“What did I do wrong?” Cooper whispered as tears started to fall down his cheeks. “Why do I keep messing everything up? Why can no one ever love me? My biological family couldn’t, then my human family did but they all died and left me behind, all alone. Then Sean promised he did, right up until he found out I was a supernatural. Then Colette said she did, but she only loved it when I bought her things. And everyone – everyone just leaves me. And I don’t know why! What’s wrong with me?” He started sobbing in earnest, the sound – and his words – absolutely breaking my heart.
I took his shoulders and gently turned him around, letting him bury his face in my chest as he sobbed while I hugged him close. I didn’t know what to say in response, didn’t know what to really do other than just hold him and be there for him.
“Nothing’s wrong with you, honey,” I told him at last. “People don’t always see the value of what’s right in front of them.” Suddenly I didn’t care anymore about whether he even was working for Zayne – I still knew who he was, and that was the important thing.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I stated firmly. “I’m not abandoning you. I’m sorry I stormed out – I do have a temper problem, and I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have walked out, I shouldn’t have gotten angry without giving you a chance to explain your side of the story. I’m really, really sorry, Cooper. I’ll promise to do my best to not leave the apartment if I get mad again, or if I do need to get out to clear my head a bit, I promise to at least come back in at least 15 minutes, okay? I won’t leave permanently. Ever. I promise.” I almost told him that we were soulmates and that I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to, but I decided to keep that to myself. I was afraid he’d chalk up our entire friendship to the soulmate bond as a result and doubt my feelings for him. If I was going to try to date him – and I really wanted to, because not only did I think he was adorable and I couldn’t handle losing him, but I wanted to be someone he could love and trust and always be by his side, especially when he needed me the most – I didn’t want him to question that. Questioning my permanence in his life, well, he would learn in time that I was going nowhere.
Cooper tipped his head back to look at me with his tear-streaked face, his brown eyes searching my face like he desperately wanted my words to be true.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I repeated. I’d say it as many times as he needed. “I won’t abandon you, okay? You’re stuck with me.”
He dropped his head down again, back into my chest, but to my relief, I noticed his breathing was evening out some. He seemed to be getting calmer, which was good.
Hesitantly, I asked the question that was still plaguing the back of my mind. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but – if you’re willing, could you explain that picture? No matter what you say,” I was quick to add, “it won’t change whether I stay or go, okay? I’m staying. I mean, not permanently here in your apartment,” I could feel the ghost of a smile against my chest in response to my joke, “but here in your life.”
He was quiet for a few minutes and I thought he wasn’t going to answer, which I found myself less bothered by than I thought I’d be, when I discovered his silence was apparently an attempt to try to make himself sound less like he’d been crying – despite me clearly knowing that said crying had occurred – than an unwillingness to answer.
“The other guy in the picture is my dad’s friend,” his voice was quiet, still edged with tears, but I could feel the effort there to keep it steady. “The shifter friend I mentioned? He lives back where I grew up, he’s not from here, but he has family here, so sometimes he comes and visits them and tries to stop by and see me when he does. We usually get coffee or something. We’re not really friends, he just tries to keep tabs on me every year or two because of Dad.”
His dad’s friend? But that was Zayne, and he did live here! That…wait.
“Family?” I asked. “Did he say what kind?” And then another question occurred to me. “Do you know what kind of shifter he is?”
“Uh, I think he said who his family was, but I wasn’t paying attention. He offered to introduce me, but he didn’t think we’d get along, so I said I’d rather not. Mason – that’s Dad’s friend’s name – he’s a lion, I think.”
A lion shifter with family in the area. What were the chances that this guy was related to Zayne – possibly even a twin brother, given the similarity?
I felt a wave of relief, followed closely by deep regret. Cooper had nearly taken his life because I’d jumped to conclusions – okay, what felt like obvious conclusions, but still, I hadn’t even given him a chance to explain and this explanation did make sense. If I hadn’t let my temper get the better of me, we could have figured this out without risking Cooper’s life.
I wanted to tell him not to ever attempt that again, or even think about it, even if for some reason I wasn’t there in his life anymore, but right now didn’t seem like the best time. Right now I first needed to make sure he was stable and realized that we were okay. And would be okay. Then we could address the other issue.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “Sorry for not letting you explain first. Sorry for storming out. That guy, he looks just like Zayne, so I thought – I thought you had met with him after all. I guess Zayne is probably the family he’s visiting. But I should have at least given you the chance to explain before storming out of here.” I reached down to slide my fingers under his chin and tip his face up to look at me. I needed to see his eyes right now. “Please forgive me,” I whispered.
His eyes widened a little in surprise, but he nodded immediately. “Yes, I will.”
I felt almost like I was taking advantage of his vulnerability to get him to forgive me this easily – of course someone with almost no friends would be willing to practically let me walk all over him if it meant he could keep me. I swore to myself that I would make sure from now on not to take advantage of that or even come close to it. I was going to do my best to not need his forgiveness anymore. To properly earn his trust in me.
“Come here.” I pulled him over to the couch and sat down, holding him where he could snuggle into me – which he willingly did.
“Please,” I murmured softly into his hair, “never try to do something like that again, okay? I know I hurt you when I left, but like I said, I will always come back, okay? And even if – even if for some reason I’m prevented, please don’t give up, Cooper. I know you’ve struggled to find your people since your family died, but they’re out there, okay? I’m here, and there will be others, I’m sure of it.”
