Chapter five

Biting the bullet

Did things really get that bad and he never told me? What led him to that? A hundred and one questions flew through Kevin’s head as he was trying to make sense of it all, how had he not seen it till now, or had it only just happened recently. Kevin’s at a loss for words and he has no idea how he will approach the situation. But no matter how hard it is he has to make sure that he looks into it.

The two boys get dressed into their clothes and decide that they are not going to stir for the day because they are both wrecked tired. Kevin opens the wardrobe and yet again the same hoodie falls out again, Kevin looks over at Ryan and he’s staring over at the hoodie yet again but this time wasn’t like the last, Ryan seemed fixated on the hoodie as if he was seeing something that Kevin wasn’t, Kevin picks up on this “Ryan I think it’s time for you to get rid of this now its not going to get any better if you don’t”, the hoodie belonged to Ryan’s first  boyfriend Jake, they were both closeted at the time so it was only Ryan and Kevin that knew about it, things ended messy between the two boys and Ryan took it hard, weeks later Ryan fell into a dark hole that he didn’t think he would be able to get out of so he just kept it all to himself,  a lot of what he went through not even Kevin knew about. Ryan agrees with Kevin, he also decides to write Jake a letter to finally put the situation to bed, the two boys sit down to write the letter, Ryan starts writing “your chapter in my life is long over, I need to be able to move on, I can’t keep reading over it and expect a different outcome, it’s not good for anyone, I’ve got rid of your hoodie and I am writing you this letter to finally put this whole situation to bed and then maybe I can move on and not be in the constant pain I have been in for months, you tore me down with everything you could and I’m not letting that happen again, I need to find someone who truly deserves my heart and give it to them because maybe that’s why I wasn’t heart broken when we ended because I knew that you leaving me was a choice, and if you truly did love me there would not of been a choice to begin with, I hope your happy in life, Ryan”

Ryan folds the letter so it would fit into the envelope and addresses it to Jake and they leave it out for the post man to collect.  “im so fucking proud of you for being able to do that Ryan, its about time you start stranding up for yourself, you deserve someone who will treat you king and give you the whole world and more, not someone like him who treated you like his side piece only using you for a shag when he was bord” Kevin says as the boys are walking into the sitting room, “I know Kev but sometimes something is better than nothing” Ryan mumbles while shrugging his shoulders, Kevin looks at him making direct eye contact “are you even listening to what you’re saying, yeah sometimes something is better than nothing but not when that something is nothing but a fuck boy that only text you when he was in the mood, wake up Ryan you’ve got a hearth of gold you need to realise that u deserve so much, so yeah go to that training thing wear that stunning outfit and be yourself, and remember something your insecure about could be the thing that makes that one person fall for you, so start loving yourself  ”, Ryan’s a bit taken back by the whole situation he doesn’t know how to reply because he’s never heard Kevin talk to him like that with so much passion, it was like Kevin was projecting something onto Ryan “oh em thanks Kevin I really do appreciate it buddy”

The boy sit in the sitting room in silence for a bit as if they are waiting for the other one to start the conversation,  eventually Ryan pipes up “Kev not to sound rude but did I do something wrong you seemed really annoyed when you were talking”, Kevin gets up and walks over to sit beside Ryan “no Ryan you didn’t I’m just worried about you, don’t get weirded out but earlier when you were getting changed into your clothes I saw the scars on the back of your arms, tell me what’s going on, I’m not leaving till you talk”, Ryan Hesitates for a minute before he speaks, “look its just that iv been going through a lot that I haven’t told you about and it felt like it was my only option, it made it feel like everything would be ok after, then when it didn’t get ok, it just continued on and on for months then I stopped eating properly sometimes id eat something small just so mam wouldn’t get worried but then I just got to the stage where I just stopped eating all together, and then with Jack and his gang the bullying got worse, I couldn’t even escape it at home anymore because they kept texting and ringing me and even when I block them they always get new numbers or new accounts to keep getting at me, I didn’t want to say anything to anyone because I knew that he’d only get worse after” 

Kevin wraps his arms around Ryan and gives him the biggest hug that he ever has, “how long has it been going on Ryan, the eating and the…..” Kevin hesitates before he continues “and the em…. Cutting, I want you to be honest with me” Ryan takes a deep breath in because he knows that he won't be able to pass it off now “since about this time last year” he admits. Kevin looks over at him in shock “a fucking year, Ryan why didn’t you say something, you know well enough that your my best friend I would of done everything in my power to put a stop to what they were doing to you, what else did he do to you” he questions. Ryan continues “well he cornered me in the dressing room during pe a few weeks ago and threatened me ‘if I told anyone about what he’s doing to me that he’d pin me down and….” Ryan can't bring him to finish the sentence but Kevin knows exactly what was going to be said, Ryan finished “I just didn’t want to say anything to yous because I was terrified that he would actually do it, and I just didn’t want to burden you” Ryan bursts into tears and is sobbing his heart out, Kevin dries his tears with the sleeve of his jumper and consoles Ryan “Ryan you aren’t a burden to me, I’m here for you no matter what the case is and I’m telling you now if he even looks crooked at you again you tell me straight away because i'll happily put him back in his box, and as for the cutting buddy if it gets that bad again just tell me, you’re not going through anything alone, I’m here for you no matter what ‘always and forever”

Kevin can’t help but still worry that there is something that Ryan isn’t telling him, but he doesn’t want to push any more because it was a lot for Ryan to open up to him about what had happened. He knows now that he’s going to need to keep a close eye on Ryan and what happens, whatever happens he doesn’t want Ryan to feel like that either. But just because Jack was popular and had a gang behind him, that wasn’t going to stop Kevin from putting him in his place and stopping all the shit he was causing for Ryan, as well as everyone else. He knew it was going to be hard to do but he knows that deep down he needs to do it no matter what it takes, he cares way too much about Ryan and doesn’t ever want to lose him. Now it was just a case of what to do…..