Go down there and talk to him.

Do it now.

My hand gripped the railing to the staircase, and I slowly forced myself down the flight of stairs.

I reached the bottom and looked into the dining room. Lucas was sitting there, his head resting on his arms, and Crowley had crawled between his feet.

He's too beautiful.

“Hi,” I whispered.

“Hi, Addi,” Lucas raised his head from the table, a small smile on his face, “Have you made a decision?”

His eyes scanned my face, trying to find the answer.

I stepped further into the room, my hands clasped tightly around my diary. It held everything anyone would need to know about me, about where I am from, and about... James.

“I… Lucas I'm going to tell you everything because at the very least I feel I owe you an explanation. We can decide from there what happens."

“Please come sit,” Lucas motioned to the chair across from him, “I’ll make food. Are you hungry?”

“No… Lucas, I need to talk and I need you to listen or I will never get any of this out."

I took the seat in front of him and opened my diary, only staring at the pages. Lucas' gaze was too strong. I couldn't handle that much emotion right now.

“Okay… I’ll do my best to not interrupt. Start when you’re ready,” Lucas took a deep breath.

“Promise me. You won’t interrupt and you won’t yell,” my voice came out in a whisper.

“Of course Addi,” Lucas said quickly, nodding vigorously.

Slowly, I took a deep breath and started to read.

“I was born on June 25th, in Oberlin, Ohio. The third son, the surprise, the unwanted. See, mom was already past the point of wanting to care for another baby, and my brothers were already 8 and 10. There was no room for me. I was forced to be quiet, and unseen at all times. So that was how I lived until I was 15, quiet, polite, I got good grades and I kept my head down. Then my parents decided that they were moving to Italy and left me behind. I had become friends with a girl named Anna online. She lives here in Indiana and she basically offered me her couch. She was a junior in college and had room in her apartment. So I hopped on the first train I could and that’s how I ended up in Indiana. Um… so I had been couch surfing for about 6 months at that point, and I couldn’t keep living that way. That’s when I met James. He’s Anna's older brother,” I looked up from my notes, and Lucas nodded.

“Continue,” his voice was quiet, and I could feel his leg bouncing against the table.

“Okay. So, James was someone I had grown to know. He didn’t live with Anna anymore. ‘Too inconvenient’ he always told me, I’m hoping you’ll see why later. Slowly, over time we grew closer. I had turned 16 by this point. James was 24. Too old for me, but naivety is a hell of a thing. He told me he loved me a few months after my birthday and with that, I moved to his place. It was all fun at first. I spent my days cleaning and taking care of the house, and my nights belonged to him. He taught me how to love, make love, and subserve to him. It didn’t take long for me to start messing up though. The first mistake was something so stupid I still can’t believe it: I ruined a pan. That was all it took for him to start showing his true colors. That’s how I got this."

I took a deep breath and pulled down the collar of my shirt, showing a small scar on my collarbone.

I could see that Lucas was having an internal battle with himself. It seemed like every fiber in his body was trying to scream out and he fought it down.

For me.

He promised he would stay quiet.

I rested my hand over my scar, and looked back at my notes, “Don’t worry, I won’t go on much longer. I know it’s hard to listen to. This one simple act started a year and a half of James trying to 'correct my behavior' with small cuts to remind me of my 'mistakes' and no one stopped him. No one questioned him when he lied and said I was 18, that I had fallen, that I had taken to hurting myself, that I was crazy. That all these scars littering my body were somehow my fault!”

I screamed out the words and slammed my fist into the table. I had never expressed my true feelings on this.

How I truly felt about dating a man who used me to sharpen his knives at the slightest indiscretion.

I took a deep breath and realized that Lucas was staring at me in shock.

“Sorry. I am so sorry if I startled you! I won’t mess up again I swear,” I panicked, hanging my head.

“Adrian, stop it’s ok, you’re allowed to feel emotions,” Lucas swallowed quickly.

“No. I am not. Anytime I spoke up, anytime I voiced an opinion, James would cut me. ‘Cuts can be covered. Bruises are obvious’, was his go-to. It took time for me to learn, and every mistake I made led to another little cut from James. Just enough to remind me, never enough to put me in a hospital. So, I stopped talking. I did what I was told. I did everything right. Until one night, when he brought another guy home."

The last words choked me, hot tears swelling in my eyes, and my hands started to shake.