The apartment was uncharacteristically silent that morning. Usually, Hyo Rin and Ha Nee would be having small talks over breakfast about a funny incident at work or the latest episode of the melodrama they were currently hooked on—just anything to start the day on a good note. And after that, one of them would wash the dishes while the other took a bath. Then, they would be out the door by 8:15 a.m., catch the bus five minutes later, and clock in at work at a quarter before nine.
Well, it was already twenty minutes past seven and they were still on the couch, awkwardly sitting side-by-side without uttering a single word when the original agenda was to have a conversation about the contretemps from the night before.
Although in reality, the pressure to get it done and over with was on Hyo Rin alone—primarily because it was her idea to have this discussion and it was her story to tell.
Ultimately, she decided to open the topic by asking the other woman in the room, “Did Ho Jun tell you anything?”
“He told me about you, eonnie,” Ha Nee murmured without meeting her eyes. “He told me about the engagement and the ugly breakup too.”
“Did he go into details about the whys?”
“Yeah. He said that you dumped him because he cheated.”
‘Dumped’? Hyo Rin inwardly seethed. More like ‘kicked out of my life’.
Oh, the audacity of her ex to downplay everything! Suddenly, she felt the urge to give Ha Nee a blow-by-blow account of their fallout.
Still, Hyo Rin had the grace to hold herself back from doing just that.
And instead, she set her lips in a grim line before throwing another question at her, “And… you’re okay with that?”
“He promised he would never do it again—and I believe him,” Ha Nee replied.
“Ah.”
“I would like to give him the benefit of the doubt, eonnie.”
Hyo Rin could not help staring at her friend in disbelief.
“Heol,” she mumbled to herself, then nodded. “Good for him then.”
That was all she allowed herself to say.
It was only moments later that she squared her shoulders, heaved a deep breath, and informed Ha Nee that she was moving out.
Anxious, her friend asked her upfront, “Eonnie, are you angry at me?”
“No.”
“Then why are you leaving?”
“It’s for the best.”
“Eonnie, I swear”—Ha Nee paused a beat to swallow—“I didn’t know that you and Ho Jun oppa were together before.”
“How could you? I mean—what are the odds, right?” Hyo Rin scoffed. “But, really… I think that under our current circumstances, it’s the right thing to do.”
That was when Ha Nee began to weep.
Even if she was likewise feeling uneasy at that moment, Hyo Rin quickly scooted closer to her to wrap an arm around her shoulders and pull her into a hug.
“Ya! What’s with the waterworks? I’m not mad at you, okay?” she jokingly chided her while gently patting her back. “Although I just might lose my temper if you don’t stop crying.”
Ha Nee then tried to stifle her sobs like an obedient little sister—which was funny because they were born only a year apart.
And when she had calmed down, Hyo Rin told her, “Listen to me, Ha Nee-ssi. If you are worried that I am taking your relationship with Kang Ho Jun against you, then you’re wrong. I am fully aware that the coincidence is simply a weird stroke of luck and nothing else.”
“But can you consider my situation too? I’ll be honest with you: it’s not going to be easy for me to get accustomed to seeing his face again on a regular basis,” she continued to explain herself. “And then, be compelled to talk to him one way or another.”
The frown on Ha Nee’s face deepened as she realized this, which only left Hyo Rin feeling guilty when she had every right to be comfortable living in that apartment too.
In the end, she caved in and merely sighed, “And it’s also not fair that you stop bringing him over for dinners at home and whatnot because of me.”
Nodding, Ha Nee pulled back a bit to wipe her tears with the back of her hand and said, “I understand, eonnie.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Thank you.”
“Will you be alright, though? It’s difficult to find a vacancy at such short notice.”
“Of course, I will,” Hyo Rin assured her with the most convincing smile she could put on. “Maybe it’s the universe telling me to go for the rooftop unit I saw on the ads.”
•••
It turned out, it wasn’t.
The room she was pertaining to was no longer available for occupancy when she called the real estate office in Changjeon-dong. And Hyo Rin was still disappointed when she told Dal Rae about it the next day.
“And you were so confident that you’d get it,” Dal Rae shook her head in dismay as she spoke.
They were sitting in the common area of a jimjilbang that was two blocks away from where Dal Rae lived. It was a lazy Saturday morning; her husband was at home and agreed to look after the kids so she could take a break because apparently, she looked like she was one tantrum away from losing it.
