The cold night breeze welcomed my face as I look at the dark scenery in front of me. At daytime, the place is full of lush trees and a river. But that’s not important anymore. I looked down to see the calm river where you’ll see the reflection of the full moon shining brightly in the night sky. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I wipe the tear that fell down from my eye. I wonder if the water is cold today. Kaia, will it matter if the water is cold or warm? You only need to jump and that’s all. The fate is just the same. But at least, you’ll die feeling the warmth of it for the last time right? Sounds like a good death.

“Fuck.”

I slightly chuckled as I wipe another tear on my cheek. I am here trying to end my life but why am I still arguing with myself on whether the water on the river is cold or warm?

Life is messed up. Why am I even here when I didn’t asked to be here in the first place? Why would my mother bring me in this world when she herself abandoned her own child for another man and now, growing up, I’m left alone facing the obstacles I didn’t signed up for. Yeah sure, I have a father but he’s already a mess. Ever since my mom left us, he became nothing but a drunk man.  What a joke.

I clenched my fists as I feel my blood going up on my neck.

These adults. They do something stupid and if they can’t take the responsibility, they’ll throw their problem away easily as if it’s like throwing a garbage in a trash can.

Even if I die here, no one will care. I bet my father will be relieved he doesn’t have an excess baggage in his life anymore.

I fixed the school uniform I’m wearing since this morning before going into the concrete guardrail of the bridge. Luckily, people barely pass by in this area so they won’t see me. Plus, it’s really dark here. The streetlight is like several meters away from where I am.

Cold wind once again enveloped me. I looked down and I can see how high it is. Cold sweats started to form on my forehead and I closed my eyes to appreciate the silence for the last time. Hearing the flow of the water, the insects, I wish life is just simple. But it’s not. I’m not happy.

“Can I join you jump? Is it high?”

 A voice from a man behind got me startled.

Someone is here?! As far as I know, the possibility of people passing by here is less than 5%!

I got caught?!

 I was about to turn around to look at the man but I stepped wrongly and slipped.

Oh damn. What a way to die.

I tightly closed my eyes as I feel myself falling but opened it when I realized that someone is tightly holding my arm.

His grip is no joke!

Squinting my eyes, I tried to look closely at the person holding me however, I fail on guessing who he is since he’s against the light of the moon.

“Will the water be cold or warm?” he asked then looked at the river below us before putting his attention to me. Waiting for my response.

I just stared at him because I can’t form any word at the moment because of shock.

“I bet our skulls will automatically break once we fall.” The man stated with a little hint of amusement in his voice.

I don’t know if he’s amused with the situation we are in or what. Is he a psychopath? But if he is one, he should’ve let go of my hand already or worse, he already let me fall when I slipped earlier.

“So, about my question earlier, can I jump with you?”

Why is he asking for my permission? If he wants to jump then he can do it.

“If you want to jump, then go ahead. I’m not stopping you.” I simply replied.

The man chuckled.

Affirmative. He is a psychopath.

“Oh, okay okay. Should I let go of you now? So I can jump?”

I felt his arm started to shake a little while holding me tightly.

For the nth time, I stared at him then looked below where one yes from me, everything will end. No more problems, no more pain.

But if I decided to say no, will everything change?

If I go home, is my father already sober?

Is he….. even worried about me?

Why am I torn all of a sudden?

The man’s arm is shaking more now. I’m sure he’s already tired holding me. How long am I hanging here?

Another minute of deafening silence passed where the man just stared at me and is waiting for my response.

I looked below again and looked back at him for a moment before I hold on to his arm.

I sighed.

“Lift me up.” I muttered.

I heard him sigh before chuckling a little.

“What’s with the sudden change of decision?” he said with a playful but relieved tone while lifting me up.

Wow. He’s actually strong because how did he managed to lift me up so easily despite holding me for so long while hanging?

Or maybe not….

Because when he finally lifted me up I think he tripped backwards causing us to both fall on the cemented floor of the bridge.

 I saw him staring at me. His dark eyes and face is visible because of the moon above.

I quickly got up and checked if I have scratches.

“I’ll do it another time. You just disturbed me.” I shrugged and fixed my skirt.

The man is still lying on the floor, not saying anything.

“You’re not gonna get up?”

I asked, still looking at him.

“The stars are beautiful. Even the moon.” I watched him raise his hand like he’s catching the stars.

I look up into the sky and noticed that there are more stars now. Even the clouds slightly covering the moon earlier are gone.

“If you’re not going to get up, I’m leaving.”

I started walking without looking back. I don’t care if he decides to jump off that bridge or not. It’s not my concern anymore. I’m pissed. He just interrupted me.

Maybe next time…

I can die in peace…. without anyone knowing.