Dupont and Chapeau continued to somersault south into the black hole. Neither could find the air to scream or speak but both could feel the slow decrease in their velocity. Soon they were not so much falling as they were rather drifting, still in a downward direction, from what they could tell.

 

Beatrice tilted her head back up the way they had come and saw a dark sky full of glistening stars.

 

“Oh!” she exclaimed, and found she could finally speak again. “Well, what now?”

 

“We wait for the end, I suppose,” Mad Hat shrugged in midair.

 

“The end of what?”

 

“Whatever this is.”

 

“That seems silly. Why should we spend our time just waiting when we don’t even know what we’re waiting for?”

 

“Then what do you propose we do?”

 

“I dunno... play 20 questions?”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“A game... You have to guess what I am.”

 

“You’re Beatrice.”

 

“No - I mean, yes, I am, but in the game you have to guess whether I’m an animal, a vegetable, or a mineral.”

 

“You’re an animal. This seems like a very simple game. Am I winning?”

 

“No,” she snapped. “Forget it.” She tilted her head the other way and saw a tiny square of green. “Oh look,” she pointed. “What’s that?”

 

Mad Hat looked. “What we’ve been waiting for, I suppose.”

 

The square, as it approached - or rather, as they approached it - became four squares of alternating color. That soon became nine squares, then sixteen, until it looked like they were going to collide into a giant green checker board.

 

Beatrice let out a sharp gasp as their free-fall came to a sudden stop just inches away from the ground. They hung suspended in the air for just a moment before whatever force had held them abruptly let go.

 

The long thick grass was soft against Beatrice’s cheek. She took a deep breath and was reminded of a freshly cut lawn in summer, the difference being that it was rather cold wherever she was.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“Oh,” Beatrice started at Mad Hat’s words. She had briefly forgotten her companion and their situation. He held out a hand and she let him help her from the ground.

 

Looking around them they observed that they had landed on a hill that was indeed a checkered pattern of alternating dark and light patches of grass. A valley dipped away from them and sound drift back up from it.

 

The clashing of swords and shields and the neighing of horses was growing louder. The two travelers regarded each other, unsure of what to do.

 

“Where are we?” Beatrice asked finally.

 

Mad Hat shrugged. “This might be All Man’s Land.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“A place where anyone can stake their claim but no one can hold it. See those things down there?”

 

Beatrice looked and when she squinted real hard she could almost make out the odd shapes that where dancing violently at each other.

 

“I believe those are the Stauntons. They’ve been fighting for millennia over these lands, but no one ever wins.”

 

“If no one ever wins then what’s the point?”

 

“I guess the point is the actual fighting. Fighting for something they believe in.”

 

“What do they believe in?”

 

“Winning.”

 

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

 

“Not much does.”

 

“Not here anyway…” Beatrice grumbled.

 

“Come on.” Mad Hat turned and headed down the side of the hill.

 

“Do you know where we’re going yet?”

 

“I have an idea.”

 

Beatrice and Madoc descended the hill towards the fighting Stauntons.

 

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to be walking into a war zone like this?”

 

“No.”

 

The sounds of war grew louder. Soon a soldier on horseback came galloping up to them.

 

“Reinforcements!” he cried enthusiastically.

 

“No, Sir. We’re a neutral party,” Mad Hat corrected him.

 

“Ah, that is lamentable,” the soldier lamented. “We could use more strapping young lads such as yourselves!”

 

“I’m not a lad,” Beatrice rebuked. “Strapped or otherwise.”

 

The soldier peered down at her. “Sorry my dear, would you like some tea?” He turned back to Mat Hat. “You, my good man, should consider joining our ranks. You look bred to ride on horseback and defend The Cause!”

 

“The members of my family have never been accomplished equestrians. Quite the opposite, I must admit,” Mat Hat responded.

 

The soldier frowned. “My condolences. But here, you should not wander these All Man’s Lands undefended! Take these grenades to arm yourselves thus against attackers.” He handed them each a cardboard carton.

 

“These are eggs,” Beatrice pointed out.

 

“Just what did you expect them to be?” the soldier inquired.

 

“Explosives?”

 

“Good Headbands! How barbaric!” He shuddered. “Mind you use those wisely. Once broken, they cannot be reformed, no matter how valiant an effort one attempts.” Then he galloped off.

 

The pair looked at each other and down at their so-called weapons.

 

“Now all we need is a few rolls of toilet paper and we’re all set to terrorize the neighborhood,” Beatrice commented.

 

Mat Hat looked at her quizzically. “I don’t understand the reference.”

 

“Nevermind.”

 

They walked a bit farther, picking their way around heaps of debris and shrapnel that looked like broken dishes and silverware. Funny looking creatures were climbing over and picking through the piles. They were crab-like in form, but dark feathers covered their bodies.

 

“What are those?” Beatrice asked her tour guide.

 

“I don’t remember the name of them, but I know it has to do with music.”

 

“Music?”

 

“Yes, when they’re agitated they can produce a few notes... but they’re very flat.”

 

“Is that a joke?”

 

“No, that’s what I’ve heard.”

 

“Well, this doesn’t look like the way back to anywhere.”

 

“This is actually the way back to everywhere, but it’s simply called the WABE. If we keep going we’ll eventually get where we’re supposed to be.”

 

“The logic here is so… illogical,” Beatrice frowned.