Ginger sits beside him, comfortably licking his paw before resting her head on her hands while lying flat on her stomach. Even Ginger already looks sleepy to keep her head straight.
“Me too. I wanted to believe that too. Everything that people describe falling in love in a cliché romance book. But I can’t figure out how it feels. I don’t know if I love her or if it is just a familiar feeling as a result of being together for such a long time. She made a lot of mistakes, maybe me either, but I can’t remember, really. I always forgave her because– because strangely, it didn’t feel hurt as it should be. Am I already feeling numb? Or I never loved her in the first place?”
Ginger let out a soft meow beside him as she understands. Jaime knows it rhetorical question, even if it’s not, he doesn’t know how to answer it so he asks instead, “Why you didn’t break up with her sooner?” Jaime wasn’t expecting it’ll sound harsher than he means to, he doesn’t regret that tho. The question he wanted to ask for such a long time.
Skylar turns his head to look at Jaime, he seems a bit bewildered by Jaime’s tone but he immediately tries to cover it even if he sucks at that “I– I dunno, I guess because none of us wanted to take the responsibility you know? Take the bad cop role, the villain. We kept passing over the weight to each other because nobody wanted to bear it too long. None of us wanted to become the antagonist in this story. We played to this mess game for a long time to the point we sicked to each other”
Ginger climbs to Jaime’s lap, and nuzzles his thigh, seeking warmth. “Like a seesaw?” Jaime asks.
There’s a little bitter smile on the corner of Skylar’s lips “Yeah like a seesaw”.
Jaime bottoms up his beer “Then why did you look like shit that day? Did you actually sad breaking up with her?”
Skylar chuckles dryly. He knows Jaime referring to the day they had fought at the studio. “I thought about that a lot, maybe because I felt guilty?” it sounds more like a statement rather than a question.
Ginger already falls asleep on his lap, he carefully lifts her and put her between him and Skylar. Jaime lies carefully beside Ginger, he feels tired “Guilty?”.
Skylar takes a sharp breath “Her parents hate me because I'm a musician aspiring, so Stella learns to do the same in favour to get a blessing from her parent. I was aware she was always trying to make me choose between her or the band and she always managed to guilt-tripped me if I choose my band over her, I was aware but I can’t help because once again I don’t want to become the bad one in our relationship”
“Someone who makes us choose between them and our dream is the worst,” Jaime comments, trying to resist the urge to close his eyes. He remembers how his parent forced him to enrol on the boarding school and gave up his singing scholarship after countless awful fights, Jaime decided to let go of both. He was accepting the scholarship for a philosophy major, in the hope, that he wouldn’t feel too guilty to his parent.
Skylar hums “That night I cried because I feel guilty for the other members. I felt like I disappointed them, I jeopardise my dream for something stupid. I wish I can turn back time, Shit – I was so fucking dumbass”
Jaime closes his eyes, he can’t fully understand what Skylar said but he can hear his shaky voice makes Jaime’s heart clench unpleasantly. Jaime doesn’t know what possesses him but the drowsiness and his tipsy ass make his lips lose “She doesn't fucking deserve you, you deserve someone who holds your hand and makes your skin burn in every single touch, You deserve someone who drowns into your eyes so he can understand your passion and your love for your music, someone who’ll search you even if you’re lost in a different universe, someone who’ll bring you to somewhere with two moons” Jaime isn’t sure if talk deliriously or he just dreaming but he can feel something warm squeezes his hand.” You deserve so much, so much” hopefully it didn’t say it too loud to make him look obviously fall in love with him.
Jaime is not hypocritical enough to deny that the ‘someone’ he mentioned is himself. He can do so much more for Skylar because he deserves that.
Skylar turns his head so he can stare at Jaime’s profile. The younger closes his eyes, but Skylar knows he doesn’t fall asleep yet from his pupils still shaking under his eyelids. Skylar examines Jaime’s delicate face and his honey skin. His naturally rosy cheeks when he’s drunk, his plump cherry lips. He’s the most pretty thing that ever laid in his eyes. Maybe that’s the reason why he approached him that night at the party. The damn egg is just an excuse. Skylar can’t believe he’s so childish sometimes.
“ I think recently I finally know how to fall in love feel like”
“s’ that so?” Jaime slurs drowsily.
“We still pretend we’re in another universe, right?” Skylar asks in a low rumble.
Jaime hums “yeah”,
“Good, because I need to confirm something” Skylar leans in closer to Jaime’s face.