I emerged from the bathroom and went down the hall to where the music room had already been pointed out.  Just outside the door, I paused, able to see in without them spotting me.  The angels were all inside, smiling, happily talking together, wearing their beautiful clothes and beautiful faces and I just felt so…out of place.  I desperately wanted to just turn around and run away, but I didn’t have my car and my apartment was a little over a half hour drive away, so I was stuck here for now.  I took a deep breath, tried to steel myself to deal with this a little longer, and stepped into the room.

Adelaide had been talking to Rachel as she sat down at the piano, and she glanced at me when I entered, her hostess smile staying in place – but I still saw the momentary pause when she spotted me.  Maybe it was my casual clothes or plain appearance, but something about me didn’t seem to sit well with her.

“You’re the shifter Colt and Tommy invited, aren’t you?”  She gave me a polite smile that didn’t reach her eyes.  “I do hope you enjoy your evening.”  And then she swept off to talk to some of the other angels.

All of a sudden, it hit me.  They hadn’t wanted me here.  She hadn’t wanted me here, and neither had most of the angels.  Henri wasn’t jealous of me, he was upset that I was there at all.  But Colt had probably decided to invite me despite everyone else’s opinions because in his enthusiasm for life, he could be rather inconsiderate of what other people might feel.

My eyes skimmed the room, seeing the way Rebecca held her glass up higher and turned to whisper something to Joan when she noticed me, or the way Henri deliberately turned his back a little towards me.

Rachel was playing the piano now, beautiful music echoing around me, but I didn’t hear it.  Instead all I saw was the way most of the angels in the room were deliberately – if politely – ignoring me and subtly making it clear that I wasn’t welcome.  I’d assumed initially that it was just my inherent awkwardness at social events, but…no, not this time.  This time I indeed was intruding on their holidays all because Colt and maybe Tommy couldn’t recognize that this wasn’t actually a good idea.

This was a disaster.

I felt my throat close up and the room seemed larger suddenly, like crossing it to find a safe corner would take hours of effort.  I instinctively took a step back, then another.  This…this was too much.  I shouldn’t have come.

I really shouldn’t have come.

I slid back out the doorway and backed against the wall, breathing heavily for a moment before I felt the frustration start to trigger tears and knew I had to get out of there.  The claustrophobic feeling was going to hit soon and I needed to be away from here.  I needed to go home.

As quietly as possible, I crept back down the hall.  I hesitated at the sight of the large entranceway, remembering how much sound the doors made when we entered, and instead found a door to the backyard – which ended up being an elaborate garden complete with a hedge maze.  Thankfully I was able to avoid the maze entirely and just head out the side gate.

I paused there for a moment, then called a cab.  I waited until I was safely in the back seat and on my way home before looking at my phone.

Unknown Number: Hey, where’d you go?  We’re about to start dancing and then we’re going to do some Christmas carols.  Did you get lost?  The house is pretty big.

Colt, no doubt.  He had my number since Tommy had called him that day.  Oh well, this worked out – I was going to tell him I left anyway.

Me: I’m sorry, I’m not feeling great and need to go home.  I have a ride, don’t worry about getting me back.  Thanks for dinner.

And then, relieved that this whole affair with the angels was over, I blocked his number, put my head back on the headrest, closed my eyes, and tried not to cry.

I managed to hold the tears back until I got home, then curled up in my bed and let them out.

I had just spent a miserable evening among people who didn’t want me there, and for what?  Because an angel didn’t realize that his idea of fun wasn’t everyone else’s?

At least this time I didn’t have to ask myself why it hadn’t gone well.  I knew.  They already didn’t want me there, intruding on their semi-family gathering.  I was an outsider.  I wasn’t one of them, and holiday meals were for family and friends.

I never should have agreed to go.