“I’ve changed my mind,” said Azui standing outside their previously shared cabin the next morning. “Mostly though, I left the rest of my belongings here.”
“Oh- Right, of course.” Nero said, stepping back, allowing the young gentleman entrance.
Azui closed the door behind him, standing there and mulling something over prior to speaking up again. “I apologize for leaving after what you said. I know it was not easy.”
“I do not blame you, Azui.”
“Zui.” He corrected with a half smile. “Regardless, you have likely picked up on the fact that in most cases I do as I please. Some may call this a fault.”
“I don’t see it that way, although I see how some could.”
“Yes, well because of this I tend to throw a sort of tantrum when I can’t do what I want, or take interest in the things I’m interested in.” His gaze focused on Nero. “And if what you say is true, that my interest is mutual, I believe we should be allowed to entertain it. If you’re comfortable with it, that is.”
Azui was using a lot of flowery language and Nero almost wished that he would state his intentions outright, despite understanding that in doing so Azui was protecting himself. Nero nodded.
“And I would like to kiss you,” he said outright. “Only with your permission naturally.”
The finder had a good handle on his nerves up until this point. His response was lagged and flustered, “N-now?
“No,” his tone was a pondering one. “At some point during this trip. The day and a half we have left. Sorry, was that too much? I’ve just never kissed another man. Solely thought about it.”
“You may find this hard to believe, but I’ve also never kissed a man,” Nero commented flatly, which resulted in a near snort from the musician.
He stifled his laugh into his arm, embarrassed. “I apologize, that was a dumb thing to say. Anyway, would you like to go get breakfast with me?”
“I very much would.”
“You’re quite good at this instrument, is there a particular reason you prefer the mandolin?” asked Nero, in a way stalling.
Azui was attempting to teach him the melody from the player piano roll and Nero was struggling to put it together. It was safe to say that music was not a natural talent of his.
They sat alone in the performance hall of the boat, sharing the piano bench, Nero on the left and Azui on the right.
“You know the pianoforte is wonderful in the way that you can play all the parts of an orchestra on it. Equally, it is daunting because you can play all the parts of an orchestra on it.” He grinned and played a scale. “I’m good enough at it to be impressive but not good enough to be considered professional. Not to mention the texture of a mandolin is far warmer.”
His glancing briefly at Nero reminded him of what Zui had said that morning. That he wanted to kiss Nero.
Momentarily though, he wondered if it would be ok for Nero to kiss him.
He did know for certain that it was not something we wanted to second guess. So he kissed him, a short and cautious kiss.
Azui’s hands flinched away from the keys, and he looked at Nero with a startled expression that gradually shifted into one of determination. He returned the gesture with a kiss of his own, one more deliberate and warmer, like the texture of the mandolin.
Zui was friendly by nature, so Nero couldn’t come up with a way to describe his shift in behavior towards the finder. He didn’t become friendlier. And it’s not like he was ever uncomfortable with Nero to say that the shift was related to his level of comfort with him.
He did as he pleased, before and after Nero, so that wasn’t a change.
He’d always looked at Nero with respect, as if he was the most interesting person in the world. And he continued to look at him that way, and yet… this new gaze was thawing.
Nero found it easier to say his thoughts aloud, even when it was irrelevant commentary on their surroundings or what they were doing.
His questions now were less related to his work and more about Azui’s opinions and stories themselves.
The SS Gallarita docked on the edge of Gaidos, marking the end of their voyage. And while winter was in full swing, the sun was out and radiating. The area hardly ever saw a real winter, not like in Zapide, their nation’s capital.
They arrived earlier than scheduled, leaving them to wander up the dock and among the various market stalls until Azui’s driver picked them up. The area was livelier than when they left, but Nero did not think much of it.
He stepped away to post a letter to his client and notify him he was back in Gaidos. When he returned to where he left Azui, the musician was flipping through a newspaper.
“Ner, did you see this?” he asked.
“What is it?” Nero walked up next to him, to look at what he was referring to.
“She actually did it. She married Valkom.”
Lady Liorit Saëns weds His Highness Prince Valkom Arte Mios in a Private Ceremony, said the headline. A daunting title in all capitals.
“What’s wrong?” Nero asked, sensing Zui’s unease.
He folded the paper up, “I don’t know, you don’t find it disappointing? We were so recently commending her for her bravery. Praising her for not being afraid to be herself. This feels like her conceding.”
“I agree it’s disheartening… but if we’re to be realistic, I understand why she would marry Valkom. If she is fighting her nature, perhaps that is a sign that we should all do the same.”
This seemed to upset him further. “Don’t say that. Reality is what we choose to make it.”
“That’s just not true for everyone.” Nero’s expression softened, “We both agree that you are allotted luxuries because of who you are. And honestly, that is great. I’m happy that you are safe from an often unforgiving world. If marrying Valkom is what is protecting Lady Liorit from the wrath of society, who are we to judge her for it when we’ve spent our entire lives hiding from that same wrath?”
Azui’s frown wavered, focusing on the floor beneath them, he hesitated. “I-I am… you’re right.” His voice broke, “S-sorry.” He took his things and rushed past Nero. Who in a perfect world would follow him and comfort him.
But in their current world, it meant speaking empty promises he did not have the heart to give. Standing alone on the dock he felt the cool air wrap around him. He was back in Gaidos and the warmth was gone.
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