I fall back into consciousness, but don’t open my eyes. Sebastian is running his fingers through my hair. It feels nice, I can’t remember the last time someone touched me in such a caring way. It reminds me of how mom used to when I was little. I just want to take the moment in for a little bit.

I rub a bit of his polyester shirt between my fingers. I- I could’ve sworn he was wearing a normal T-shirt before, I must have been confused or in the rush of everything mistook it. Either way, it’s still warm and soft. I sort of wish I could fall asleep each night like this.

I’m not ready to get up yet. But I really shouldn’t waste his time like this. I need to get up. I take one last deep breath, taking in the moment. It’s calm, almost serene.

I push myself up with my arms, and Sebastian’s hand falls from my head, “Hey, Seb-”

I look up at him.

No-

NO.

NO! NO! NO!

Lennon’s face looks down at me, a mixture of shock and discomfort in his expression.

I- I can’t- I stumble over myself trying to get off him. I jerk back so far that I fall off the bed.

I hit my head, and it shakes my brain, sending pain all throughout my skull. I rub the back of my head.

Lennon leans over the side of the bed looking down at me. My newfound pain immediately replaced by fear. Both my head and my heart are pounding.

Where’s Sebastian!? Why is Lennon here?

I look up at him, a mix of terror and alarm no doubt in my expression.

Lennon looks away, holding out his hand for me, “Sorry..”

I don’t take it. I just stare at it in horror.

He grabs my arm and pulls me up, I practically fly back onto the bed. My face is buried in the blanket. I feel nauseous. I pull myself up but can’t look Lennon in the face.

I haven't seen him since he threatened me, and I don’t want a repeat of that.

We sit a foot apart, awkwardly.

“You really flew..” Lennon says with a hint of panic in his voice.

I just stare down at the bed silently.

“I didn’t plan this.” Lennon sounds desperate, “Baz wanted me to cuddle with you guys and I said okay and then he left and-” The panic doesn’t leave his voice, “Well, you-”

He trails off and we sit in silence again. I’m not sure what to do. Why did Sebastian leave? Is he coming back? Did he want us to get close like that? Did he plan this?

Lennon rubs the back of his neck, “Uh... This is awkward as fuck.”

I nod in agreement. I finally work up the strength to look him in the face, “Where is he?”

Lennon looks at me, nose wrinkled, “What?”

“Where’s Seb?” I correct.

Lennon’s gaze wanders to the door, “Oh, he’s in the bathroom.” Lennon blinks, “He should be-”

The door opens and Sebastian walks in, looking from Lennon to me and back. He raises his eyebrows, “Everything good?”

I nod. Lennon shrugs, “Pretty sure, I mean he fell off the bed but other than that-”

Sebastian chuckles, “Heh, so that’s what that sound was.”

Sebastian comes over to me and hugs my head to his stomach, patting my cheek, “Ya okay?”

I nod again, wriggling out of his grip.

He turns to Lennon, “Did you throw him?”

“NO!” Lennon puts his hands up in surrender, “Why would I- Why would you even think-”

Sebastian smirks, then looks back at me, “Did he throw you?”

Oh. I’m a little tempted to say yes just to get Lennon in trouble. I shake my head though anyway since I'd rather not start drama.

Sebastian looks at me skeptically, “Really?”

I nod. Sebastian looks at Lennon and frowns with approval, “I’m pleasantly surprised, Len.”

Then he looks back and forth between us again and looks down at the floor, “You guys want to cuddle some more?”

Everyone freezes. I stare down at the bed. How long has Lennon been here? How long was he holding me? Did he want to? Did he like it? I hate to think that I wasn’t repulsed till I knew it was him. Oh god, what if he liked it?

Lennon shakes his head sighing deeply, “I’m starving, I’ll make supper”

Sebastian leans over to Lennon, “Want help?”

Lennon backs up a bit, “Um- Nah. You two- uh-”

Sebastian claps his hands together, “Okay, we’ll help.”

Lennon shakes his head again but a smile peeks at the corners of his mouth, “No- I mean, you don't have to.”

Sebastian lifts Lennon’s face up by his chin, “But you never cook.”

Sebastian's grip on Lennon's chin tightens, “So why now?”

“UH- I-” Lennon tries to pull his face away, looking almost fearful.

Sebastian turns to me, not letting go of Lennon’s jaw, “Heath do you wanna help make supper?”

I shrug. Sebastian lets go of Lennon and smiles, “It’s a plan!” He grabs one of each of our hands.

He takes us both out of the room and down the hall and into the kitchen. He lets go of our hands and looks at us, “What are we making?”

