Alex looked at the little thumbs-up emoji for a full minute before putting it down and starting his car. He took a deep breath in through his nose. Gabriel Cooper’s lingering scent washed over him.  Faintly sweet, wholesome, light, round, fresh... and just a touch floral? Another deep inhale. What was that note?  Vanilla?  He inhaled again and could see little yellow flowers in his mind. Sweet clover? Yeah, that was it.  It reminded him of the field full of sweet clover where he used to play while Anastasia was having her riding lessons. 

He picked up his phone and looked at the text conversation again.  And then he turned off the car.  He probably shouldn’t drive right now.  Gabriel’s scent had been pure pleasure when Gabriel was next to him, when Alex could see him, when he could hear his breaths and the sound of his voice. In his absence, Alex realized, the scent came at a cost. It was a heady reassurance that Gabriel existed, somewhere, but it was a painful reminder of the absence of its source.

This was insane. He was insane. He got out of the car and closed the door quickly, not wanting to let too much fresh air in.  The scent inside that car had to last him for a while. How soon could he reasonably arrange to see Gabriel again?  Was tomorrow too soon?  Should he zero out his coffee-debt so quickly?  What if he needed it more later?  That cup of coffee he owed Gabriel was his prized possession right now. Accepting that cup of coffee had been a strategic coup.  

He looked up at the apartment building.  There were lights on in several windows.  Probably one of them was Gabriel’s.  He pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked at it yet again. “...I made it in.”  He put the phone away. He’d walk around the block a couple of times. Make sure the neighborhood was safe. That way he’d be nearby if Gabriel needed anything– do you hear yourself?– but he wouldn’t be a stalker who was hanging around someone’s apartment building wondering which window was his.  He wouldn’t be a respectful, trustworthy, always-professional person who helped someone reclaim their freedom, and then, four years later, in one stroke, started trying to figure out how to take it back.  He walked faster. 

As he covered some distance, the fresh air took the edge off his need to have Gabriel in front of him again. Now it was just a hot ache behind his sternum and not a searing brand. He circled the block and saw nothing alarming.  He expanded his range.  He scanned each alley and cross street he passed.  No one hanging around. No sign of trouble. He saw an empty police car parked outside another apartment building nearby, in a reserved spot. Was something wrong? He put his hand on the hood. Cool to the touch. It had been parked for a while, then. Police officer probably lives here, then. Nice and close. That’s excellent.  

Alex turned a corner and walked in long strides down the sidewalk. He was three blocks away from the apartment building now, walking in a larger circle, but that circle still had Gabriel at its center.  He continued scanning for some unnamed, nonspecific danger. He had no idea how to do what he was doing.  He had no idea how not to do what he was doing.  He knew only two things, the new bedrock for his entire worldview, and that was that Gabriel Cooper was his mate, and that if there was a shred of decency in him, he would not do anything about it.

Alex tugged at the neck of his sweater. The evening was cool, but he was sweating from nerves and exertion.  He hoped he had hidden this surge of protective energy from Gabriel.  Self-control was one of his core values, and he had had a great deal of practice projecting calm, neutral energy when he was feeling anything but calm or neutral. It was essential when you worked with traumatized people under highly emotional circumstances, but tonight had tested his limits from the second he had gotten close enough to scent Gabriel Cooper.  

Or was it even before then?  Had it already been over when the lights had come up and Alex had seen Gabriel at the other end of the meeting room and had started walking towards him, even before he had thought up a good, HIPAA-friendly way to speak with him?  He had definitely considered that Gabriel might not remember him or might find the memory of him to be painful, and Alex had decided earlier in the afternoon when he had looked at the meeting agenda that it would be better to wait to be approached by him. In defiance of the rational and considerate approach he had decided on, however, Alex had started walking towards Gabriel the instant he could.

When he'd seen Gabriel Cooper's name on the agenda, his feelings about seeing him again had been normal and appropriate.  He heard Gabriel’s name at a previous board meeting as they were reviewing candidates for the legal outreach job.  Alex had waited through the discussion of his resumé:  Gabriel Cooper, master’s from Loyola, the dates lined up, law degree from Berkeley…had to be the same person. Alex remembered him, of course, as a case that had been tough on him, that had stuck with him. That Gabriel had been badly shaken but was strong. That the outcome had been excellent.  That they’d sent a referral to an office in Berkeley at some point so he could complete his suppressant therapy there.

Alex had been genuinely happy to see how well Gabriel had been doing for the past four years. He’d been impressed by his accomplishments, not that he had any vote on who the board would hire–he’d just been there to give a monthly progress report for the clinic.  He’d been excited that the Foundation was in the final stages of getting the legal fund off the ground, and excited about what that would mean for his patients and all Omegan Rights supporters. He’d even mentioned hearing Gabriel’s name to Teneisha the next day and she’d been equally thrilled to hear that he was doing well. They’d agreed they were both pulling for him to get the job. There was nothing wrong in any of that, he was fairly certain.