“Mother covered up your placement and committed to never changing for you when she staged her suicide as a filicide-suicide.” Terrance’s voice was raw as he finished his retelling. The barely controlled emotions causing his jaw muscle to clench and his eyes to pull wide as they glistened with excess moisture.

The table was completely silent, Sarah and Keller had a supportive grasp on Terrance’s shoulders. Lydia’s hands were gently lifted to block her gaping mouth. Darryl reached out, puling one close to clasp it between his own.

“No one outside knows who you are. You do resemble me, so we’ll need to be careful, but everything from hair to eye color is different from when anyone here may’ve seen you. I hardly expected your adoptive family to move this direction years ago, but I was able to keep better tabs on you. To be frank, I was extremely concerned about Darryl attending the same school, but I’d figured your scent would be stifled enough or completely gone by now, so he wouldn’t notice since he’s-” Terrance paused as his brow furled with concern.

“I’m a lot weaker than most of my kind, my senses are probably only as strong as your own were with none of your potential now that you can shift.” Darryl finished for his brother.

Lydia tilted her head in confusion, eyes silently asking if he was willing to elaborate. When he hesitated, she flicked her eyes quickly to ask him about the current company. Darryl minutely shook his head. Lydia immediately backed down, misunderstanding the negative as him not wanting to talk regardless of the surrounding group. Their silent exchange brought Terrance a memory about them saying they never pressing each other to divulge anything they didn’t want to, and he immediately understood now how strong their connection already was, and why Darryl was so angry, and Lydia became so deeply hurt when he had separated the two of them. Terrance realized suddenly that he had made the wrong choice.

Darryl stretched deeply and clarified. He had only needed time to gather his courage. “What I mean by that is this. Now that you and Willow have connected, many of your natural senses will be strengthened. My lesser abilities are because of my lineage, so it’s nothing I can change. I was the product of Alpha’s revenge against your mother, I’m born outside of a mated pair which leads to lessened abilities. However, I also was conceived from one parent who had a separate mate nearby, the Moon Goddess has cursed these types of relationships, it physically hurts the mates only during the act, infants are rarely conceived, but when they are the child bears the mark of it their entire life. So my physical abilities such as speed or smell are lacking.”

Lydia shifted her hand palm up under Darryl’s and squeezed in consolation. However, his story wasn’t finished, and Lydia lowered her free hand to cover the back of their clasped hands. “I was lucky that being an alpha’s child, Lapu is not as physically small as other children in my position. However, while everyone knows about the origin of my conception, I’ve never once been publicly claimed as his so I lack any protection. Basically, I was put into our school after I was pulled out of the Pack’s homeschool after a few very violent bullying episodes. But only after Terrance and Sara could take me. I’m awfully lucky Terrance is older and can provide a home, Alpha of course paid me no heed, and Mother had no choice but to shun me or risk losing her place in our pack.”

“No choice?” Lydia asked skeptically, her bubbling anger needing something to latch on. Keller stepped in to answer.

“There’s a strict hierarchy and a merciless reaction to those who leave a pack. Few packs will accept rogues, some kill on sight, but most just ignore or shun them. There’s a very select set of reasons why , and only because Terrance was the one who reported back yesterday claiming that you are a Loner, were you given a time to hang around. Because he’s been able to develop his skill with mental bonds so effectively, he’s able to pull truth out of others with more precision than any other pack member and thus is trusted to know your intentions toward our pack.”

“So, what’s my story?” Lydia asked, trying desperately to stay focused on important bits first.

“Smart girl.” Sara commented, smiling as Terrance answered.

“My hope is to not have you interacting with the pack too much, since you don’t have the background to answer too many questions if they pry. If you’re going to hang around, we’ll basically need you to move in, any story that puts you at your family’s home most of the time could easily lead to the discovery of your actual identity. With Father still having control of this pack I can’t guarantee your safety here if he finds out.”

Lydia sat silently, head spinning with unanswered questions, but having no idea where to start. By the time she had any coherent thoughts, the dishes were cleared, and the slight commotion had died away.

Darryl was waiting patiently when she finally looked up from their conjoined hands. Everyone else had left the room. “I know it’s a lot at once. Our world is quite cruel. We’re half-beast, and that shows more than some of us like.”

