The Things I Do To Myself

Waking up this time isn’t filled with comfy beds and gentle breezes.  It’s filled with sharp pain and waves of nausea.  Every scent sends another rolling and gurgling tremor through my stomach.  I’m afraid to open my eyes as my head is pounding and I can feel muscle cramps just below the surface.  Moving would be a very bad idea.

I haven’t woken up feeling this bad since Naka, Troy, Sosaki and I celebrated signing with our first label.  We were so young then and thought we were invincible and our bodies could handle anything we tried.  I think we all learned a valuable lesson that weekend.  Whatever you put in your body, has to come out at some point from some exit point.  At least we stayed in and didn’t get in trouble.  It just took several days to get everything out of our system and we had to still work twelve hours every day.

I feel those cool finders on my forehead again but this time they cause pain.  Jolting, electric pain that goes straight to my stomach as I roll to the edge of the bed and empty whatever was left in my stomach from breakfast.  As quickly as I move and spew, a bucket appears in the target area, catching the partially digested fish and miso.  Luckily, I didn’t get to finish my tea.  That ginger burns more on the way out.

I feel a gentle hand holding my hair back from my face, saving it from being plastered in a puke mask. I nod slightly as the last of my dry heaving subsides as the hand gently pulls my head up while another hand wipes the lingering strings of vomit from my lips.  I’m guided back against the bed as a few tissues are pushed into my hand.  “I’m not going to help you blow your nose.” Naka says with a huff.

I accept the tissues and try to gently blow my nose.  The effort is too much as my head and stomach begin to swim again.  I can only let my cheeks blow up as I try to keep the rising bile from causing another session of dry heaving.  The feeling subsides again and I lower the tissues from my face only to see the pool of dark read blood against the stark white of the tissue.

I can only gape my mouth and stare at the puddle of blood that now seems to be growing as my nose is now freely bleeding.  “Oh damn.  Hold on.”  Naka says as he shoves a hand towel into my hands. “Alright, put that over your nose and just try to relax.”  He gets up and walks to the doors, opening them and looking back and forth down the hall before he yells out, “Chris!  Chris, his nose is bleeding again!”

Naka pulls back into the room, shaking his head and stomping back to the bedside.  I look at him with wide unbelieving eyes.  He scoffs and scrunches up his face.  “Uh, it’s running down your arm, Sobata.  Here, let me help you.” He reaches forward and adjusts the towel so the blood is now being absorbed by the towel and not my clothes.

Before I can get my first question out, a flurry of sound and motion rumbles through the doors.  Naka sighs and flails his hands in my direction.  “Chris!  Where have you been.  He’s bleeding again.  I think he broke something.” 

Naka steps back to reveal Chris.  I assume that Chris is a doctor, or at least I hope she is or she likes to cosplay as a doctor.  The petite woman glares at Naka and waves him away from my bedside.  She sits on the edge of the bed and reaches for the towel while introducing her self.  “Hi Sobata.  I’m Chris, the company doctor, or something.” She smiles and inhales. “Anyway, let me take a look at your face.  Okay?” 

I let her take the towel away, watching as a string of coagulating blood snaps off my nose and flops into the towel. “Well, looks like it’s slowing down and clotting.  You whacked your head pretty hard, from what I can tell.”  She gently presses on the goofball sized  lump on my forehead causing the most intense sudden headache I have ever experienced.

I hiss and pull away from her touch.  “Oh, sorry, sorry.  Yeah.  We should put some ice on that and you definitely need a scan.  I don’t want any blood clots to break free and cause more problems.”  Chris says as she pats my hand and pulls a bottle of pills from her pocket.

She goes to hand me the bottle but stops and looks over her shoulder at Naka.  He notices her gaze and moves closer to the bed.  Turning slightly she reaches back and hands the bottle to Naka.  I roll my eyes, knowing that everyone must think I’m going to hurt myself again or will abuse whatever drug she plans on prescribing.

“Only one pill every six hours.  If he is in unbearable pain, call me.  I mean it, no more than one every six hours.  Set a timer on your phone or something.  This is strong stuff and more than recommended dose could mask symptoms of complications from his episode.”  She must be staring daggers at Naka because he drops his head and utters a quite, “Yes, doctor.”  And I don’t think he is joking.

I feel myself slipping off to sleep or maybe I’m just ready to pass out again.  Chris turns to address me again and can tell my eyes are loosing focus.  She gently taps my cheek and looks closely into my eyes.  “Sobata.  What are you feeling?”  She asks, her minty breath entering my sense, actually calming my rolling stomach a little.

“Uh, just sleepy.  Not like passing out but, I could close my eyes and be asleep easily.”  I answer, slurring a little.  I think nothing of it as I really want her to go away so I can sleep.

“Sobata.  You can sleep but I’m going to start an IV with fluids so you don’t dehydrate from not eating or being awake long enough to drink anything.”  She says while trying to keep my eyes on her.  “Sobata, you have to acknowledge what I’m saying to you.”  She taps my cheeks again and this time I’m annoyed and pull back.

“Yes… IV, my head is throbbing.  Can I have my meds?”  I ask, more slurred than before.  Maybe I don’t need the meds but I bet I wouldn’t wake up and instantly puke if I did take one.

Chris nods and Naka is suddenly in my face with a purple pill and a glass of water. “Pupple?  Am I going to the Matrix?"  I chuckle at my own joke and totally slurred speech as I lick the pill out of Naka’s palm and he helps me with the water.  I get a good mouthful and swallow the pill, smiling and laying back against the pile of pillows behind me.

“Thanks.  Can I sleep now?”  I say with my eyes closed.  Chris pats my arm where she has already put in the catheter and started the IV.  “You are all set, Sobata.”  I hear Chris give some more instructions for my care, one of which is to wake me every two hours. 

Somewhere in my injured mind, I scoff loudly in protest, claiming that I’m going to sleep for a month and then keep Barney chained to my bed for another month.  Feeling satisfied at my declaration, I allow myself to drift into that nothingness of sleep.  As my brain begins to shut down and close off my senses, I hear Naka’s voice trailing off, “Oh really, Sobata?  Does Barney know about your plans for him?”  Again, my mind just assumes Naka is also in my head so that statement isn’t any cause for concern.