"Hey, I'll be gone next week," Darryl said after class one day.

“So close to exams?” Lydia asked, curious.

“Yeah, some family obligation, ‘it’s obligatory’.” Lydia caught the sudden deepening of his tone at the end and assumed he was quoting his brother. She chuckled. “What’s this I hear? Are you mocking my pain?”

Lydia’s laugh got louder but she quickly settled down, “Why would I laugh? I’m the one stuck at school when all the teachers are cramming the leftover bits of knowledge into our brains-”

“Oh, I would trade you,” he started,

“- in increasingly hot rooms with no AC?” she continued.

“Okay, maybe I do have it better. Marginally.”

“I don’t know,” Lydia said thoughtfully, contradicting her own defense, hand on her chin dramatically. “Thinking about it, if all your family is like your brother than maybe I am better off,”

He found himself nodding in agreement, “Wanna’ trade?”

“Naw, I’ll stick with the droning on of random facts and sweaty clothes.”

Darryl made an exaggerated snapping of his finger while swinging his arm as if to say ‘Aww, Shucks!’

Lydia found herself missing her friend over the next week, pausing to look for him and opening her mouth to make some observation as if he was nearby.

When he finally returned, a bit of the light was missing from his eyes. “Trip went worse than expected?”

“No, actually,” he said flatly, “about what I expected.”

“Ouch,”

“Did you miss me?” he asked, brightening.

“Actually, I think I did,” Lydia said with true thoughtfulness.

Darryl grinned broadly.

“You sure you don’t want to fail your exams next week and repeat a year so I’m not alone again?” she goaded.

“Tempting, tempting” he said, dramatically stroking his chin.

“Hey,” Lydia chided “Just because you stroke your peach fuzz like it’s a beard, doesn’t make it a beard.”

He paused mid action and tried to glare at her. But they both erupted with gentle laughter.

“Seriously though, how will we be able to see each other? It’s not like we have any special communication devices or addresses to send letters-” Lydia trailed off arching her brow expectantly. He always simply appeared; it was hard for her to ask him outright for his information.

The smile faded from his face. “I don’t know if I can give you mine, my brother-” he grew quiet, “I am not even supposed to be ‘involving you in my life’,” he quoted with that deep voice again. Lydia wrinkled her nose in answer.

“Then I’ll involve you in mine, and when you finally decide to get a cell phone we won’t need to worry.” Lydia scribbled her number and address on a crumpled sheet of scrap paper from her bag, some old homework assignment. “Besides, we could always meet up at a designated time at that park, go for a run.” She quickly amended her suggestion, “Or I can run while you read,” The word run caused a stirring, but the medications were working much better, and it was barely a distraction.

“I’m not against running,” Darryl said, sounding offended. The two worked out a secret plan for the upcoming summer.

~~

When Lydia went out for her morning run that weekend, there was a guest waiting for her. The same fluffy dog that watched her weed the yard a while back.

Lydia hesitated as she left her yard. The dog simply sat, cocked his head, and let his tongue roll out with a happy *yip*.

They made eye contact for the long moment before Lydia found herself talking to him, “What?” she asked, “You wanna’ come?” another *yip* and his tail started thumping. “I better not regret this,” Lydia said. “Come on Pups,” and she began a gentle trot. The dog pulled alongside her, and she was surprised to see that his head was as tall as her hips, she figured he would have been a foot shorter at least.

“You’re a big guy, aren’t you Pups,” she said, slowly increasing her speed. He gave another pleased *yip* and kept pace with her.

By the end of the five miles, Lydia was sweating and breathing hard, but it was not her longest run by far. She had gone a bit faster, spurred on by her unique racing buddy. She knew the dog could outdistance her, especially when she sprinted through the park, but her pace was matched regardless.

As she approached her house, the dog trotted off with one last *yip*.

~~

This continued throughout the rest of the school year. She wondered what Darryl would think of her companion when they met in the park. When Monday arrived Pups wasn’t around, seeing Darryl waiting for her in his running shorts and a loose tee made her shake her head to dispel the disappointment. Afterall, it was not as if she would be running alone today.

“You’re serious about the running part,” Lydia mentioned, gesturing at his clothes.

“Other than the shoes this is my usual casual wear.” he said shrugging, “but yes, I am up for a run. I’ll let you lead.” Lydia took a moment to respond, wondering why he dressed so differently outside of school.

“How far are you ready to go?”

“Who knows,” he shrugged.

“Well, don’t peter out on me after the first mile, I may just leave you behind.”

“I’ll count on it,” he grinned.

When Lydia started out, Darryl took his place on her left, and it felt just as comfortable as her other companion. She found herself keeping the faster pace she had recently acquired before slowing down. Darryl stalled slightly as well and looked over at her.

“I don’t know your pace,” she answered the silent question.

He sped up to her original speed as an answer with his usual wide grin. The two of them kept pace as they navigated the neighborhood, talking idly about Darryl’s mostly non-existent plans now that he had graduated high school. He wanted to get a job at a library or bookstore, but none within the distance he could cover were hiring.

~~

In early July, Lydia was out on a Saturday running with Pups while cutting down a little-used road at the far side of the park. There was a sudden noise and a motorcycle darted out ahead of them. If Pups had not shoved his weight against her and threw her to the ground Lydia was sure she would have collided with a much less fluffy object.

Lydia was quite startled; she had her headphones in and didn’t hear the noise until she was being tossed to the ground. Pups was standing over her and growling at the receding shape. His skin jumped when she laid a hand on his side, pushing gently to get him off. He looked at her, eyes entirely too understanding.

