I saw <-----> laying, belly down, on the couch, watching TV. I walked over to the couch and my owner grunted as I hopped onto him and lied down ontop of his back. I saw that my favorite show was on. It was a show about couples having children and the parents arguing whether or not that their child is actually theirs or some other dude's child.

As the climax of the show was coming up, I realized I was making biscuits on <----->'s back. I realized as of lately, he hates when I make biscuits on him, because apparently I'm to rough .

"I appreciate your biscuits, Lucien. But your kneading too hard." he whines. 

He's just jealous I can make better biscuits then he can, with my natural skills.

Jealousy can get him nowhere without practice with me.