A little history lesson for those who were not listening to their teachers during class. During the time of colonization i think the 1900s don’t quote I only took history because I had a degree requirement, but during that time when they thought that African colonies were up for grabs like a piece of cakes you could just grab at will there were different countries racing for African nations. To cut the gruesome details out, because of assimilation my mother later learned french and she moved to the great and beautiful Nice for school where she married another African. So those two lovebirds thought it would be just a beautiful idea to get children and move them to a multicultural and diverse country in a land of opportunities. I unfortunately I was a product of that decision. Therefore, my sister and I became first generation immigrants and you would not believe what pain and punishment that comes with having to constantly have to keep up with a balancing  of where you grew up and the culture that your parents bring you up with all while  trying to find yourself in an ever confusing, ever changing world. 

I sat at the middle of my parents as I ate my penne pasta as they were  eating their, beef stew with rice. Raquelle and I were doing a vegan challenge at the time and I was not going to let her beat me. All eyes were on me per usual were on me and I tried my best to avoid any possible form of eye contact. I looked up to my parents when I could feel their gazes getting heavier and heavier and to some point I swear to God I got a headache just from their eyes on me. 

“How were your exams?”

“My exams?”

“yes you know the ones you do at the end of each semester.” My sister chimed in.  

“Oh those ones I swear the last time they were in the start, middle and sometimes outside  of the semester.” I fired back

I looked at my parents and I could feel they didn’t get my statement. Read the room Lucy I couched myself. I coughed once and looked at them hoping that they would at least relax their looks just for one second.

“Well, I for one think I passed the exam with flying colors as always.”I said with confidence.

“Are you sure?”My mother said her mood changing suddenly to happiness. 

“But i was thinking of doing some classes during the summer just to like repeat and really internalize the knowledge.”

“You want to what?” My father barked.

“Internalize the knowledge.”I said almost choking on my pasta in fear. 

“Lucy, we are not paying for a class you already took.”

“Oh yeah of course…..but its really important.”

I looked at my sister and her head was down, I could tell she already knew what I was saying.

“Lucy, we are not paying for a class you already did, plus didn’t you already get credits for that class, your tuition is very high and we can’t have you paying for course again, can’t you just check the website you like using for school if you want to go through the topic again.”

“YouTube?”

“yes that YouTube class it has very nice teachers on there.”

“But……..”

“Or is there something you mean to tell us.”She asked, I couldn’t tell if she already knew and she was trying to force it out of me or I was just being paranoid. 

“Of course not.”I said taking bite of my pasta and staring at them confidently as the words burned my throat. 

“Good girl.”My dad said nodding in approval. 

“You should have just told them.”

“I’ll just do it without them knowing, I can always forge a transcript right and then I do it over the summer and then I can you know make up for it, they will never know.”

“C’mon Lucy, you don’t have to hide it from them just tell them the truth.”

I turn my head back and look at my sister and let a moment of silence pass. 

“they will kill me.”

“I know.” She said walking out without a solution.

“Are you going to Janelle’s house?”

“Of course ,I’m not going to be roped up in your messy life sis, just tell them, the longer you wait the longer its going to hurt you.”

“oh wow did you get that lesson from a YouTube movie.”

“Just trying to help you out and yes I got the quote Disney movie because some of them low key slap alright.”

They do. 

“Okay then, tell Janelle I said hi.”

“She doesn’t like you.”She said walking out. 

I turn on my bed and look at my phone. Telling them I failed a class was not the problem there, it was the reason that I failed that felt held me back.