“You’re so soft,” she said, digging her hands into his fur. He let out a low whimper and she realized her hands were trembling. She pulled her hands back quickly when the smell that wafted off the dog smelled of trees and stirred the wild side. This was the strongest she had smelt this type of woodsy smell, and it reminded her of Darryl and how he always smelled of the outdoors. Something inside her physically lurched so she let out her own whimper and curled forward on herself while rocking and trying to suppress the stirring voice. Trying to not hear its questions and demands.

‘I want-’ whispered the voice more earnestly. Lydia clamped down on it, but it cried out in frustration, ‘Mine!’

‘No,’ Lydia halted it, but it pressed harder than usual wanting, wanting, wanting. ‘Quiet, quiet, quiet!’ Lydia chanted in her mind, the rocking becoming fierce. But when the wild part sobbed in loneliness, Lydia felt her motions being overrunm7r and it made her movements jerky.

“I SAID BE QUIET!” Lydia yelled aloud before dissolving into tears. The dog gave her cheek a quick lick and sat, leaning his body against her. She couldn’t help but snuggle her face in his fur and cry. “I’m just so tired,” she lamented through sobs. “I don’t want to lose my friend because this smell wakes you up!” Lydia sobbed some more, “I am just so tired,” she cried even harder, it was a long time until she calmed enough to realize the dog was trembling underneath her touch. When she suddenly let go, he gave a big shake and stretch before facing her with his usual lolling tongue and a *yip*.

“I am sorry Pups, I don’t normally freak out like that, you just remind me of my friend Darryl, and I don’t get to listen to him talk like I used to. I still see him, just less often and for shorter times. Even with the new medication it’s so hard to keep it quiet.” There was a whine from Pups and Lydia took a shaky breath and stood up, suddenly walking towards home.

Pups saw her the entire way. Walking just close enough so that his fur would brush her fingers with each stride. Lydia gently grasped at the occasional tuft of hair that flowed through her fingers, realizing she had never touched Pups before today.

The next morning, Lydia was not sure if she wanted to run. But looking outside she saw the fawn-colored fur with the brown eyes staring back at her, a pink tongue hanging out. When they made eye contact, she could almost hear his *yip* as he said hello. Her mom came up behind her.

“So, whose dog adopted you?” she quipped.

“Lydia jumped slightly, “I don’t know, but he’s very nice,” Lydia responded reassuringly, dragging herself over to her shoes.

“Well, if you find the owner you should charge them a nominal fee for walking their dog every weekend.” her mom said with a chuckle and headed out of the room. Lydia should have expected that her mother had noticed, but she was still a bit surprised.

“My mom says I should charge your owner a dog walking fee,” Lydia reported as she approached Pups. His typical *yip* followed, he circled around her, this time brushing up against her legs.

 The two of them set off as usual but on the return trip there was a sudden booming voice.

“LAPU!”

Instantly Pups’ ears flattened against his skull, and he darted between Lydia’s legs, practically knocking her over, his long fur dragging on the ground.

“Hey!” she hollered while righting herself quickly. She turned to see Darryl’s older brother, whose name was escaping her, stalking toward her, and had to swallow quickly. Something inside her bristled and she stood firm.

“What gives!” she shouted, her fear transferring quickly into anger.

Terrance paused only for a moment before pointing to the dog. “He needs to get home,” to the dog, he said, “Lapu, I knew something was up yesterday, you reeked when you got home, is this where you’ve been sneaking off to!” Pups, or Lapu was growling now, Lydia took a tentative step to the side as he came forward, the disconnect in his actions causing concern, his body was cowering, but his voice held warning.

“If Father found out, do you know the sort of trouble you’d be in!” At the mention of “Father” the dog dropped so low his belly was now scraping the ground, but he kept growling, lips curling up in a snarl.

“Hey,” Lydia tried to interrupt.

“Haven’t I warned you not to associate too closely with her? How much have you said?”

The dog suddenly circled and let out a few fearful yelps and turned to look right at Lydia before pressing himself down to the ground again, “What do you mean she-” Terrance suddenly shut up and Lydia took the moment to distract him.

“Hey! You’re terrifying him! I don’t care if he is your dog, but you can’t treat him like this! He does no harm, just runs with me for a while and then presumably goes home. Leave him be!” The absurdity of this conversation was still not enough to quell her anger.

Terrance turned on her, “You have no idea the danger this puts you in! Go home and leave my family alone.”

The way he said “My family” further roused the wild side Lydia was so desperately beating back. She found herself growling too, a deep rumble that shook her chest. ‘How dare he!’ the voice roared in her head, and she clutched at her chest in a feeble effort to make it to stop. She could feel the hairs on her body bristling and her lips curling up in a snarl. Lydia snapped one hand over her mouth to hide it while the other still clutched at her chest. Embarrassment was the emotion that could finally topple over the anger, and she flushed.

“I – I need to go!” She managed before turning tail and running as fast as her legs would carry her. Unfortunately, she could not run away from herself. However, when her body would go no more, she made it home, climbed into her bed and sobbed. Her mother came in and quietly stroked her hair. While it had been several years since this had happened, it was no unfamiliar sight, and Robin just sat quietly until her daughter was ready. Talking or otherwise, she would provide support however she could.

~~

Darryl was not at the park on Monday, or any other day that week. Saturday Pups was not there either and Lydia was feeling so drained that she just turned around and went back to her room.

Her mother came into her room with her medication and a glass of water.

“Hey, babe, I know times are hard, but this is important” and she held out the medication.

Lydia just rolled over and groaned that it was not worth it and covered her head with a blanket. She could hear her mother leaving a voicemail for the doctor informing him of her current symptoms and reporting that she did not force the medication, but it had been 3 days since she had had any.

Had it been? Lydia could not bring herself to care. She wanted the feeling on the inside to just claw itself out through her chest. Maybe then she would be rid of it. The vibrations of her nails on her chest were soothing, and she finally dosed off to sleep.