“Sooo,” Sterling drew the word out as he looked at me, “Mom says she forgave you and all.”
I nodded in agreement. “She was kind enough to do so. I…was young and stupid and – ”
He interrupted me with a wave of his hand. “Look, you don’t have to convince me. Obviously you made a mistake, but hey, I met Milo. Listening to him talk about you, it’s pretty clear you’re not the same person you were back then. And it’s Mom’s call on whether she forgives you, and if she does, well, that’s fine and all.” He linked his hands together and looked at me with intensity. “I’m here to ask you what your intentions are with my mother.”
Apparently my expression amused him, because he burst out laughing.
“I kid, I kid! No, I just had to say that once, but it is kind of about that. See,” his expression turned a little more serious, “Mom admitted you were her first love, and she said you wanted to be friends again. Meanwhile, Milo told me you view her as ‘the one who got away,’ so I guess I wondered if you did plan to try and kindle a romance with Mom.”
I’d never anticipated having this conversation with anyone, but might as well set the record straight. “Gwen will always be the standard against which I judge any potential partners, and so far none have come close. I do think we are likely soulmates, but no,” I admitted, “I did not plan to pursue something with her.”
Sterling considered this. “How come?”
“I gave up any right to consider that the day I broke her heart,” I answered honestly. “I don’t think at this point it would be fair of me to try to kindle something where I scarred her so badly.”
He twirled a piece of hair between his fingers thoughtfully. “You know how my grandma died?”
Confused at the topic change, I furrowed my brows. “Jane? No, I…do not.”
“Mom probably told you, but we have to be super careful about keeping our identity a secret. From humans and supernaturals alike.” Sterling looked up at the sky, sighing a bit. “Apparently too many people think our blood or bone dust or something can cure any illness or give them immortality or whatever the particular nonsense remedy claims. Point is, that’s why we disappeared, but it’s also why we can’t reappear. People still kill us. It’s not like we die easily.” He shrugged a little. “We survive almost anything, honestly – but to kill us, people basically have to put us through intense, severe trauma that we can’t survive. Aka start ripping out enough of our bones or organs, draining our blood, all of that – enough that even we can’t survive.”
I frowned. I was aware that unicorns didn’t die easily, but that sounded horrific.
“I’ve heard it described as basically the only way to kill one of us is to torture us to death. Too much all at once, and even our healing abilities won’t survive. And we don’t usually fight it.” He dropped his eyes to stare at me. “We’re meant to be creatures of peace, helping others. We can fight, but usually we help others, we don’t involve ourselves. And if personally attacked, we rarely defend ourselves, because to us, it’s kind of pointless – who’s to say our life is more valuable than theirs? Whatever it is, we’re not really good with the whole defending ourselves thing.”
Gwen had mentioned something to that effect yesterday, so it didn’t surprise me.
“Which is why it’s so important that we keep our identity a secret. Because for many of us, that’s the only protection we have against being killed.”
“My people can make promises laced with magic,” I informed him, hoping to allay his concerns. “I made one to your mother that I would not reveal what she is.”
He waved me off again. “Yeah, yeah, not worried about that. I’m just trying to explain why it’s such a big deal to us in general. And, well, to Mom in particular. See, Grandma apparently was really keen on the whole secret part of it. She drilled it into Mom and Uncle Percy because she’d seen people die from telling the wrong person. But…around the time Mom went off to college, Grandma decided to trust someone. Someone she’d been friends with for years, someone she thought she could trust. It’s part of our abilities, knowing if we can trust someone or not, but sometimes it’s harder for some of us to read that accurately, and then people can change.” He frowned to himself.
“The lady, though – turns out Grandma’s friend was so shocked, she mentioned it to someone else that night, a friend she thought she could trust, just trying to get help working through the shock of learning her best friend wasn’t human and was a disappeared race. The lady she told, though, well, she wasn’t so trustworthy. She was deep in debt and to her, hearing about Grandma meant a sudden cash flow.”