“Good going, Hyo Rin-ah. Good going,” she mouthed at her soon-to-be-homeless friend. “Did it not occur to you to check first before declaring that you are moving out?”
“The ad was up last week,” Hyo Rin said—defensively.
“Still,” Dal Rae countered. “What’s so difficult about holding on for a few more days? It’s not as if he’s going to show up at your door every day.”
“Sure, it may not be the case now. But it’s bound to happen eventually—you know that, Dal Rae-ah,” Hyo Rin argued. “And why shouldn’t it? Ha Nee has the right to invite anyone to come over anytime because that’s her apartment too.”
Being reminded of that ushered in the feeling of despair again. So to deflect her attention from it, she decided to busy herself with the task of removing the shell of the hardboiled egg she bought from the counter earlier.
“Crossing paths with him is quite inevitable now that they are going steady,” she told Dal Rae. “One of us three has to budge at one point. And I suppose that it should be me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because I am the one who cannot find it in herself to forgive.”
Probably because she knew that it was true, Dal Rae could only sigh.
“After all this time, huh?” she asked.
Hyo Rin only nodded.
“Oh, I cannot blame you,” Dal Rae shrugged, then leaned back and braced herself on her elbows, stretching her limbs out before her. “It’s one thing to cheat. But for him to have the audacity to twist the story to redeem himself… Ugh! That guy is really something!”
He truly was. And to that, Hyo Rin couldn’t agree more.
“He told me that we should talk,” she muttered as she nibbled on the hardboiled egg.
At once, Dal Rae suspiciously regarded her from the corner of her eye and said, “Oh. Wow. And he’s—what—four… five years too late?”
“Give or take, yeah.”
“Is he finally going to own up to everything he did?”
“Beats me. Although I suppose that whatever he’s doing right now isn’t to make peace with me; it’s for him to have some form of closure—especially since I’m friends with Ha Nee.”
“Hah! He’s only playing nice now because he’s afraid that you might tell on him, of course.”
“That’s highly likely.”
“Typical Kang Ho Jun. Anyway, what did you say to him?”
Hyo Rin just blew air through her lips and stared up at the ceiling.
“I agreed. But I don’t intend for that to happen anytime soon,” she explained. “So if I wanted to hold off on keeping my word, then I guess I would have to find a new home.”
Dal Rae looked crestfallen as she pondered aloud, “It sucks though that it’s you who volunteered to make the biggest adjustment here.”
“Well… what’s a change in address compared to being coerced into being civil with him.”
“Oh, yeah. Come to think of it, it’s not impossible for you to cave into the pressure. You know, with you and your constant tendency to believe in the”—she lifted her fingers to use air quotes—“‘innate goodness’ of others.”
Hyo Rin groaned at her sarcasm and rolled her eyes.
“I’m serious! You’re such an easy target for those who like to take advantage of people,” Dal Rae insisted. “That’s what I worry most about you, Hyo Rin-ah.”
“You don’t have to be concerned. I’m not a kid.”
“To me, it always feels as if you are. You’re my eldest.”
“Me? Your eldest?” Hyo Rin huffed—appalled.
“Please,” Dal Rae dismissed her not-so-daunting wrath with a wave of a hand. “Why do you think I am hanging out with you on a weekend like this despite being married with two children and a bunch of chores waiting for me?”
“Uhhh—I assume that it’s because you’re getting weary of your housewife duties and needing an escape?”
Pouting, Dal Rae acquiesced, “That too.”
Hyo Rin grinned at being right—although her moment of pride was fleeting. And it was quickly replaced by another bout of helplessness because in reality, she knew that Dal Rae pointed out a truth she always ignored.
“I hate being a pushover,” she mumbled to herself as she curled up into a ball, hugging her knees.
It looked like Dal Rae was about to say something, then—on second thought—zipped her mouth shut.
“You’re not a pushover,” she clarified after some careful consideration. “You’re just… not confrontational, I guess.”
“A coward, you mean?” Hyo Rin said with a calculating side glance.
“Who escapes difficult situations every chance she gets? Yes,” Dal Rae answered. “Who avoids conflict to keep the peace—no matter how fragile it is—by all means? Yes.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No, it’s—yes. Yes, it is.”
Dal Rae winced as she said this.
