*Please note that Leith is being misgendered because the others don't know. All the other reasons aren't valid to misgender someone.*
6-Unveiled secret
Kenton's pov
Well f**k, this is awkward. I can't believe I ended up in this situation. Not only did accidentally call Liam, I invited him to come over. Worst mistake of my whole life. Since when am I this anxious towards someone?
Well, he ended up saying yes to my grand surprise. Obviously, he didn't know my address so I told him but now he's here and we don't know what to do.
I had absolutely no reason to call him in the first place let alone invite him here. How can I be this dumb? Do I crave his company that much? Geez, I could've asked Sam or Jack to come over what did I have to ask Liam? Ugh, I want to punch myself.
"Hey, I don't want to bother you but why did you invite me here...?" Oh, right he's next to me. I awkwardly smile.
"Ah well, I actually don't know why."
"What?"
"Uh yes...Now I have no idea what we should do."
"Oh then, I'll leave if you want to..."
"No!"
"Ok, I'll stay then..."
Gosh, this is awkward. It wasn't like that on Tuesday! He was getting comfortable with me! Ugh, I'm running my chances here.
"Sorry about that."
"It's fine."
"Do you have an idea what we could do?"
"Don't ask me this is your house after all."
"Right...Hmm, what could we do? My brother went somewhere with his friend. My parents seem busy doing something."
"We could study together if you want?"
"What? No! It's Thanksgiving, let's have some fun. Thanksgiving is a time to have fun and to relax."
"Oh," He says in realization. Gosh, I'm making him uncomfortable, right? I need to find a way to entertain him! He can't be bored of me!
"What? What's wrong you're not having fun so far?"
"How did you know...?" F**k, I was right too, that's making it worse.
"Ah, I just guessed. What? Is it boring at your house?"
"Kinda yeah."
"Oh well, then it's a good thing I called you." He lightly chuckles. Good, I'm cheering him up.
Oddly, I'm struggling at this, usually, I just use my charm tactics but I've noticed that that technique won't work on Liam. Liam is quite different. I can't treat him like the others.
"OK, so how about we go outside? I know it's a bit cold but this time around I have my little coat, ok?"
"Sure, let's go."
We put on our little coat and we go outside. We sit on the little step made of stone in my backyard. If we had sat down in this area a little bit earlier into Autumn we could have seen the beautiful colors of the threes. Too bad they all have fallen off already.
It's kinda awkward actually right now. Why is it this awkward between us?! Seriously, it used to never be like that before when I talked to others.
"Your backyard looks kinda nice, I like it."
"Oh thanks, it's my mom that decorated it."
"You never take any credit for anything, do you?" Woah, where is this coming from?
"What makes you say that?"
"It's something I observed."
"Huh? Wait are you stalking me?!" Why does that make me kind of happy? I should know that stalking leads to bad things.
"What? No?"
"Oh thank gosh. Most girls and even guys now do that to me."
"Oh is it a good thing that I don't?"
"Yeah, it is. They are really creepy. I don't understand why they would even want to know everything about me by stalking me. Can't they just talk to me instead of stalking me?"
"Well...you're not easy to approach..." What is he getting at? I'm unapproachable?
"What do you mean I'm not easy to approach?"
"Um well....you are always talking to your friends so it's not easy to approach you."
"Wait, are you telling me I should stop speaking to my friends?"
"No! Don't misunderstand. It's just most people are shy like me so they think you're not interested in them because you're popular. You're like...out of our leagues." Interesting, no one told me that before.
"Oh wow...I didn't think people thought that of me. Wait are you one of these people?"
"Uh...um...yes?"
"Oh, I didn't mean to make you think that."
"It's fine you can't help it..."
"But it's not okay! Is that why you never talked to me before that night?"
"Huh?"
I can tell that he's getting a little flustered. Hmm, maybe Kyle was right I should definitely read his body language and see how he acts around me. I want to know if he really does like me.
"Well...you didn't talk to me before Delilah's party. I just can't seem to figure out why you suddenly talked to me at that party. You kinda avoided me before that."
"I avoided you?"
"Yeah, you were. I tried talking to you but you just ignored me until Delilah's party."
"I just thought you weren't actually interested in talking to me." For some reason, I'm not entirely convinced.
"Is that really all?"
"Well...I'm not good with talking to others..."
"Really? That's why you avoided me? What about why you talked to me at the party?"
"I was forced to OK?!"
"Woah, calm down. I didn't mean to offend you. I just found it hard that you would suddenly talk to me after avoiding me like you did."
