It’s been a few days since I talked to Lennon.

I’m staying at Sebastian’s apartment tonight.

Lennon’s here too. But since I got here a little while ago he’s been avoiding me.

I’m sort of sitting in Sebastian’s lap, leaning against his chest as we both read a book together. It has two points of view. So when it’s one character’s point of view Sebastian reads it and when it’s the other, I read it.

It’s Sebastian’s part right now. I like his reading voice, it’s steadier than his usual voice. He also does voices for different characters. I don’t really know how to keep the story going while doing different voices.

I'm still not used to my own voice so hearing myself read is sort of strange. I’m not sure if I like it or not.

I hope Lennon hasn’t said anything about what I told him. I don’t think he would and Sebastian isn’t acting strange.

Though I can’t get Daren’s words out of my head. ‘I mean, she didn’t even yell when you- when he- When she found out you kissed him.’ I don't know how they found out.

Sebastian pauses after the end of the chapter.

I see a chance to ask. “Uh, Seb?”

He rests the book on my chest, “Yeah?”

“Um, did- did you tell Daren about the times you kissed me?” I ask in a small voice.

He doesn’t respond. I can feel him chuckle under me. “What, he wasn’t supposed to know?”

“No, it’s just that-”

“That it made you feel gross so you wanted to forget it?” He interrupts.

I look down at the book. “Yeah..”

Sebastian sighs, “I know, I told Daren cuz he wanted to know why you were upset and why you sometimes acted weird after hanging out with me.”

“Why are you asking this now?” His voice carries an undertone of concern, “Did he bring it up or something?”

I nod, “He said Mom didn’t care about it.”

“Compared to when Daren goes on a date,” I swallow the lump in my throat, “She gets mad.”

Sebastian goes quiet, “Oh..”

“Did you see us hanging out as dates?” He mumbles the question.

I think for a minute, “No, I never did. It just confused me when you wanted to kiss and cuddle and everything.”

He rubs my arm, “I’m sorry, I never even talked to you about what we were doing.”

I shrug, “It’s fine, it was a long time ago.”

He breathes, “What do you see this as now?”

I frown down at myself, “I’m not sure, I don’t exactly see us as friends or at least not the usual kind of friends..”

I don’t know if I can tell him how I actually feel about it. He might find it weird or it might make him uncomfortable.

In a small voice, he says. “Me neither..”

My throat feels like it’s clogging up.

“What do you see it as?” I manage before suffocating.

He runs his fingers through his hair. “I- I mean, it’s different from anything I’ve ever done with anyone.”

“With Lennon I know he sees it as romantic and sexual. Even though I don’t feel it, he does. So I just see it in a similar way.”

“With Daren, we’re friends and always have been so that one’s easy.”

“You’re the only one I’ve been around that doesn’t have a label.”

“You’re not really my friend or my “romantic” partner.”

What is he saying? My head hurts.

“So.. what are we?” I ask.

“Two guys who care about each other, we don’t really need a label,” he answers.

I close the book, sit up and place it on the coffee table. I turn to face him, “Sebastian-” I look at him, brows furrowed, “It’s been a long time, but do you still want to kiss me?”

He backs up into the armrest and looks at me nervously. “Why?...”

I look him in the eyes, “I’m just curious.”

He smiles tensely, “Okay.. heh. Um- no I don’t want to anymore.”

He looks away, “Lennon gives me more than I can handle already.”

I blink, “And if he didn’t give you any at all would your feelings change?”

His eyebrows knit, “I don’t think so.”

He looks at me seriously, “Heath. I don’t know what you want out of this, but I don’t feel that way about anyone. If Lennon stopped kissing me I’d be more than happy but he really enjoys it, so I do it for him.”

I look down, “I don’t want anything out of it.”

“Then why’d you ask?” He says exasperated.

I fidget with my hands. “I'm not sure.”

I’m glad he doesn’t want to anymore... But I still don’t understand why he did it in the first place. He says he doesn’t feel that way about anyone but he still did that to me...

I hear Lennon walk out of the hall. Sebastian looks up to see him and smiles.

Why does he let Lennon do that to him if he doesn’t like it?..

Lennon comes over and leans on the back of the couch, crossing his arms. He looks at Sebastian, “What are we doing for supper?”

Sebastian gives him an annoyed look, “I don’t know. It’s your turn to figure it out.”

Lennon leans closer to Sebastian.

“Aw, but you’re a way better cook than I am,” He whines.

Sebastian’s eyes narrow, “Remember our deal?”

Lennon pouts. “But can’t we have an exception?”

“Just this once?”

Sebastian sighs. “No, go make food.”

Lennon gets up from leaning on the couch. “Fine, but I’m making boxed mac and cheese then.”

He starts to walk away into the kitchen but turns around one last time, “I’ll make your favorite if you give me some love.”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow unamused, “no,”

Lennon sulks his way into the kitchen.

Sebastian glares at nothing in particular, he doesn’t seem happy. He calms himself and looks back at me, “Sorry you had to see that, Len can be a dick sometimes.”

“He’s only doing it cuz he’s jealous I’m spending time with you and not him.”

He scowls at the floor.

“Why did he-” I start to say.

“Wanna go somewhere?” He interrupts me.

I nod, “Where are we going?”

He shrugs.