Chapter 2

The realisation

While in the office Ryan finally feels a safety in school that He’s never felt before. He takes out his phone that is in visibly good condition. He pulls up his mams contact number and tries to pull some sort of excuse that he hasn’t used before, he knows deep down that he can’t drag this out any longer he decides he’s going to tell his mother but now its just a matter of when to drop the bomb.

He messages his mam the quickest thing he can think of, “hey ma any chance you can pick me up I’ve got a pounding migraine” a few minutes pass, Ryan can hear pounding footsteps down the corridor. He wants to look through the glass to see who it is, but he just doesn’t have the energy to pick himself up off the chair. Tracy texts him “I’m in work at the minute, chap I can give Mr Damon a buzz, maybe he’ll let you walk back home”. He knows that it's risky, but he agrees and moments later Mr Damon walks into the office, instantly he can tell that something is wrong. “Look chap I know, and you know that you don’t have a migraine, but I know that there’s something bigger going on, I don’t expect you to tell me but I just want you to know that that door is always open for you, regardless of the issue if you need anything you can always talk to me, you know that right?”. Ryan dries off his face and looks at him and nods his head. 

Mr Damon types on his computer for a few minutes before he starts talking again, Ryan sitting in the chair can feel as if the room is closing in on him, he looks up at the window, again the tears start flowing and he can’t control them they just won’t stop no matter how hard he tries. Mr Damon can sense that he needs to just to go home so he speaks up. “Look iv signed you out for the rest of today and tomorrow take a while and just get yourself sorted I don’t care if you need to take another day after that make sure that you’re ok, and don’t you be worrying about missing any key assignments or tasks I’ll get you sorted when you get back” Ryan sniffles and wipes his tears he starts to feel at ease. As he’s heading out the gate Kevin notices and follows him out.

“What's up bud” asked Kevin. He puts his arm round Ryan and they start to walk back to Ryan’s. A few minutes pass and Ryan starts to talk about what’s wrong. “It just never ends Kev I’m just so sick of it all I can’t put up with it anymore it’s all just piling up and I’m losing it I can’t go on any longer like this”. Kevin’s at a loss for words; he's trying to find the right thing to say so he doesn’t make the whole situation worse. Kevin trying to pair words together to make a sentence stumble out “look I can’t say that I know what you’re going through because everyone is different, but what I can tell you is that you will be ok I promise you that, I know your shitting it to tall your ma but think about it she was fine when you told her about me. It might take her a bit longer to wrap her head around it, but she just wants you to be happy”

Ryan realises that Kevin is right and that it might be hard for him right now but it's not always going to be this hard for him. One day he’s going to get the courage to finally tell her, and he knows 100% that he will have Kevin’s support the whole way through. Ryan rustles through his pockets to find his house keys to get into the house eventually he takes them out. While making a lot of noise. “Jaysus you’d wake the dead '' says Kevin trying to lighten the mood. Ryan chuckles.

Ryan darts up the stairs and rummages through his wardrobe to find what to wear when he’s helping Kevin that night. “Ah here Kev iv nothing to wear” he says while emptying his wardrobe onto the floor a pile of clothes nearly waist high to him. Kev comes in “just wear something your…… ah here would ya goway you’ve enough clothes there for 20 people throw something on ya and shup complaining”. Ryan gets changed into his tracksuit and goes downstairs to make something to eat for them and takes a jigsaw out of the freezer, while being nothing short of baffled he shouts up to Kevin, “Kevin I swear to god if it was you that hid that jigsaw in the freezer there’ll be wigs on the green”. Ryan stands at the bottom of the stairs waiting for a reply. “Surprise. Not Gunna lie I forgot that I had left it there to be honest” shouts Kevin. 