I balled my hands into fists under the table. “That’s all she thought about Jane? I didn’t meet her many times, but she seemed kind and all the neighborhood kids seemed fond of her – she would make them cookies and help them with homework and stuff.”
Sterling’s expression softened a bit. “Mom didn’t mention that, she doesn’t like to talk about Grandma much, but yeah. This other lady knew Grandma, but still, all she could see was the money and so she reached out to someone she knew and they – well, they did what people do to kill us. Harvested what they could for stupid remedies that don’t work.” He glared at nothing in particular, then his expression faded into regret. “Mom – Mom was the one who found her.”
That would have been awful, to find your own mother like that.
Sterling nodded in agreement at my expression. “Yeah, well, you can imagine the effect that had on Mom. Kinda traumatizing, but leaving aside all of that, it sort of cemented her view that she should never ever tell anyone unless she could absolutely trust them. And even then, well, there was the risk that they would tell someone else. It was a huge deal when she told Dad, from what I gather, and even then she didn’t tell him until they’d been together for several years and he was wanting to get engaged. Uncle Percy said she was really worked up about it and stressing out about it for months before she finally told him. Part of his response was a promise that he would never tell anyone without her express permission. Ever. Even about me, after I was born.”
Sterling sighed and slouched back in his chair. “So, for over 80 years, the only people who knew about Mom were her parents, until they died; Uncle Percy; Dad; and me. That’s it. She never wanted to tell anyone else because she’s afraid. So afraid that she actually overcame her unicorn instincts once – last year, when my cousin first came? He could see what I was, and when Mom realized that, she attacked him. In full form. In the middle of the street. She let her fear take over and did something careless because for a moment all she saw was a threat to me, someone who knew but shouldn’t. All that’s kind of beside the point,” he added, “just…I brought it up because it made me realize just how scared Mom was. About both of us.”
Knowing the Gwen I had known as a teen, my heart hurt for her that she always had to live in fear of being discovered. That was awful.
“But then, things started to change.” Sterling started tracing circles on the table. “Suddenly, there was this new person who knew – my cousin – along with the fairies he brought with him – his then boyfriend and his sister. And they needed our help with something, they needed unicorn magic specifically to deal with this dark magic thing – long story, that’s not the point. The point is, we went to help, and for the first time we were surrounded by supernaturals who knew what we were but they went out of their way to protect us and make sure the minimum people possible were aware of us. Everyone who knew was someone my cousin trusted or his father-in-law, at least. And for the first time,” he said slowly, “Mom and I got to be accepted as part of a group of supernaturals. For me, that was the first time anyone other than my parents or uncle knew what I was. But not only were they okay with it, they were considerate of our worries and helped protect us. And then we got to actually use magic – big magic, something we haven’t ever done before because, well, we’re always hiding. And we got to really help people – save a bunch of lives, all that nonsense. Mom was worried afterwards that so many people knew now and things might turn out poorly, but Riven trusts them, and his instincts are actually better than Mom’s and mine, so…it worked out.”
Sterling started fiddling with his hair again. “You know I mentioned I’m dating Alex? She’s an oceanid. Her oceanid parent was good friends with Dad. Dad trusted them, he wanted to tell them, but Mom didn’t – and they argued about it for years. After Dad died, they’re the one who protected us.” He tapped his chest, where an oceanid’s protection mark was visible. “Mom thought about telling them then, but was still scared. I talked her into it a few months back because I wanted to date Alex and wanted Alex to know – and Alex’s whole family, to be honest. I didn’t think it’d be fair to ask Alex to hide what I am if we got married someday or if we had kids and one of them turned out to be like me. So Mom did, and it went great. More people who know what we are, and honestly it’s nice. We don’t have to hide with them, we can just be ourselves with them. Really ourselves, not just the image of us as humans but hiding this big secret.”