"I know, I didn't mean to talk to you at all, my friends pushed me to talk to you." Somehow it hurts. Does it mean he didn't mean it? His confession?
"But I think you already know that I didn't just talk to you..." Wait is he mentioning that time when he confessed?
"Oh yeah, that's right you don't remember you were drunk."
"But I do remember!" He seems taken aback by my strong reaction.
"Wait you do?" He starts to get flustered again. What is he thinking about that makes him that flustered?
"Yeah, I decided to not speak about it since I was afraid you would start avoiding me again but yeah I do." He says flustered, cute.
"Wait you were afraid I would start avoiding you...?"
"Yeah..."
Now that's awkward. I don't usually enjoy mentioning my feelings to people. I usually keep it for myself but I think he needs to know. He keeps mistaking me for just a popular player, I'm really not all just that.
"Well...to tell you the truth I think I would've."
"Wait are you serious right now?"
"Yes, I am." I'll regret this, will I?
"Wait, so you would avoid me? But why?"
"You already know why."
"But I don't understand why." He looks at me and I look at him utterly lost in all this.
Where are we going with this? Does he have to assume things? I don't know everything.
"You just don't understand."
"Stop assuming I won't understand," I say starting to get pissed off.
"You'll never understand even if I tell you." He says melancholic.
"Liam Davis don't underestimate my capacity to understand," I say dead serious.
It seems like I visually stroke a cord. Seems like this is a touchy subject. I don't get it, this doesn't make sense. It's about me not him, why is he so in a down mood over whatever this is?
"You want to test how understanding you are?"
"Yeah"
"Then what if I tell you something you don't know what it is."
Yeah, no sh*t Sherlock, you keep saying I know what it is but I don't. It doesn't matter, now I just badly want to know.
"I'll try to understand."
"Ok then, I'm non-binary." Huh? Non-binary?
"Huh? What is that?"
"Well, it means, I don't identify as a man or a woman." Is that a thing? It can't be.
"Wait what? That's bullsh*t Liam. There's no such thing as that. It's impossible to not be a man or a woman. That's just how it is."
"Wow, you really don't understand I guess I was right all along. Why am I even telling you all this?"
"Liam don't be mad I'm just stating the truth here. You can't be whatever you said you are. Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina and I'm pretty sure you have a penis. That makes you a boy. Now can we continue where we left off?"
"No! Stop."
"What? What's wrong?"
"You said you'll try to understand but you are precisely doing the opposite. Can I tell you what I mean by being non-binary?"
Ugh, this is getting tiring. What is it I don't understand? Even if he seems to be the one to not understand, I really want to know why he's saying that.
"Go on,"
"Oh gosh, this feels weird telling you this. Just know that I'm telling you this because you're important to me." I'm important to him? That's new.
"Aw, I am?"
"Not now Kenton."
"Ok sorry,"
"Well yes, you know that I have a penis like boys have but it doesn't necessarily mean I feel like a boy nor do I act like a boy."
"Is that why you have long hair? Are you telling me that you want to be a girl?"
"No, it's not it. I also realized that I don't feel like a girl nor do I act like one. For example, I don't want to wear a dress like girls do but I also don't like what guys typically like. For me, clothes are neutral, they don't represent genders."
"Wait, how do you have sex then?"
"Argh, I thought you were a nice guy but I take it back you're just like the others. I'm sorry but I'm leaving." He tries to walk away but I catch him by the arm.
"Wait no! Don't go! I want to try to understand!"
"Then do you promise to stop asking such questions?"
"Yes...ugh, but why can't I? I'm just trying to understand. I just can't grasp what you're telling me but you're preventing me from doing so, by not wanting me to ask questions."
"Just let me finish explaining first?"
"Ok," We go back to where we first were earlier.
"Basically I don't like being referred to as a boy or being referred to as a girl. I identify as non-binary."
"So..."
"They created that gender for those that don't identify as either of those typical genders. Did you know that what you feel like inside of you may not be the same as the biological gender you have?"
"So you don't identify as anything."
"Yeah, that's basically it. I'm just a person in this world."
"So do I still call you a he? Or do I still call you Liam? It seems pretty...masculine you say?"
"Oh yeah about that. I like it when people call me Leith. You can use the pronouns they/them."
"But it's plural?"
"I know but they/them is used as a singular pronoun, so they use it for people like me."
"Oh ok, so do I tell the others or is this a secret?"
"No, don't tell them! They won't understand anyway. You know how people are here. I'm lucky that you also like guys."
