetracked.

I groaned loudly and slapped my cheeks, the sting giving me some focus. If I were to get Sang and Aubyn’s help, I would need to play by their rules, even if I was almost sure it’d amount to nothing. What Sang had asked me to do made sense. It sounded like something a guidance counsellor would ask me to do, but I was sure he knew what he was doing. It could help to clear my head, but what if I couldn’t stop thinking about it once I started?

Picking up my pen again, I took a deep breath and started to write. I couldn’t delay any longer or I’d end up spending the whole evening writing. I wanted to be done by the time dinner rolled around, or at least before Aubyn came back. I wasn’t sure what his workday really consisted of or if there was a set schedule. He could be back at any minute.

Writing it down was hard. I knew I didn’t want to, but it wasn’t just my mind that didn’t want to have to go over the details of my life. Maybe it was because Sang had made me painfully aware of things I unconsciously did, but I was now conscious of how tense I became when I thought about Peter, going as far as to grip the pen so hard that it left painful indents in my fingers.

When I was done writing, I tore out the two pages carefully at the perforation and shut the book. It wasn’t until I started packing my things away that I realized my hands were shaking. Something heavy was blossoming in my chest, my hands wouldn’t stop shaking, and they were starting to become clammy. I hadn’t had this strong a reaction to anything in a long time.

It took me a few minutes to shake the feeling and get back to packing away my belongings. I brought everything back to the bedroom and tried to resist the urge to bite my fingernails. I needed a cigarette and I now had cash on me to buy one, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave the hotel for something I knew I shouldn’t be doing in the first place. A cig, though I wanted it, I didn’t need it.