He finally brought his eyes back to mine. “The reason I’m telling you all of this is because you’re the first person other than Dad who Mom told of her own accord. Sure, there’s the whole part about you seeing her and recognizing the age discrepancy, but she could have come up with an excuse – she chose not to. She chose to tell you the truth instead. That tells me a couple of things – it tells me Mom is getting better about being willing to trust people, but also that you’re important to her. Because she didn’t hide it.”
While I did appreciate learning all of this, I wasn’t entirely sure what the point of it was. “I am honored that she’s willing to trust me,” I began.
Sterling immediately interrupted. “But you still don’t want to try to date her.”
My brows furrowed in confusion. “I – I’m sorry, I’m not sure how the conversation led back to that? Also, are you trying to talk me into that? That seems…odd. Shouldn’t you be more concerned about your mom getting involved with someone else after your dad?”
“Eh, I’m not that selfish. I know I won’t be with Mom forever – if Alex and I get married someday, then Mom’s going to be alone. She’ll still have me and Uncle Percy around but I want her to have someone of her own again, too.” He rested his chin on his palm and openly observed me. “Mom likes you, at least somewhat, and if you’re soulmates, and you still have feelings for her, then I don’t see why you shouldn’t try, at least. Yeah, so you made a mistake as a kid. Mom forgave you for that. That said, because of what happened back then, I strongly doubt Mom would ever ask you out again, so if you ever want a shot with her? It’ll have to be you who asks her. Just be forewarned – it’s not going to be an easy thing. It’ll likely take years before Mom trusts you fully, so if you decide to try to date her,” he gave me a very stern look, “you need to be committed. Realize it’s a long-term thing. I know, I know – it sounds crazy to tell you that you have to be serious before you enter the relationship, but that’s the deal with Mom.”
I opened my mouth, then shut it again. I didn’t know how to answer that.
“You still like Mom?” He asked, softer this time.
I paused, then nodded, swallowing hard. “I’ve thought of her almost every day since then. I can’t begin to describe how much I regret what I said. I knew better – I knew a human lifetime with someone like her would be worth the pain of losing her, I just was afraid of the loss. It still would have been worth it, though.”
“Well, I can’t tell you what you should do, but if it was me?” He stood to his feet. “You’ve gotten a second chance at your first love, something not everyone gets. You’ve never forgotten her all these years. You really think you’re going to just be able to be friends? Just think about it,” he told me. “I’m not saying you have to or anything, but don’t let the mistakes of your past make you make new mistakes today.”
Then he left, whistling as he walked off, but leaving me behind in confusion.
Eventually I got to my feet and wandered back to my own hotel, flopping down on my bed to stare at the ceiling.
Milo paused the game he was playing and looked over at me, concerned. “You okay? You seem out of it.”
“Sterling came by and basically tried to talk me into dating Gwen.” I twisted my head to look at him. “Not exactly what I would have expected him to do, to be honest. I thought most kids don’t like it when their single parent thinks of dating again.”
Milo just shrugged. “Hey, I wouldn’t care if you date, but mostly that’s because I know you haven’t. So it’s not like I’d be feeling the competition or whatever. So, what are you going to do? Ask her out?”
I sighed. “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “There’s a part of me that really wants to, but I figured I didn’t have the right to after what I did when we were kids. But now, I’m not sure.” Then I looked at my phone, frowning a bit. “Although, I really don’t know why I’m even considering it – despite what Sterling says, I don’t think Gwen really even wants to be friends anymore, let alone anything more. She hasn’t turned me down, but she barely has talked to me since.”
“Well, we have two more days here,” Milo pointed out. “You could at least try that long to be friends, and if by then it seems clear she’s not interested, it’s an easy break. If she is, well, just see where it goes. Maybe she’ll be okay with having three extra kids out of the blue.”
Right, if I dated anyone, that equation now involved Jace, Elyse, and Milo.
But before I could even think about dating, I had to at least get to the step of being friends again. If she’d let me.
This was going to be a tough couple of days.
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