My computer died. The only good news about that is I had backed up almost all of my writing on an external hard drive. The worst news is that some of my writing was NOT backed up on an external hard drive. 

I'm an idiot for that, really. I have been having issues with my computer for a while, so I knew to back up everything as soon as I wrote new material. I was on Chapter 5 of Evie's story and had done a massive amount of outlining and planning to combine her story with Garson's for Part 2. Not once in the last week of doing all of this did I save to the external hard drive. 

I don't know what I was thinking.  When I posted yesterday morning in this Garden blog about posting a teaser today, I closed it out and thought to myself, "I'll need to back up all this before I do anything else." Then ... I got distracted. I left my computer and forgot what I had been planning. I did some cleaning and helped my daughter prepare for her trip. 

While sitting in another room, I saw the electricity flicker. 

It's a common thing in this house and in this town because the power company here hasn't maintained their lines in decades. It could be a bright blue sky, not a cloud or any hint of rain, and the power will go out. Pair that with the wiring in this house we rent, which oddly seems even older than the house itself, and it's a continuous disaster waiting to happen. 

As soon as I saw the flicker, I thought of my computer. Every time it happens, my computer shuts down. It's a temperamental little brat, but I guess that can be expected considering its age. Mid-2010 iMac. Yep, you read that right. 12 years old and only one issue in all that time - adding extra storage. For several months now, I've been struggling to get it to come on after it's been shut down. That's why I've been extra careful with backing up everything externally. Until this last week. 

I tried not to think about it and continued helping my daughter. When I found a moment to take a break, I tried turning on my computer and it wouldn't. I had a complete meltdown. 

My first fear was that what happened to it affected my external hard drive that is always connected to it. Thankfully, it's safe. 

My second fear is that the motherboard is dead. The repair shop said they could recover my files unless it's the motherboard. 

Yes, I have a lot more than my writing that I don't want to lose, but the most important photos I have are, also, on an external hard drive. All that matters is the writing I had on my computer over the last week. I am terrified right now that I've lost it. 

I know what you're thinking: "It's okay. You wrote it once. You can write it again." Unless you're a writer, you can't understand how impossible that is for many of us.

In part, I can rewrite what I had written. I will never get back the original thoughts and where my mind naturally took me as I wrote. It's an intricate process, and for me, once I get it out of my head, it's generally gone. 

My mind isn't as strong as it used to be. It isn't only age. I've been through enough in my life that my brain/memory just doesn't always function correctly. It's difficult to retain short-term memories, sometimes impossible. I'm, also, really upset and stressing over this so much, I can't think straight enough to remember all I had organized. 

One good thing is that my daughter, also, has an iMac. It is a few years younger than mine. I was able to connect my external hard drive to it to check on the files that were saved. While she is gone for her concert, she is letting me use her computer to write. I can't bring myself to working on Evie's story right now, to be honest. It's all hit me so hard, especially doubled with my concern for her being away on her first trip.

My daughter suggested I use my Ko-Fi account to get money for a refurbished computer. I'm considering that, although my goal of her tuition money is more important to me. I've never asked for help for anything, and I've certainly never asked for money. I have the link on my profile. I won't come out and ask for help, but if you would like to, I would really appreciate it. 

For the time being, I'm just going to try to calm my nerves so I can write. I really wanted something for my readers of "A Moon For The Mountain" today, but I want it done correctly. I don't think they would mind waiting another week for a second teaser, right? 

Honestly, though, when I was considering what I would use for today's teaser, I wondered if any of it would be too much of a spoiler for chapters that haven't been released yet for Part 1. I think waiting until Part 1 is farther along is best. Teasers don't have to be often. 

I guess that's it for now. I will update my readers with the progress of my computer issues and my writing schedule when I know more. In the meantime, please contintue to enjoy the novels you're reading and consider subscribing to my others, as well. 💜💜💜