Against all odds, they had yet to murder Penny. 

This was probably because she’d given up on the healthy meals thing. Apparently, they could put up with physical activity as long as they got real food. It also helped that, after the first week, they no longer felt like they were dying every time they went on a run. 

Tim still felt like crap, but that was mostly because he still had to go out at night and pretend to be a hero every once in a while. Apparently, while Penny was all for compromising the same could not be said of Lina. 

In other words, Lina was evil.

This wasn’t news to Tim, but it still kind of sucked. Especially because he’d been running into Sparrow more often. At least, Tim thought, their encounters had been more or less helpful to him.

Sparrow was every bit as nice as people seemed to think, which Tim supposed was cool. He’d never been much into heroes for obvious reasons, but he could appreciate the way Sparrow had managed to stay humble despite her growing fame. She seemed to think it was her duty as an older, more experienced hero, to guide the newbies. Tim just happened to be a newbie—or at least, he happened to be pretending to be a newbie. 

Either way, Sparrow took it upon herself to make sure Tim didn’t get killed.  

At least Lina’s whole plan to bond with the enemy seemed to be working. As an added bonus, Tim didn’t even have to sabotage Sparrow thanks to Penny putting their scheduled crimes on hold in order to train. For once, it seemed like things were working out. 

“You know, you’ve been doing really well,” Sparrow said as Tim helped her tie up a couple of bank robbers they’d successfully captured. Tim thought he might know one of the guys. He felt a bit guilty about getting him arrested until he remembered the guy was kind of a dick even for a criminal.

“You really think so?” Tim asked, subtly giving the guy an extra kick. “I mean, most of the time I don’t really know what I’m doing.” That was about the most honest thing Tim had ever told Sparrow. 

“Yeah, everyone’s like that at the start,” she said with a shrug, standing after finishing up with her robber and running a gloved hand through her short, light brown hair. “I remember the first night I came out here. There were some guys trying to mug a couple of college girls and I managed to chase them away but then I slipped on a plastic bag and let them get away.” Tim couldn’t help but snort at that. Honestly, it sounded like something that would happen to him instead of to a hero like Sparrow.

“Then there was the time I got lost and didn’t make it home until dawn. I got the weirdest looks too from people heading to work,” Sparrow went on without a hint of shame. In a way, it was kind of nice to know even someone like her could be incompetent sometimes. 

“Not gonna lie, your failures make me feel better,” Tim said, following her away from the scene of the attempted crime. Sirens blared in the background, coming closer with each second. Tim had learned soon enough that, while Sparrow didn’t mind the occasional impromptu interview, she preferred to be out of the spotlight. 

“Glad to know I can be an inspiration to you,” Sparrow said, doing her best to sound insulted, though there was the faintest of smiles on her face. 

They watched from the top of a nearby apartment building as the robbers were apprehended, then headed over to a nearby diner that was open all night. Sparrow had let Tim in on a little known secret of the hero community—they got free food from certain places. It made Tim wonder if maybe he’d really made the wrong career choice after all because free food seemed like a hell of a deal. Especially when it was free diner food. The greasy goodness they served could not be denied. 

Sparrow, being the good person that she was, still carried some cash because she didn’t like taking advantage of people’s kindness. Tim, being the asshole that he was, had no problem getting freebies because fuck that. If Tim could get free burgers and chili dogs, he was damn well getting free burgers and chili dogs. 

And so, that night they marched into the diner owned by a kind older man with a balding head and infectious smile. His name was Lonnie and he was quickly becoming Tim’s favorite person because apparently feeding him was the fastest way into Tim’s heart. 

“Hey, haven't seen you two in a while,” Lonnie said when they walked in.

The place was empty, which was normal for that time, but Tim knew they wouldn’t be there for long anyway. It was a shame because Lonnie was genuinely fun to chat with.

“It's only been a couple of days,” Sparrow pointed out. 

“Too long without seeing my favorite customers.” Lonnie smiled and leaned on the counter. “What can I get you tonight?”

“Two chili dogs and the strongest coffee you’ve got,” Sparrow said. It was their usual order. “So how are things going around here? Any trouble?” 

“Nah, everything's been quiet. Everyone knows better than to start anything around here.” Lonnie said after passing on their order to the cook on duty that night. It was probably David. Tim like David, mostly because David didn’t give a fuck about anything other than making everything deliciously greasy. “How’ve things been for you two?”

“Good, nothing too bad lately. I'm starting to think the city doesn't even need me,” Sparrow said jokingly.

“The city would fall apart without you,” Lonnie said with a laugh. “How’s the newbie?” He nodded his head towards Tim. 

“Well, he hasn’t died so I’d say pretty good all things considered.” Tim would have been more insulted if he weren’t already so used to no one believing in him. As it was, he just gave Lonnie a thumbs up.

They left Lonnie’s soon after, with full bellies and feeling recharged. Tim wasn’t sure what was in the coffee, but he was considering kidnapping Lonnie to find out. He was sure Penny would approve. 

Maybe some other time, Tim thought, because he didn’t think Sparrow would approve. 

Just as he was thinking of ways to get Lonnie’s coffee making secrets, Sparrow got news of a robbery not far from there through her trusty police scanner app. Tim was seriously starting to wish he’d bothered to get one, but then again, he wasn’t actually serious about his career as a hero. 