"Wait you're gay?"
"Um yeah?"
"Oh, I just didn't think you would actually be gay."
"Sorry for bringing you so much bombshells."
He's right that this was a lot to understand and I don't quite understand but at least, he seemed to tell me something important. If he trusted me to tell me that then...
"No, it's fine...I don't fully understand but I'm glad you are opening up with me." There he goes again being flustered.
"So I should call you...Leith now?"
"Yeah if you want.."
"Gosh, calling you Leith is weird. I've never heard of that name before but I like it."
"You do?"
"Yeah, I mean did you hear my name? Kenton really? Could've just called me Ken like Barbie's supposed boyfriend instead, why didn't my parents do that?"
"Oh yeah your name is Kenton...do you use nicknames or?"
"Not really, most people call me just Kenton. Honestly, now that I think about it, I would hate being called Ken." Leith chuckles. Finally, I made him laugh!
"Oh, so you ok with calling me Leith instead?"
"Well, I guess but I'll take some adjusting to do but I'll get used to it. Who knows besides me?"
"Well, my brother, my friend, Sarah and my other friend Matthew."
"That's it?"
"Well yeah, who else would understand?"
"Yeah, you're right. So your parents don't know?"
"Nope"
"Wow, just like me then."
"Wait your parents don't know? I was sure they would know by now." I shrug.
"Well, I don't know why but it seems like they haven't figured it out. I don't have the heart to come out to my parents. Do you want to know something?"
"OK?"
"The whole school knows I like boys too but it wasn't always like that."
"I think I know that." He smiles faintly and I fake glare at him.
"Shut it you!"
"Ok, ok I'll shut up."
"Well, the whole school ended up all-knowing because of one accident."
"Oh? I always noticed you were with guys sometimes so I just assumed you were Bi."
"Really?"
"Yeah,"
"Oh well, I was sure you heard it from someone but never mind. Back in freshman year, I wanted to explore some more. I thought that only kissing girls was boring. I'd read something about two guys kissing on a web page by accident but that's what made me want to explore some more.
At first, I kissed a few guys without anyone knowing. Then one day Sam caught me kissing some guy. He was horrified at first but he shut his mouth about it. I don't know what it is but everyone kept it a secret. It didn't take long for Jack to walk on me and another guy. He kept it a secret too.
Then my brother walked out on me and another guy just like Jack did but he walked on us in my room while we were in action. He kept his mind shut about it but he silently supported.
Then it came the turn of one of my exes who saw me doing the same thing. Unfortunately, she didn't keep her mouth shut. She told the whole school. No one believed her until I started openly expressing myself.
Well, now the whole school knows and they are nonchalant about it since I still like girls too. Since that day I'm not scared to openly express myself. Nowadays it's like I'm used to it and the whole school too. Fun fact, I never had to come out at anyone sens they basically assumed I like guys and girls."
"Wow...not many people know that I'm gay you're so lucky you didn't have to come out but was it hard at first? Did you get bullied or hurtful words?" I recall a few years back.
"Yeah, I do recall being called names and stuff but I didn't care. It turned out people didn't mind that I liked guys all that much it was the fact I was so open about it. You know how it is, you can't be open about it here. Though, I didn't care about it and now people just got used to it."
"Wow, you're lucky. You don't have to stay in the closet."
"What? Your parents don't accept you?"
"Well, they don't know anything."
"Oh, I mean it's the same for my parents but like are they like really close-minded."
"Yeah, they are..."
I know exactly what kind of parents he has. I feel bad for Liam, wait do I have to call him Leith all the time and in my thoughts too?
"It's getting kind of cold should we get in?"
"Wait, what time is it?"
I check my phone and I'm surprised to learn it's already past 5 pm. Woah, time goes by fast. Hmm, it really is starting to get cold and dark. The sun is setting soon it seems. There's one other thing that catches my eye, a text message. Apparently, it's from Bianca. Why did she have to ruin the moment?
But now that I think about it, Liam...is still with me. Maybe he'd like to go to the party too? I don't know if it's his kind of thing. He was there last time. Oh well, doesn't matter, I'll ask anyway. It'll be fun if he's there, that way I'll have a distraction from Bianca and it'll be different.
"It's a little after 5 pm apparently but it looks like I got a text. Apparently, Bianca is throwing a party which she invited me to last week but I totally overlooked it. I think I'll go to her party. Do you want to go with me?"
Gosh, I doubt he'd say yes but I hope he does...
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