“How can you be so sure?” He whispered in response, the raw pain in his voice making my heart hurt again. “And even if they are, how can I find them? I hate social stuff, it’s so hard for me to meet anyone, and everyone I do meet, they just…don’t like me, apparently. I don’t know why. I try. I try really hard to be a good friend, but it’s never enough.”
“Then all the people you’ve meet so far are jerks or idiots,” I decided immediately, startling a laugh out of him. “Sometimes all you really need is one or two really close people in your life. Well, you have me, that’s one.” I almost added that we could have kids someday and that would be more, but this probably wasn’t the best time for that discussion. “And I’m sure you’ll find another in time. You might have to dig through the rubble to find someone worthwhile, but I’m sure they’re out there.”
“You’ll really stay?” He asked, the tremble in his voice giving away his emotions.
“Really,” I promised again. “It’s okay if it takes you a while to believe that, I’ll tell you again as many times as you want until you do believe me. What was your longest relationship that fell apart, other than your family?”
He thought for a moment. “My first boyfriend, Sean. We were together for over two years.”
“Well,” I responded, trying not to feel jealous of Sean, “then I’ll assume it’ll take at least three years to convince you. If it takes longer, it’s okay. I’m an angel, we can be very patient when we set our minds to something.”
He let out another startled laugh, muffled into my chest still. “How can you be so sure?”
How? There was the soulmates thing, but…it was more than that. I was pretty sure even if we hadn’t been soulmates, it wouldn’t really have affected anything. Realizing we were soulmates had just made me curious and determined to pursue a friendship with him, but if I’d talked to him much even without that bond, I’d probably have found myself enthralled either way.
“Because I enjoy being around you,” I informed him as I tried to figure out how to say this. “I think it’s cute that you get so wrapped up in your books you don’t even hear people around you. I think it’s cute that all your emotions show on your face, so I can pretty much tell what is going on in the book just by watching your face. And it’s cute the way you stick out your tongue while you’re gaming and you’re trying to get a particularly hard enemy. I like the way you look while you watch the world go by from my plane. I like watching you open up and tell me about things you’re excited about. The fun thing about introverts is once they’ve accepted you as theirs, they can almost be a different person with you, telling you all about what makes them happy, and I love getting to see that with you.”
He slowly pulled back so he could look at me, his face red but also very hesitant. “That almost sounds like…you like me.”
I thought over what I said, then shrugged. I hadn’t planned to say that now, but sure, I guess it did sound like that. It wasn't exactly wrong, either. I really did like him.
“Yeah, okay, I was thinking of asking you if you wanted to go on a date at some point, this just didn’t seem to be the ideal time, but yes – I’m interested in you. Very interested,” I added, fascinated as I watched the blush rise and the emotions that were playing across his face. Astonishment, confusion, delight – watching Cooper was fun all on its own. “If you’re not interested in dating, I’m still not leaving you, okay? Not unless you want me to.”
He tipped his head to one side, his expression settling on worry. “But…what if – what if you change your mind? Friendship is simpler, it’s not as risky. Dating is harder because if it doesn’t work out,” he swallowed hard, “then, well, the friendship goes, too.”
“Hmm, well, would it make you feel more comfortable if I just married you instead?” I watched the shock on his face and tried not to be too amused by it. “That way you already know how it turns out.”
“Marriage isn’t always permanent,” he mumbled as he looked away from me, his face so red I thought he might actually catch fire.
“I guess that’s true, but angels are actually really bad at divorce,” I informed him conspiratorially. “Just so you know.” I reached up to brush some of his hair back off his face. “Is that your only objection to dating me? That it might end?” Then a thought occurred to me. “Oh, wait, you said you’re demi – I guess this idea might actually be more awkward for you.” I grimaced a little. Right, of course. I should have remembered that.
“No,” he murmured, “that’s – I mean, we’re close enough so, um, yeah, I’m starting to, uh, I mean, that’s not – that’s not a problem.”
I deeply wanted to ask him if that meant he was sexually attracted to me or at least starting to be, which it sounded like, but I was genuinely concerned he might melt in embarrassment if I did – he looked close to doing so – so I decided to try to direct the conversation to less embarrassing topics.
“Why don’t you think about the dating thing – we can take it slow if you want, really whatever speed you’re interested in. Meanwhile,” I reached for one of his books that we’d been talking about reading, “let’s do some reading, okay?”
Along with figuring out that he preferred activities at home – his or mine – versus going out, I’d learned that Cooper really liked listening to me read to him. Right now, I thought that might help us both, give us time to steady out and get back to firm ground.
Cooper relaxed as I started to read and allowed me to pull him back against my side without protest. He stayed there, his fingers fiddling with the edge of my shirt as the only signs of life apart from the occasional noise he made in response to the book – a small shocked noise, an intake of breath, all the normal emotions he had during moments like this.
I was relieved to see he seemed to be back to normal by the time it was late and I needed to go, but I still paused at the door to kiss his cheek, ignoring the blush.
“I’ll text you when I get home,” I promised. “You want to game tomorrow or what was the plan?”
“That sounds good,” he agreed, still blushing, but he was smiling tentatively at me. “We have that dungeon we need to do.”
I hesitated one more second, needing something from him. “Please promise me you won’t hurt yourself,” I begged as I looked deep into his eyes.
He looked even more embarrassed but nodded weakly. “I – I promise. I won’t.” I saw the flash of concern on his face and could guess what it was – he was worried that I was only staying with him because I was scared he would do something otherwise.
I could tell him that wasn’t true, but I thought it might be better to prove it to him. Words, well, they were just words. I needed to prove to him that I wasn’t going anywhere and that would take time.
Thankfully I was in no rush.
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