A/N: Hi lovely people! This has been a busy couple of months and I've been writing this on and off. I struggle with anxiety, have you guessed? And this quote really spoke to me, regarding intrusive thoughts and negative thinking:
"Leave your front and back door open. Let thoughts come and go, just don't serve them tea." - Shunryu Suzuki
This is unedited.
Chapter 15.
Kim slept deeply throughout the night, catching up on much needed rest. When he woke up, he still felt tired. But in a warm and content way. Arms were holding him tight and his head was tucked under Yas' chin. Icy strands of hair tickled his neck, but he let them stay there.
He could sense they were the only ones in bed. Chilla must have allowed them to sleep through the alarm or he had disabled it last night. Cassius was probably out for his morning run. Complaining the whole time, because he had come back late last night and hadn't gotten enough sleep - but Chilla wasn't about to let the blonde forget his commitments.
He felt the instant Yas woke. Heard the slight change in his breathing and felt his body stiffen. The peace evaporated and Kim tensed in response. His thoughts started racing.
What was Yas thinking? Was he angry with Kim for visiting him, when he wasn't ready? For making him lose control? Or would he rather be with Cassius or Chilla right now? Maybe he wanted to be alone...
The anxiety built and built until a chitter burst from his mouth and Yas' body twitched.
"Hi..." The albino whispered.
"Hi." Kim squeaked, pulling back to look up. Yas wet his red lips and avoided Kim's eyes.
"I-I'm so sorry." Yas murmured. "I wasn't...myself. I didn't mean to hurt you...I would never..." the albino's voice trailed off and his face twisted. He ducked his head and started to pull away. Kim grasped his arm.
"No, I'm sorry!" He said, heart pounding. "Y-you saved me. And I got you in trouble and then...I made it worse. I shouldn't have gone to see you. C-Chilla explained it to me...about control..." Yas' pink eyes widened as Kim rambled, struggling to put thought into words. "I don't want t-to ruin this...I've never been in a r-relationship b-before and I don't how t-to...please don't lea-"
Yas lowered his head and kissed him hard, muffling the rest of his words. Kim hugged the albino tightly and felt his back press into the mattress.
Chilled hands were on his hips, pulling down his shorts and bringing cold skin against hot. Long legs pinned his firmly.
Kim shivered, he was still on high alert, nerves crackling and feeling twice as sensitive as they usually did. He was hyperaware of every press of Yas' body against him. The cool brush of his hair and the velvety feel of his skin.
He breathed in Yas' musky scent and pushed up the baggy t-shirt the albino slept in to cover his scars. He touched them, running his fingers firmly over the ridges.
Yas shuddered and hissed into his mouth. Their groins were rubbing firmly, growing slick. But it wasn't enough. Kim arched his back, guiding Yas' damp cock over his balls, to slip between his buttocks.
Yas froze and his shocked stare locked with Kim's. It was fascinating to see the change in his eyes so close, the maroon pupils slitting further, and then a rattle rumbled through Kim's body.
Yas pressed forward, gripping Kim's hips hard. It stung without lubrication, but Kim didn't care. He wanted this connection. Needed it.
He panted from the pressure, feeling Yas kiss over his jaw and down his neck. Cold flesh was filling him up. Yas was inside him. Part of him. Finally.
He clutched the albino tightly, feeling a tear slide down his temple. Then Yas was moving, drawing back and thrusting back in. Kim gasped and wound his legs around narrow hips.
Their brows pressed, noses grazing. Each push was deep and hard. The pleasure rose steadily, rolling hot up his spine. He moaned, long past caring about noise or breathing.
The cool fingers on his dick suddenly squeezed tight, staving off the pleasure.
"Ah!" Kim bucked his hips. "Don't!"
"Wait for me." Yas husked, dropping his head to kiss Kim. Then he pulled away.
"Noo!" Kim pleaded, shaking his head.
"Just wait." Yas' tongue ran over Kim's chin, down his throat.
Kim whimpered and shook, skin wet where their bodies touched. The shaft inside him had warmed to his own temperature and Yas' breaths came fast against his mouth.
"Please!" His balls ached and he stretched his neck to kiss Yas' lips, but the albino's weight kept him pinned, red eyes burning into him. "I have to cum."
"I know." Yas' hips started pounding. Kim's eyes squeezed shut and his mouth fell open, lungs straining for air.
When the pressure became pain and Kim began to sob, Yas abruptly loosened his grip on Kim's cock and kissed his mouth hard. The orgasm ripped through him. His muscles convulsed and he whimpered into Yas' mouth.
They gradually stopped moving, limbs softening and growing heavy. Kim's legs dropped off Yas' hips and his weak hands slipped to the albino's shoulders.
Yas' kiss softened, until it was featherlight. Then he lifted his head and turned his face into Kim's neck. The arms around him hardened, until it was just this side of pain.
Kim let his cheek fall against silky white hair and closed his eyes. The scent of sweat and semen was heavy in the air, not just his own.
With the weight of Yas on top of him and the arms around him came the message: I'm here, I've got you and everything is going to be ok.
He breathed out and his mind quieted.
.....
Chilla returned around lunchtime, pulling apart the curtains to the bed and ordering them both to shower and dress.
When Kim and Yas returned to Cassius' room, clean and dressed, Chilla checked Kim's stitches and the bite mark on his neck, and rewrapped the bandages.
Then they sat at the table for a lunch of sandwiches. Kim's was with cheese, tomato and lettuce on wholemeal bread. Even something as simple as this was delicious.
As they were eating, Cassius burst into the room and straddled Yas' lap, taking the albino's face in his hands and covering it with kisses.
"Where did you go?" Cassius demanded. "I've missed you, you drama queen!"
Yas struggled and hissed with laughter, not making any real attempt to get away.
Chilla watched them for a long moment, grey eyes soft. Then he put a sandwich on a plate and set it on the table with a loud thunk. "Alright, that's enough. Come here and eat Cassius."
Chilla startled when Kim's arm folded around his waist.
"Thank you." Kim whispered, tentatively laying his head on Chilla's shoulder.
Chilla stared at him, looking slightly stunned. Then his mouth curved and a hint of pink touched his pale cheeks. He stroked Kim's hair, smoothing down the wild strands. "You're welcome."
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