“I dunno,” Lennon answers in a dumb voice.

I shrug and look down and look down at the floor. Sebastian seems to wilt a little, “I'm tired, what if we just order pizza or something.”

“I mean, it’s fine with me,” Lennon says apathetically.

Sebastian turns to me, “Heath?”

I nod.

“Uh, okay,” Sebastian gives a thumbs up, “What flavor?”

Lennon starts walking out of the kitchen, “I'll get my laptop, you two figure it out.” He leaves down the hall.

Sebastian leans in close to me, “Are you not talking cuz Lennon's here?”

I don’t know how to answer that. Yes, I'm really not comfortable enough around him to talk. Or no, I’m like that with everyone. I am like that with everyone. Or at least almost everyone. I settle on, “I don’t know.”

He nods, “Okay, it’s fine. But did he scare you?”

“He- It, I thought he was you.” I stumble on my words, “Then when I looked up at him..” I trail off.

“Oh.” Sebastian pats my shoulder, “My fault.”

He stands straight again, “I guess, I wanted you two to be able to be close.”

I look down at the floor.

“It was stupid and I wasn’t thinking.” He continues.

“Anyway, what kind of pizza do you want?” Sebastian bounces back.

I shrug, “Pineapple?”

Sebastian face palms, “Fuck, Lennon hates Pineapple.”

“We don’t have-” I start.

“No, I guess we should get two anyway.” Sebastian interrupts me, “He likes classic pepperoni.”

“And I’m good with both.”

I frown at him, “I don’t want to make you spend more money.”

“Nah, we’d buy two anyway.” Sebastian brushes me off.

He runs a hand through my hair as he walks past me, his hand falls to my arm, and reaches for my hand, pulling me along with him around the counter, past the hall to the couch.

Lennon comes out of the hallway at the exact moment I walk in front of it. He bumps into me, too busy on his laptop to notice I was in the way. There's an awkward moment when he looks down at me. And I look up at him.

He quickly backs away. I move out of the way, following Sebastian to the couch.

Lennon sits down next to Sebastian, “Pepperoni?”

“And pineapple,” Sebastian says.

Lennon groans, “Ugh, But it fucking smells awful.”

“No, it’s good.” Sebastian notes, “And Heath likes it so we have to get it.”

You really don’t.

Lennon sighs, “Fine. Okay, one pepperoni and one pineapple?”

Sebastian pats Lennon on the shoulder, “Yeah, and some coke.”

“Mmm ‘kay,” Lennon puts in the order, “It’ll be here in like forty minutes.”

Sebastian rubs my shoulder, “Guess we wait now.”

Lennon closes his computer, “Should I grab glasses?”

“Ehh you could probably wait,” Sebastian says.

“You guys know any good movies?” Lennon asks.

“Not really,” Sebastian sighs.

I just shake my head.

“Hey, guys?” Sebastian says, sounding serious, “Can we talk?”

We both slowly nod in agreement.

Sebastian leans forward in his seat, putting his hands together, “Okay,”

He points with his hands at Lennon, “Len, how do you feel about Heath?”

Lennon looks around awkwardly, “I don’t really know him..”

Lennon drops his gaze, glancing at me before focusing on the floor.

I know how he feels about me. He might not know me but I know he dislikes me.

Sebastian turns to me, “How do you feel about Lennon?”

You shouldn’t ask a question you’re not ready to hear the answer to.

“I don’t feel anything,” I say dryly.

“Hmm, okay,” Sebastian puts his fingers to his lips, “What if while we wait, we get to know each other?”

I don’t exactly want to know any more about Lennon.

Sebastian leans back on the couch, “I'll share a fact about me first, one neither of you knows.”

He takes a breath, “I’ve actually talked to my mom.”

Lennon lights up, “No way, really!?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian smiles, “She doesn’t like me.”

“She says she doesn't want to be related to someone disgusting like me.” His smile doesn’t falter, “Heh, because I told her I was married to a man.”

Lennon rubs his chin and gapes at Sebastian, “Oh my fucking god,”

Lennon crosses his arms, “Sorry Baz, but I hate your mom,”

Sebastian nods, “Yeah, me too,”

“Glad my dad got custody when they were getting divorced.” Sebastian lets out a small hysterical laugh, “He almost didn't then my mom's old alcoholism was brought up in court and she lost the custody battle.”

Sebastian’s face contorts into a half-pained, half-gleeful expression, “You know what’s funny?”

