The obnoxious sound of my alarm woke me up. It's not like I was sleeping amazingly, but I don't like waking up at 5:00 a.m. for useless bullshit. Reluctantly, I walked to the bathroom to piss... as usual. 

Something seemed off the moment I pulled my boxers down...blood. Of fucking course! On a very busy, useless day of my life. "Thanks Russy." I so aptly named the hated part of my body. Luckily it wasn't a lot of blood, but I still had to change into my briefs instead of my comfortable boxers. 

Later, at what was now 6:36 a.m., I was in my seafoam green dress shirt with a yellow tie. What my sister wanted me to wear, well the colors at least. She wanted me to be her Mai-Man of Honor, but I refused. I think straight up refusing is better than trying to fight for myself. I know I would lose, so why bother? I squinched my eyes, brushing away those thoughts and looking at myself in the mirror one last time. 

I examined my light coffee-colored curls and greenish blue eyes with the dark circles I genetically gained from my mother and from the obvious no sleep. And my...for some reason, perfect shaped nose and stupidly thin lips, my skin so pale it almost looks sickly. I hate how I look. It has nothing to do with me being trans, because I have a decent jawline and masculine face and body. I just look ugly. Well so much for getting rid of negative thoughts. Anyway I fixed my hair and rolled out for the 2-hour drive to my sister's wedding. 

I was late, because of course I was. The little wedding anthem just started that was looking for my mother to sit next to her and the rest of my family. Duh, she was in the front pew. I'm sleep deprived... I sat down and was immediately bombarded with "Oh good lord, Nicole!" My mother whisper-shouted at me. "What are you wearing? Are you trying to ruin Lizzie's wedding?" 

I internally groaned, "What do I look like? Idgie Threadgoode? No, I'm just wearing clothes. You'll live Ma." I snarked. She looked at me with annoyance and disgust, but I didn't care. That's when my sister walked out with my Uncle Rick, the father of the person I first came out to, my cousin. 

Back to my sister, her beautiful black hair resting on her shoulders with her lacy white dress and big baby blue eyes. She's 3 years older than me at 27 years old. Still the holier than thou type like our mother. 

I was apparently unintentionally glaring at her because she did a fake smile and wave at me, while my mother elbowed me in the arm. She was sent off to her fiancé soon to be husband as my uncle sat down behind me and secretly patted my shoulder. He must see the discomfort on my face. I can't wait till the stupid wedding is over.