They headed to the site right away, Tim struggling to keep pace with Sparrow. He wanted to blame Penny’s fitness regime, but he was also painfully aware of how much the chili dog he’d just had was slowing him down. Still, they made it there quickly enough that the robbers were still at the scene of the crime. Which just happened to be a vitamin shop. 

Tim was starting to wonder if it was a sign from God that he should get in shape. 

Then he actually stepped into the shop with Sparrow and that thought left him in a second. Instead, it was replaced with the question of whether Tim should laugh or cry. Standing inside the store with bags half filled were Penny and her lackeys. Much as they had the first time, they stood there looking like deer caught in the headlights.

“Well, this is awkward,” Tim said, not really thinking before speaking. Still, it was a very accurate observation. 

Sparrow dove straight towards Tim’s friends, the closest of which was Carl. Poor Carl looked about ready to pass out. Tim honestly thought he might have seen his life flash before his eyes. But Carl was fortunate enough to have Penny snap out of her shock quickly enough to defend her poor henchmen. Tim watched in surprise as Sparrow was thrown back, crashing through the storefront window. 

Well, that was unexpected, Tim thought. Hell, even Penny seemed surprised. That only lasted for a couple seconds though, as she realized what the fuck was going on. 

“Run!” she ordered her henchmen. Not that she really needed to because running away was, after all, a time-honored tradition amongst henchmen. Penny’s crew was particularly good at it. 

Tim watched them all make a mad dash towards the back of the store where, presumably, they had their getaway vehicle waiting. When Tim looked behind him, Sparrow was getting up, broken glass raining down from her hair and cape as she stood, and oh—she looked pissed off. 

There was a second where Tim wasn’t sure what to do. He glanced at Penny, then back at Sparrow, and finally over to where his friends were busy shoving their way through the door leading to the back. Then, Tim made his choice. 

“I’ll go after the others!” he called out to Sparrow, who was busy going after poor Penny. The panicked shriek the villain let out almost made Tim reconsider his choice, but he knew that Penny had a better chance at holding out against Sparrow. 

Tim said a prayer for Penny and hurried after the others. 

As he’d predicted, they had Alejandro waiting behind the story with the engine running. Tim caught up with Lina, who was making sure everyone made it out. 

“Where’s Penny?” Lina asked Tim, looking back at the door to the front of the shop. 

“Trying not to die,” Tim said, rather unhelpfully. Still, it was true. “Listen, you all need to get out of here. Go around and wait in front for Penny.” 

After saying that, Tim hurried back over to the doorway, his hand in his pocket. Penny, against all odds, was still alive. Tim counted that as a win. Granted, she desperately needed help because throwing large protein powder bottles at Sparrow was probably just annoying her. 

Making sure not to be seen, Tim took out a couple of smoke pellets and rolled them over to where Sparrow was. As he’d hoped, they went off right about the same time Penny was prepping another round of protein powder missiles. The large containers went flying through the rapidly building smoke and hit Sparrow, catching her off guard. In a matter of seconds, the shop was filled with smoke. Enough so that Tim was able to run over to Penny and shove her to the front exit where Lina hurried over and pulled Penny away. 

Tim didn’t waste time watching them go, knowing Sparrow wouldn’t be distracted much longer. He pulled out an adhesive pellet and, thinking that Lina owed him one, he dropped it on his feet. 

When Sparrow burst out of the smoke filled shop—covered in protein powder and bits of glass—she was met with the sight of Tim, stuck to the road and the criminals nowhere to be seen. All in all, it was not a good night for her. 

Tim was honestly starting to think that he’d end up going bald at the rate things were going. For all the stories he’d heard, he wasn’t sure even college students were as stressed as he was. 

When he walked into the lair that night, his feet still sticky and feeling like he’d been thrown through a window, he wasn’t surprised to find Lina waiting for him. They stood there for a moment, Tim looking like crap by the entrance and Lina looking downright apologetic. 

“What the fuck was that?” was Tim’s first question. Idly, he noted that he’d sounded surprisingly calm. 

“Shopping trip?” was Lina’s questionable answer. 

Under any other circumstances, Tim might have laughed. At that moment though, he wanted nothing more than to lay down. And maybe cry a bit. 

"Well, you know how Penny wants us to be healthy and all that?" Tim nodded as he trudged over to the couch, ignoring the way his feet kept sticking to the floor, and dropped like a sack of potatoes onto the cushions. "Apparently, since we refuse to eat actual, healthy food, Penny decided we should try taking vitamins and, well, you know they can get pretty expensive."

Tim sat there for a moment, processing what Lina had just told him.

"You mean to tell me, we all nearly died because of vitamins?"

There was silence for a moment with Lina probably uncertain on what to say. Mostly because Tim was right—that was a pretty stupid reason to almost get caught.

And then, Tim laughed.

He suspected that probably said something about his sanity. That was, if he had any sanity left at all. Tim thought that was unlikely.

Eventually, he stopped laughing, ate a sandwich—accompanied by some of their hard earned vitamins—and headed to bed. After all, who knew what new kind of insanity the next day would bring. The only thing Tim  knew for certain was that he would need all the rest he could get.