“You are not planning to be on speaking terms with Kang Ho Jun again—I get that. But then, you are also hesitant to burn bridges with him because you don’t want to offend Yoon Ha Nee,” she elaborated. “And like you said a while ago, the fact that it’s pretty much non-negotiable for him to be within your radius for as long as he is dating your friend has registered in that brain of yours somehow.”
“Right.”
“So you solve it by running away.”
“No, I’m not—”
“Okay, okay. You’re taking yourself out of the picture,” Dal Rae spelled out for her calmly—like how she would have lectured her children. “Which makes everything convenient for everybody, except for yourself.”
Hyo Rin did not have a reply to that.
“Oh, come on—you’re bargaining for some semblance of harmony between the three of you at your expense!?” Dal Rae rambled on shortly afterwards, snapping out of her motherly character. “You could have obligated your friend to make some tough decisions too! Why is it you who has to leave the house, huh? Why can’t it be her—or the both of you? Why—for the love of all that’s holy—must it be you, Kwon Hyo Rin?”
“I… I thought”—Hyo Rin chewed on her cheek for a couple of seconds—“that I would like to spare us the drama. To be honest, I really don’t have the energy to go through the trouble of asking her what we should do, then wait for a response which would most likely turn out to be unfavorable to me.”
That did nothing to placate Dal Rae. She still appeared a little tense—frustrated at the circumstance and the person caught in it in equal measure. And frankly, after everything they have been through, Hyo Rin could not blame her for being overprotective because had it been the other way around, she would absolutely feel the same.
“Are you interested to hear my candid, unabridged insights on this, Hyo Rin-ah?” she heard Dal Rae ask, consequently interrupting her musings.
“By all means.”
“I was thinking that if she truly valued you as a friend, then you should have never had to bring up the idea of moving out first.”
“Well…”
“I’m just saying,” Dal Rae stated matter-of-factly before zipping her mouth with her fingers.
Out of words and out of alibis, Hyo Rin merely moved to rest her head on Dal Rae’s shoulder—a subtle gesture to tell her most trusted ally that she was resting her case too.
•••
An hour and two hardboiled eggs later, Hyo Rin walked out of the jimjilbang with Dal Rae who was already occupied with her phone, her fingers sweeping across the screen to compose a message.
When she was done, Hyo Rin probed, “Is that Hae Rim’s dad?”
“Yeah,” Dal Rae breathed out with disappointment as she stashed the device back in her bag. “He was asking me if I’m coming home soon.”
“Ah. Please thank him for allowing me to borrow you for a day.”
“You should steal me from him more often. To be honest, he’s barely spending time with the kids nowadays—and I am in need of random excuses to coerce him to babysit them.”
“That should be a piece of cake. Since I am about to go solo, I would likely be craving for your company more often.”
“You know where to reach me. But our affair shall remain as ‘strictly weekends only’, alright?”
Hyo Rin winked at her and said, “I’ll keep that in mind, jagiya.”
Dal Rae chuckled, then segued, “And now, what?”
Unfortunately, Hyo Rin did not have a solid answer to that until they arrived at the bus stop.
“And now, I have to finish packing,” she sighed before she proceeded to explain. “Actually, I started gathering my things right after I spoke with Ha Nee. I took a leave that day even if I was feeling better already, so I might as well be productive.”
“Oh.”
“And then, I’ll be leaving tomorrow morning—if my negotiation with the landlord I am meeting this afternoon goes well, that is.”
“Why? Is the unit overpriced?”
“Not really. It’s a little expensive considering that it’s an officetel near the city hall. But I’m trying my best to haggle over the price of the deposit—pull it down to around 80% since I don’t have the budget to lease a new apartment in the first place.”
“What if he declines?” Dal Rae asked. “Will you still be able to afford it?”
“I think so. I can take out some money from my savings, then return it once I receive the initial payment from my ghost-writing gig.”
“And your subsequent earnings should be enough to cover the rent, right?”
“Of course, it should,” Hyo Rin assured her with a half-hearted smile. “Yeah…”
Nonetheless, she wondered throughout the short ride home why the confirmation got stuck in her throat at that moment. It seemed odd to her—ominous, even. And it was only when headlines announcing Sonya Lee’s hiatus flooded the timeline of her personal social media account and a message from her sister Hyo Jung informing her that her mother was rushed to the hospital popped up on her inbox that evening did the lingering grim feeling in her gut make sense.
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