“I don’t want to abandon Willow, I’m assuming it’s unacceptable to let my parents know what I am?” Lydia asked quietly, anxious about leaving anyone out.

Darryl was pensive before he responded. “The good news is you’re functional enough in average society so if you never join a pack you won’t be completely lost. I’m already better off than most, but that’s partly because my senses are also duller, so my instincts won’t have as hard a drive as most Spiritdancers.”

“Instincts?”

Darryl tapped his fingers together as if counting when he answered, “Well, the largest one is the mating pull, we’ve the need to be in nature, and many feel drawn to hunt. There’s also the need to be in a pack, Spiritdancers thrive on being near our own kind. I personally think that’s why so many rogues have such bad intentions, they develop them to cope with the need to be unified, so they strive to either hurt those that have what they don’t, or to take over or collect others to form their own pack.”

“It sounds primitive.” Lydia made a contorted face and Darryl clasped her hands again.

“Be that as it may, It’s still a governor over our lives. You’ll feel it soon, you felt it last night after all,”

“Wasn’t that just my medication?”

“I don’t know,” he said this slowly and then quickly added, “your need to run is certainly from Willow, as weak as she was, and even for never having transformed, there was a reaction. My assumption is that it would get worse now that you’ve experienced it, if you deny those connections again.” The apologetic look spoke volumes. Lydia thought on that for some time, eventually she could only nod her head in mild understanding.

“What kind of medication is it?” Darryl asked sheepishly.

She took a deep breath, “It is an antipsychotic. I have a personality disorder.”

“Not anymore,” Darryl said after a minute, she saw his cynical smile.

“What do you- oh, I guess you’re right, it’s just Willow.” Lydia mirrored his smile with a wry one of her own. The words felt so strange, so she said them aloud to taste them, “My alternate personality is actually a real separate entity.” Confused tears came to her eyes, and she shook her head violently, that went against everything her therapists had been telling her. When she spoke again her voice cracked. “You know, I didn’t even know that she’s actually a wolf. When I was small, we used to pretend she was all sorts of animals, an eagle, a fox, a dolphin, whatever animal would be most helpful or fun to play with depending on where I was. She was never human to me though, just a shadowy figure that would change to suit our games. However, after I started in school, she didn’t go away like most imaginary friends and it started causing problems with my real-life friends because we just couldn’t understand each other, I was called a liar so much no one would play with me, then nasty rumors started after I got really scared at school and Willow spoke through me. I still dream about the strange buzzing sound of her voice. I found out later that the parents who volunteered at recess that day were telling other parents I was possessed. So, it makes sense that my old friends from the neighborhood were told by their parents that they couldn’t play with me anymore. There was this huge upset at school, parents were pulling their kids out of the classroom and saying I should be put into a separate program.”

Lydia’s eyes held a haunted glow a while before she blinked them clear. “After we finally got my diagnosis, we moved here, away from the bullying that was turning physical. We were able to keep my medical condition limited to need-to-know and I was able to act like a normal kid at school and the few sports I did.” Lydia stretched, reclaiming her stiff hands. “Well, until you came around,” she said with mock seriousness, leaning in close, but then her somber expression flashed into a grin, and she shoved her brother’s shoulder. “You forced me to have a friend again and then literally got into my head and saw all my dark secrets,” she tapped her forehead mischievously.

“Those are something,” Darryl was bemused at the memory, “Can I ask what all that- is?”

“You’re talking about the static?” Terrance asked as he walked into the room, beckoning them to the living room for better seating because they were getting up from the table. He took a seat in his recliner and Darryl spread out on the large section of couch Lydia wasn’t on.

Darryl scratched his head, “It is more like-” he searched, “more like tar.”

“Mnn,” Lydia commented, “It’s both. That’s how my medication affects me. It keeps her more subdued.” She continued when her brothers were silent with intrigue. “I mentioned how I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder, but each of these medications I have been on affected how the two of us function differently. The medication I was on earlier this year was almost opposite this one, which makes us both sluggish with that tar-like substance. Others made it so we couldn’t hear each other. Willow spends most of her time in the back cave-like section of our mind that I cannot go, just like she cannot get all the way to the front where I spend my time. I was taught by an early therapist how to meditate, and that’s when I was able to realize that my mind doesn’t really work like most people’s.” She trailed off, clutching at her borrowed shirt, the material was just so smooth and calming, she found herself tracing the grain of the fabric, lost in thought.

