Being his fucking house spouse is boring as shit. But, I don't think I'm that useful anyway. So, I'm probably best just staying here. Not like I have a car to go anywhere.

I've been sprawled on the couch half-heartedly watching reality TV for hours now. I could sleep or make lunch.

I'm just waiting around for him to get home. I even almost miss him touching me.

What's happened to me? I'm so fucking pathetic. I should-

A knock at the door. Maybe it's Daren. No, he's at work, isn't he… Maybe it's Dad.

I get off the couch and stumble to the door.

Maybe it's a missionary preaching religion. Either way, I’m so desperate for socialization I don’t care who it is.

I unlock and open the door.

It’s, I can’t believe it! It’s Heath!

But he’s an inch or so taller And he... Looks a lot older than he used to.

I now realize I haven’t seen him in like three years. I mean every once in a while Daren would post a picture on Instagram with him in it. But it’s nothing compared to seeing him in person.

How old is he now?

He looks up at me nervously. And holds up a bag, “Um, uh- Clothes you left in my room... At my house..”

His voice~ did- Did He go through puberty? Aw, I missed his voice cracks.

But fuck. His voice. It's still soft, but deeper now. I can’t tell if it’s deeper than mine.

I look at him wide-eyed, “Your voice.”

He looks down awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. I continue, “I love it so much!”

I want to pull him into a hug. He glances up at me, “Uh, thanks.”

I step to one side of the doorway, “Do you want to come inside?”

He gives me a small smile, “I- Uh- I mean, Uh- Okay.”

I gesture for him to come in, and he does. I step back inside and close the door, “Are you hungry?”

He shakes his head. He stands awkwardly in front of the couch like he’s waiting for me to tell him he can sit down.

I walk over and sit on the couch, “Sit down, we have so much to catch up on.”

He sits on the couch stiffly and puts the bag on the coffee table.

I laugh a little hysterical, “Like I fucking forgot your age.”

I really want to pull him in and hold him, but I don’t know where our friendship stands.

He smiles, pained, “I’m going to be eighteen this fall.”

“Fuck.” I exclaim. I run my fingers through my hair, “I’m going on twenty-two.”

“I know.” His voice sounds hollow.

I smile at him like an idiot. I can’t fucking express my excitement.

I put my hands between my knees, “So what’s been happening in your life?”

“I-” He stares down hard at the floor. “I haven’t done anything.”

I nudge him with my elbow, “Oh, come on. At least tell me something small that happened.”

“Uh-” He starts, “You got married, why don’t you tell me something.”

I sit up straight, “Oh, sorry. Yeah, I’ll start first. I got married and live with my- um- Husband.” It feels awful calling him that, “You know Len.”

Heath shrugs, “Sort of.” He continues, “I don’t think he likes me.”

“Why not?” I ask concerned.

“Last time he talked to me... He told me to stop getting in the way of you loving him.”

What the fuck do I say to that? The guy I married told my fucking best friend (that isn't Daren) to stop hanging out with me. Because what? He was worried I’d fall in love with Heath? Why did I marry that fucking moron?

“Fuck dude.” I finally answer.

“Yeah..” He trails off.

I sigh, “You know he’s an asshole sometimes.”

I lean closer to Heath, “I had no idea he said that to you”

He shrugs again, “He told me not to tell you.”

I slam my fist on my knee, “That damn manipulative bastard.”

Heath takes a breath, “I was actually kind of scared to drop off your clothes because of him.” He hangs his head, “That’s why it took me so long.”

“I was worried he’d be the one to answer the door.”

I put a hand on Heath’s shoulder, “I don’t want you to be scared of him.”

He shakes his head, “I’m sorry.”

I rub his shoulder, “No, I’m sorry, I had no idea he was pushing you away, I thought you didn't like me anymore.”

I exhale through my nose, “I should have reached out..”

Heath puts his hand on mine, the one on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault.”

A thick silence oozes over us. It’s heavy. And I feel all the regret boiling to the surface. We sit there.

I feel like shit. I want to reconnect with him but I’m not good with words.

“Hey, Heath?” I finally start,

“Yeah?” He doesn’t look up from the floor.

I continue, “Can I hold you?” I smile to myself, “Like I used to?”

His body stiffens and his hand leaves mine, he doesn’t look up at me.

I shake my head, “We don't have to, I'm just nostalgic for old times.”

“Okay,” his voice is uneven.

I freeze, “What?”

He finally looks at me, “We can cuddle.”

I’m going to fucking melt, “In here or in my room?”

I don't want to mention that Lennon also sleeps there to not make him uncomfortable.

He shrugs, “Either one.”

“Alright,” I say, feeling chipper. I get up and hold out my hand for him, he takes it. I walk him back to my room.

I sit down on the bed, and so does he. I help him out of his jacket. It’d be way too hot. I drop his jacket to the floor and start to pull him in. He pushes away, “Let me tell Daren I’m staying for a while.”

I back off and let him do what he needs. He pulls out a phone. He has a phone? What!? When did he get that? I need his number. He looks up at me, “Can you drive me home?”

I nod excitedly, “Yes! When did you get a phone?”

He looks at it typing something. “A few months ago.”

He looks back at me, “I’m still figuring it out.”

He leans over and puts the phone on the nightstand. He pushes me down with him into bed. I wrap my arms around him, he feels a little bigger. I have no idea what I’m doing anymore.

I kiss the top of his head, and he curls up in my arms, our legs intertwining.

I rub his arm, to soothe him or something, But I can't help but notice how much muscle he has now. It’s all I feel. I hadn’t even noticed. Does he have more than Len? He sure has more than me.

I let go of his arm, I can’t think. I’m not used to this anymore. It’s so calm, I feel safe. I hope he does too.

And that’s when I feel him start to shake. His whole body convulsing, sobbing into my chest. I start to feel his warm tears through my thin shirt.

He grasps my shirt, it pulls tight around me with his grip.

What should I do? Do I need to console him?

I pat his head, then move my hand down, rubbing his back.

His head turns facing upward at me. His eyes are red, and his cheeks are wet, “I- I’m sorry.”

I shake my head slowly, “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“I just-” He hiccups, “Haven’t been held in a while.”

And that almost makes me cry, I had no idea he actually liked this and maybe even needed it. I hold him tighter to myself.

He turns his face back into my chest. And his breaths slow, like he’s taking deep breaths trying to calm himself.

“It’s okay,” I hush. Tears sting my eyes. And I lean my head down to his. And kiss the top of it again, “I missed you so much.”

He nods, His muffled voice vibrates against my chest, “Me too.”

I don’t want to talk. I just want to be with him, fall asleep with him.

I yawn, “Mind if I sleep?”

A muffled, “no”

And I breathe calmly, syncing our breathing. Is it weird that the way he smells calms me? Like no joke, He's got some Anti-stress sent or something. It doesn't happen with Daren though. Which is weird since they smell the same. Hmm, I don’t know.