"Can I come in?" Kegan asked, having knocked on Astra's door and only gotten a sniff in response. "Astra?"
"Yeah," Astra said, voice broken and high pitched.
Kegan opened the door and found Astra curled up on her bed, holding her forming baby bump as if someone was going to attack her and hurt her babies.
"What can I do for you?" Astra asked weakly, wiping her eyes with one hand.
"Can I sit?"
When Astra gave him the okay, Kegan sat down on the end of her bed, watching Astra shift to look at him better while still clutching her stomach.
"Kai asked if I could speak with you. She said it may help you to talk with another Omega," Kegan explained, not seeing the point in hiding who sent him.
Astra chuckled. "Of course she did. That's my mate, always having her heart in the right place but never knowing what to say."
"She loves you," Kegan said, noticing the admiration in her eyes when Astra mentioned Kai, despite the fact that the two weren't speaking. "I think she knows she can be a little overbearing."
"She's just scared," Astra mumbled. "My first pregnancy hurt her more than she'll care to admit."
"First?" Kegan asked, confused as to why he hadn't seen any pups in the pack house.
Astra nodded. "It was a couple years ago. She was so damn happy. Kai didn't have parents growing up. They were killed by rogues, so she grew up with Calix, trained to be his Beta and right hand. When we were mated, she was edgy and quiet at first. She was terrified that she'd hurt me or get me pregnant and end up like her parents and leave the pups alone in the world.
"It took her nearly a month to even mate with me. Over time, she learned that we were safe and in the strongest pack in the country, so she knew that our pup would have both of us growing up. When I told her I was pregnant she was so excited, completely ready to be the parents that she never got. Then, at the end of my pregnancy... I don't know what happened. I passed out having the pup, and was told later that it was a stillbirth."
Astra hung her head at the words, tears in her eyes.
"I'm so sorry," Kegan whispered, unable to fathom the feeling of losing kids.
He never had parents growing up, so he understood Kai's fear, but he couldn't understand losing pups and feeling at fault.
"It took me a long time to allow Kai to touch me or hold me. You've never been pregnant, have you?"
Kegan shook his head.
Astra hummed. "A primal part of us will always feel responsible for having kids and getting pregnant during heats. Without completing that task, we feel like failures," she explained, looking up at the ceiling. "It's even worse when you have pups and they don't make it. It makes you feel like you failed your Alpha and that you're the reason they can't have a bigger family."
Kegan understood that. In the Red Claw pack, he'd witnessed and heard of several Alphas that had killed their mates and then themselves when the Omegas failed to give birth to healthy, live pups. It was terrifying, so he was grateful that Kai was level headed and Astra hadn't completely given up.
"I understand she wants to protect me, but sometimes I already feel useless for having failed to have my first pup," Astra said, closing her eyes as more tears fell. "I just want to make her happy. I want her to have the family she deserves and be the parent that she's always wanted to be."
Kegan scooted up next to Astra, following Jade's urge to comfort the Omega and his own to protect her. "You already make her happy, pups or not. She loves you for who you are, not for what you can give her," he said, wrapping an arm around Astra and letting her cry into his chest.
"Don't worry, Astra," Kegan cooed. "It will all work out. I promise it'll all be okay, and whether or not you feel alright, you have people who will always be here for you.".
Astra pulled away, smiling despite the tears falling down her face. "You are meant to be our Luna," she whispered, closing her eyes once again to rest.
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