As I was making my morning tea, my phone started ringing and obviously by the picture on my phone and the name across the top, it was my mother calling. My parents call frequently, to some people probably too frequently, but they’re looking out for me and with all my issues with the fact that sleep seems to be the bane of my existence. They were quite against me moving out, they wanted me to stay home so that they can keep watch over me and make sure I wasn’t going to hurt myself or get into trouble via my lack of sleep causing other issues like a sudden onset of narcolepsy or things along those lines…but there was something about Seattle that when I was accepted to the sleep study here that…I fell in love with a part of the city that I knew I wouldn’t be able to find in Portland, so I stayed. As I picked up the call, I did have to mentally prepare myself to swap from English to Vietnamese due to the fact that both my parents are Vietnamese and my grandparents fled to the US from Vietnam for…obvious reasons that were occurring between the mid-50s to mid-70s. My family didn’t want to leave anything of our culture behind, so…I was raised with a very hefty hand in my family’s culture; never getting haircuts the day before a big event, eating eggs for good luck and various other little details that are such intrinsic parts of my personality and being that they’re beyond anything like a ritual or habit, they’re beyond the idea of muscle memory too, I did not have to think about how or why I was doing something, I just did it as part of my daily life, as normal as breathing or anything else any other family does.

            “Good morning, Mom” I laughed as I put my phone between my shoulder and head

            “Good morning, Edward, how are you?” she said with a chipper tone that she always has, Mom is a painfully optimistic person, might just be how old-school she was raised and the idea that a woman could only be a certain way and you were not allowed to stray from it.

            “I’m alright, how’s everything back home?” I asked

            “Usual, have you checked for your lucky numbers yet today?”

            “Not yet, just about to”

            “Have you…gotten any sleep recently?”

            “No more or less than usual” I sighed, “How’s Dad?”

            “Same old here, nothing too out of the ordinary. Most of our time here, the only time something interesting was happening was when we were looking out for you. Have you seen any new doctors recently?”

            “Not recently. My last doctor wouldn’t stop talking about the idea that maybe that all of my issues are just in my head.” I sighed as I pinched the bridge of my nose before picking up the electric kettle and poured hot water into a proper stoneware teapot. “Like, if this was all in my head…why don’t medications do anything for me at all? How has no psychologist been able to find anything.” I sighed in frustration.

            “You’ll find out why you have your issues, Edward…I’m sure of it” she assured, I smiled softly.

            “Thank you, Mom, I hope I at least…get some kind of information about whatever I’m afflicted with.”

            “Have you been eating well?”

            “As best I can, I mean…I work freelance so I’m not the best paid, but well, you’ve always known how comfortable I am in a kitchen and cooking for myself.”

            “You were always attached to my hip when you were young.” She laughed, “Have you been talking to anyone about this?”

            “Like a therapist or doctor?”

            “Or a girlfriend?” she offered, I laughed at that

            “Mom, you know me, all throughout school…people never liked spending time around me because of…all my issues or how they talked about me; telling others not to be around me because I smell weird, eat weird food or things like that. So, no there is nobody like that…I at least…want wherevers wrong with me under control before anything like that happens.”

            “Still, I’m getting old, Edward”

            “Mom…Lily’s already married and has two kids” I sighed as I poured my tea, my older sister, Lily, she’s two years older than me.

            “I know, but I want to see grandkids from both of my children” she laughed as I rolled my eyes, “I want to know that there is someone out there who you can rely on and is there for you as much as your father, your sister and I are.”

            “Thank you, Mom” I sighed, “Just…even if I could like go out and look for someone…I don’t know if anyone would want to spend any time with someone like myself: the night-terrors, the sleep-walking…” I said before looking down towards my bare hands which showed off the extensive cracking and reddening tissue around my fingers and hands from how obsessively I wash my hands, “And the other issues that have happened…what kind of person would genuinely like to spend time around someone like me?”

            “You know I don’t like hearing you talk like that, Edward” she sighed

            “Am I wrong though?” I asked, “How many times did you have to get called to schools growing up because Lily beat someone up because they were bullying me? How many times did you get called because I was being an issue because of my problems?” I asked, she sighed as I said that. “I get that you’re worried about me and I appreciate that, I understand why you want me to like…have friends and date someone, but…I just don’t know if it would be possible unless I can figure out what is wrong with me” I said, my own voice slightly strict at saying that because of how it felt to say those.

            “Thank you for understanding my worry, Edward.”

            “Thank you for being worried” I replied, “Just…I don’t know when or how I’ll be able to figure out what’s wrong with me.”

            “I hope its soon” she sighed

            “I do too” I nodded in agreement as I picked up my stoneware mug of tea, wincing internally at the way the heat of it stung my washed raw fingers as I held the mug, my family does know about the various things I do like the obsession with the number six, the extreme levels I clean at or habits like skin-picking or other more…destructive habits, they’ve been around a long time. Six is lucy in my family’s culture, the treatment of six being auspicious was around for as long as possible…so when my OCPD adapted an impulsive habitual tic involving six…they weren’t surprised. They were never surprised by the tics that happened, just always worried…never afraid or upset, just worried and concerned and were there for me which is more than a lot of people with Asian parents get, but…it was incredible safety net to have.