Dear diary,

Today I pooped the most glorious fecal configuration ever conceived by humankind.  It slid out like a prince and hovered over the water as in a dream. I wiped hurriedly and turned to see the smoothest hue of maple syrup brown looking back at me with gleamy eyes that evoked the warm rains of early spring. If only there were words to describe the way it sat on its porcelain throne! Ambrosial Serenissima! The plump and poised loaf laid half submerged like a buoyant Buddha who had just found enlightment while meditating in a crystal clear pond in the middle of a bamboo forest. I could have spent the next thousand years contemplating that portent of universal energy, but my belly rumbled demanding fresh aliment. I bid her farewell with teary eyes, vowing never to forget her.

¡Flush!

There she went spinning graciously like a dolphin into the abyss of the sewer system. May she find peace surrounded by her kind.

Have you thought about all the poops in the world that were taken and forgotten?

I am starting this diary to address this urgent need of my soul. I write with trembling hands as it would be infinitely foolish not to be overcome with emotion when considering the infinity of possibilities that await me.

Not many people are able to contemplate poo and find beauty in it, so as one of the fortunate few I feel compelled to share these wonders with the world. I have a dream that one day humanity will come to understand the wondrous worlds of poo.