Why I Can't Have Anything Nice

I wake slowly from a dreamless sleep.  My body feels warm but sore muscles in my back tell me I didn't sleep well.  I reach out my hands to search beside me for the warm body I believe should be there but my fingers find nothing but cool sheets.  I sigh and sit up, opening my eyes slowly, allowing them to get used to the dim light in the room.

The curtains are drawn closed but I can tell the shoji are open as the constant sea breeze flutter them from time to time allowing sunlight to streak across the floor.  I look to ether side of the bed and see no one else in the sheets with me.  It's probably a good thing, I think to myself.  I was getting too comfortable with one person.  That would eventually cause heartache and pain for the both of us.

Shaking my head to rattle the thought out of my brain, I inhale deeply and almost forget to exhale as the scent of bacon, eggs and toast fill my lungs.  Crawling to the end of the bed, discarding the sheets that keep me modest in my own room, I nearly fall to the floor in my haste to view the table in the connected office.

It's empty.  I let out a disappointed huff and roll over, spreading my arms and legs out like a starfish.    I'm startled into realization of my completely naked self when I hear that wall of a man clear his throat from the other side of the room.  Rolling my head to the side, allowing it to fall off the side of the futon, I see none other than Barney, holding a pot of tea and a large mug.

He raises an eyebrow (bout time I got that reaction out of him) and scans my awkwardly positioned body.  "Uh, I brought in breakfast.  That is if you are feeling up to eating."  He puts the pot back on the cart and takes a step towards me.  I jolt upright, making my head spin so I reach out to steady myself and realize a second too late that I'm on the edge of the futon as I tumble to the floor.  I land with my face on the tatami, arms stuck under me and my naked ass in the air.

"Itai!  Fuck!"  I exclaim, trying to right myself or at least get my ass out of his firing range.  I hear Barney approaching and his hysterical laughter as he tries to help me to my feet.  I rip my arm from him, trip over my own feet and end up on my back, right back on the futon where I started.

Barney steps back and gets himself under control.  Holding out my robe, he takes a tentative step forward, reaching out like he's afraid to scare me again.  I scoff and rip the robe out of his hands.  I stand up in the middle of the mattress, and flamboyantly swing the robe around so it lands over my shoulders.  With a triumphant flip of my head, I storm off the futon and straight to the ensuite, closing the shoji with just a little too much force as it bounces against the door frame a few times before the metallic click of the magnets can be heard as they settle against each other.

I sigh once the shoji is fully closed.  I don’t know what's wrong with me when Barney is around.  I want to tease him but I think I want him to tease me more.  My confidence turns to mush and I act like some teenager with a crush on the volleyball team's captain.  I turn and look at the closed shoji, contemplating going back into that room and apologizing to Barney for my behavior and thanking him for brining breakfast.

That is until I hear Barney, laughing, uncontrolled.  I even think I can hear him slapping his knee.  My anger rises again as thoughts of busting through the shoji and ordering him out of my room flash through my head.  I take a few deep breaths and calm down enough for my mature adult brain to take over.  I shake my head and head for the closet.

Once dressed, I check my hair in the mirror, taming some of the bedhead from the last few days of being ill and thoroughly worked over by Barney.  I grin at my reflection, thinking of Barney and last night as my little mind begins to get ideas and tries to make itself known.  As I'm contemplating letting the little guy take over but, my stomach has other ideas and rumbles loudly. 

Food first, other things later.

I open the shoji to view Barney sitting on the couch facing the fireplace while holding a steaming mug and reading the paper.  How domestic of him, I think, wanting to make some snide comment about domesticating him so quickly when I realize that he looks very good in that scene.  I can imagine myself sitting next to him, enjoying my tea while listening to him read articles of interest.

"Fuck, fucking, fuck fucks." I say quietly as I slowly insert myself into the domestic scene I was painting in my mind.

Barney looks up and lays the newspaper down on his lap.  "Did you say something, Sobata?"  He tilts his head to the side like some big puppy.  I shake my head and change course for the serving cart and grab one of the prepared plates before sitting down in the armchair on the other side of the coffee table from Barney.

"No, must have been my stomach.  Thank you for breakfast.  I don't think could have made it much longer without some real sustenance."  I smile sweetly at Barney and then totally ignore anything else he says as I devour the food on my plate.  I barely feel satisfied but place my plate on the coffee table preparing to rise and make myself a mug of tea when one suddenly appears next to my empty plate.

"Green tea, honey, coconut milk, dash of turmeric, cinnamon and ginger and still hot enough to burn the skin."  Barney backs away and begins cleaning up his plate, moving the empty dishes to the serving cart.  I can only stare at him as he tidies up like a seasoned butler.  And, for some reason, I can't be kind this morning.

"Don’t you have something else you should be doing other than harassing me?"  I pick up the mug, cupping it in my hands, allowing the heat to seep in.  I always seem to be cold, my hands especially.  Hot mugs have been my salvation as of late.  I blow across the top of the mug, watching the steam swirl and dissipate.  I can see that Barney hasn't moved since I spoke so I raise my eyes to look at his face from behind the mug cradled in my hands.

I can't read his expression but I'm fairly certain I have said something that has pierced his armor and damaged him in some way.  I want to recant or make some other statement that explains why I'm being such an ass but I don't. 

Barney turns back to the cart and finishes stacking the used dishes.  "I thought you enjoyed my company.  But no matter, I'm assigned to keep you safe, nothing more. I'm sorry if I have overstepped.  I will take care of the breakfast cart and return to my post."  He pauses and turns just enough for me to see his face. "I will be right outside the doors, if you require any assistance with anything.  Sir." 

The last word is spit out in disgust and disappointment as Barney pushes the cart out the open doors pausing just long enough to pull them closed.  The clacking of the doors closing echoes in my ears like the closing of a prison cell door.