The two boys have something to eat downstairs while watching a film they heard about from Kevin’s brother. When the boys finish, they turn off the film and wash up the dishes they used. Ryan leaves a note in front of the kettle to let his mam know that he was going to help Kevin out in the medical centre for the inspection. Normally he would just send her a text, but he knows that sometimes she prefers the simple things, such as not having to figure out how to reply to a text or turn the internet on the phone. You know the usual things that he has to explain to her. He enjoys it though because it means that he gets to spend some time with her because ever since he can remember it’s just been the two of them and he knows how hard she’s found it trying to keep up with everything and she always makes sure that he has the best of the best before worrying about herself. They had a bond like no other, they were more like best friends than they were mother and son. 

The boys are walking down the same broke up road they always do to get into town, they are having their usual gossip about boy drama and how they both need to get their shit together and settle down before it's too late. Kevin glances over to Ryan “it's not too much further down here now lad”, Ryan looks over to him “I’m in and out of the place so much that they might as well just give me my own room at this stage, I know where it is I could walk there blind folded,.. actually, scratch that idea I’d probably end up breaking myself up more and actually having to go again” the to boys chuckle and keep walking it starts to lash rain as the boys arrive at the medical centre Kevin gets out his key fob to get them into the staff entrance. It takes a couple of tries to get it to work as usual, so Kevin was unphased by it. 

An hour passes and Kevin realises that Ryan has flown through the work and has done a top-class job. Ryan grabs his bag from the hall and the boys get ready to leave. Kevin starts to think that maybe if Ryan had a little part time job on the side maybe it would help him deal with everything that he has going on at the minute.  He’d also benefit financially from it and would be able to save a few bob for the summer holidays. “Have you ever thought of getting a part time cleaning job, you did an amazing job there today, it might be good to keep your mind off things as well, i'd be able to put in a good word for you as well. Only if you’d be interested in it”. Ryan hesitates for a minute and thinks “actually Kev I love that idea, I'll print a C.V when I’m back in school next and give it to you. Mr Damon signed me off for a few days because he can tell somethings up”

As the boys are walking home, Ryan’s thinking about how he’s going to play out the next couple of weeks, as he’s about to speak Kevin pipes up with an idea “omg I've the best idea for how you tell your ma, right listen carefully, go to that internet training day and make sure that you look well, maybe you’ll manage to find yourself a fella there” Kevin finishes his grand idea by topping it off with the classic Jazz hands. Ryan looks at him with belief in his eyes ``you really think I could Kev like look at me I’m a mess on 2 two legs”. Kevin looks him up and down “a dam fine looking mess and anyone would be lucky to be with you and don’t ever forget that either bud your worth so much more than you think you are, so instead of letting people walk all over you start knowing your worth” Ryan shrugs his shoulders as if he doesn’t agree with him.  Kevin picks up on it and puts his arms over his shoulder “you’ll be ok Ryan I promise ya”

The boys are getting close to the housing estate and Ryan decides it's time. “Kevin, it's time I can’t hold it in any longer. I need to tell her it’s now or never. You still ok with coming with me to tell her?” Kevin smiles and nods his head in agreement

The boys get in the door and Ryan’s mam is sitting in the sitting room watching some soppy tv show she likes. Ryan heads in first “eh…. Erm… mam could I talk to you for a minute please it’s kind of important” she picks up the remote and shuts off the telly “yeah of course ya can sweetheart what’s wrong??” she inquires worryingly. Kevin can tell he’s nervous so he puts his arm around him and holds his hand “it's ok you can do this” he whispers in his ear. “Well mam it’s just I’ve wanted to tell you something for a while now and I haven’t been able to find the right time to, but I’m done hiding it, Kev’s came along for support” as he is about to spit it out his mam’s phones rings, she answers the phone and talks for a few minutes.

Ryan turns to Kevin ``see there always seems to be something more important I’ll never be able to tell her” His mam hangs up the phone, “sorry chap it was a work call I couldn’t dodge it anyhow continue what you were saying”. Ryan takes a big deep breath in and starts “well mam it’s just that I want you to know that………….”  Tracy pipes up “come on Ryan just say it I’m getting worried now”