His eye twitches, “When I told my dad about me having a boyfriend, all he said was-”

“Oh, son, I knew you weren't into girls, I'm glad there's someone you're into. I was starting to worry. I don't like the thought of you dying alone." Sebastian lowers his voice to quote his dad. But he still carries a tinge of anguish.

Lennon obliviously pats Sebastian’s back in celebration, “You’re dad’s great,”

Lennon sobers, “Though every time I stayed over when he was home it was always so awkward,”

He shakes his head, “Like he doesn't know what is and isn't offensive so he's always so careful with his words.”

I never really met Sebastian’s dad. Not formally anyway.

“When I met your dad, he asked if you were fucking me,” I say out of the blue.

They both stare at me. “He thought I was a girl,” I continue.

“But when I told him I was a guy,” I go on, “He asked if I was fucking you.”

Sebastian puts a hand to his mouth in horror, “You never told me that.”

“I only told Daren.” I look down, “I was too scared to tell you,”

Lennon raises his hand, “Okay, Baz, maybe your dad has some things to work on.”

Sebastian looks between us concerned, “Yeah, He’s blunt about what he means,” He focuses on me, “Jeez, Heath, I’m so sorry.”

I shrug, “He thought I was twelve. He thought you were into- uh, that...”

Sebastian recoils, “Ehh, God- Heath.”

Sebastian hesitates but places a hand on my shoulder, “I’m so, so sorry. You knew that’s not what our relationship was right?”

I lean my head away from him, “Yeah.”

“Then what was your relationship?” Lennon interjects.

“I don’t really know..” Sebastian frowns, “All I remember is a lot of cuddling and barely consensual kissing.”

“And alcohol. Lots of alcohol,” he adds.

Lennon glares at Sebastian, “Are you even listening to yourself?”

Lennon huffs, “He was fourteen, you were eighteen, you drank under age and encouraged a minor to drink under age. You took advantage of him while he was under the influence. You did all this-”

Lennon shakes his head aggravated, “When you could’ve had me.”

Sebastian looks at Lennon tired, “I know... But I found you eventually.”

Lennon leans into Sebastian, “Not soon enough.”

Lennon turns his head to Sebastian’s neck, he makes eye contact with me for a split second. And my life flashes before my eyes.

Sebastian turns back to me, Lennon now sucking on his neck. Spit drips down from Lennon’s mouth rolling onto Sebastian’s shoulder, and down his shirt.

Sebastian rolls his eyes, “Heath, how do you feel about our relationship back then?”

I try to focus on Sebastian’s face and keep my expression neutral, with Lennon all over him it isn’t the easiest, “I don’t remember, I was scared a lot though.”

I also felt loved in a way I hadn’t in years.

Sebastian’s face fills with dispaired sympathy, he starts to lean towards me for a hug but is pulled back by Lennon. He promptly yanks Lennon’s head away by his hair.

Sebastian looks Lennon in the eyes, “Get that damned mouth off me now.”

Lennon raises his hands in surrender, “Sorry hun.”

Sebastian lets go of Lennon, “Don’t say shit like ‘hun’.”

Lennon seems to shrivel, “Sorry.”

After another twenty minutes, the doorbell finally rings. We’ve been sitting here a while now.

Sebastian gets over to the door, and Lennon gets into the kitchen for some glasses. I should help Sebastian carry stuff to the table. I get up and to the door.

As I walk toward the door, I hear their conversation. Do people really have full-on conversations with their pizza deliverer?

The deliverer, “Mind if I snag your number while I’m at it?”

Sebastian chuckles, holding up his left hand and wiggling his fingers.

The deliverer, “Oh, my bad. The missus' home?”

And at that moment I realize I’m in view of the door. The deliverer spots me, “Or the mister?”

Sebastian leans his shoulder against the door frame, “Why, You’d rather ask me out when he’s not around?”

The deliverer backs up, “No, heh. You’re just good-looking is all.”

The deliverer rubs the back of their neck, “I’m probably too young for you anyway..”

Sebastian hands me the bag with the soda in it, “Shit, you a minor?”

The deliverer makes a pained expression, “No, but I’m just eighteen.”

Sebastian hands me the pizzas, “I’m only twenty-two.”

The Deliverer starts backing away, “Oh, you’re married pretty young then.”

Sebastian nods, “Yeah…”

The deliverer walks backward down the concrete path, “Have a good night,”

Sebastian says goodbye then closes the door and looks at me blankly, “What?”

I shake my head, “Nothing,”

He starts walking over to the couch, “I was just having a little fun,”

I follow placing the pizzas down. I pull the soda out of the bag and place it on the table as well.