Darryl nestled up against her arm and she glanced over at him, confused for a moment, he suddenly backed off mumbling a demure sorry and she cocked her head in reply.

“Our kind is extremely touch oriented,” Terrance expounded, “my brother more than most.”

“Our brother,” he corrected sheepishly. Darryl was starting to get jittery like his usual self, and Lydia realized something.

“That’s why you can’t sit still, you’re constantly trying not to physically cling to people!”

“Ahh,” he said, stroking his neck awkwardly, turning his face away. “You’re the only one who draws on me like that at school, so I was not as jittery in other classes. You really seemed uncomfortable anytime I got close, so I tried not to.”

Lydia thought she saw a blush growing on his ears and smirked. “That’s just because of your smell.”

His head jerked around, and his face was indeed red, “I don’t stink!” he managed, shocked.

Terrance felt all but forgotten in the corner when Lydia wrinkled her nose and crawled closer toward their brother, sniffing dramatically at his neck. She let out a little snuff of air like she was about to sneeze and droned in a stern voice, “Yup, you reek of the beautiful outdoors and damp forest after rain,” she sat, her smile back, “But nowhere near as strongly as Terrance does! It was so awkward meeting you the first time!” She had briefly turned to Terrance, and in the corner of her eye it almost looked like Darryl was pouting. Turning back, she clarified, “I looked uncomfortable when you came near because it made Willow stir, she recognized the scent from somewhere.”

“Ahh, so it’s your fault Willow broke free.” Terrance mischievously accused his brother.

“No,” Lydia thoughtfully cut in, “It was yours when you took my only close friend, I didn’t have the desire to keep maintaining my hold on her, and she took advantage of that. I stopped running, taking my pills, and spending time outdoors, all things that soothed her or kept her still.”

“Regardless,” Terrance said, suddenly scrubbing his face with a large hand to hide any physical tells his face was making, “We need to sort out why you’re here and an excuse for you to stay if you choose to. I was thinking that you’d need to have come from a small pack, one with little hierarchy, to explain your naiveté over our customs, if there’s a reason you were kicked out there’s a reason for you to be unwelcome here and that’s the hard part.”

“The easiest story is to find her mate,” Darryl suggested.

“That would imply that she wants to socialize, and we don’t want much of that in this group. Otherwise, why not send her to the Spring Gathering?”

The grimace on Darryl’s face reminded Lydia of the last time he made that face. “Is that where you were that week? Trying to find a mate? You looked harrowed.”

Darryl stuck out his tongue and wrinkled his nose, “Not being born from a mated pair makes me less desirable, and even more so because of Alpha’s refusal to claim me, stupid as that is, general consensus is a belief it’s my fault, not his.” Lydia saw his eyes actively darken, and realized it was never a trick of the light before, as she leaned close to his face to see, they suddenly shifted to the light brown she was accustomed to and blinked. “What?”

“Your eyes darkened,”

“That’s Lapu,” Terrance clarified, “both him and Oak have dark colored eyes. You are an extremely rare breed who has the same color eyes as your spirit.”

Lydia made an intrigued frown while nodding slowly.

“What if she’s raised by rogues and wanted to join a real pack!” Darryl suddenly exclaimed. “She’d need a training and initiation period like anyone else, and who else would be the best bet except the one most skilled in mental links and has the strength of an alpha. She’s never been in a pack, so was never kicked out of a pack!” He lifted his eyes to his older brother who looked thoughtful.

“Maybe I was extremely sheltered, kept in a small area until I escaped? I can easily relate to that because of Willow, and it’d explain my lack of knowledge, I finally got fed up. Oh! And if I understand this right, we must explain the anguish yesterday. We can then easily say it was me catching a trail but not knowing how to follow it and just wanting others!” Lydia welcomed the topic change.

A slow smile spread across her brother’s faces as they realized how it was just close enough to the truth to work.