There was a small change in Gage’s demeanor from the sound of Asher’s name, the hard stare that I was slowly learning to dread had made an appearance once more. 

“I didn’t know that the new kid was in your creative writing class” Gage said, a frown pulling at his lips. 

“Yeah, since the beginning of the school year. Does that matter?” I asked, the hair on my body standing on end as I felt myself go on the defensive. 

“No, you just never told me,” He replied. 

“Well we would have to talk more for that to happen, Gage” I stated, a heat from my stomach filled my body. 

I was getting angry. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He blurted out, his body fully turning to me in his seat.

“How are you supposed to know anything when we don’t see each other long enough for us to talk about anything? Ever since that day with the football tryout, you've been acting distant and like you don’t want to talk to me” I snapped.

“That’s not true! It's not my fault that you were all goo goo ga ga over the new guy during his tryout” 

“I was not!”

“I saw you staring, Tristan. Don’t act like we didn’t make eye contact after everything was said and done” Gage’s voice started to get louder. 

“Why does that matter?! So I watched him tryout, you know if we would have had our talk like you promised then maybe that wouldn’t have happened” I shouted back.

“What promise?” he asked, surprised. 

“The promise to talk about us!” I replied. 

“Us?” 

“Don’t play dumb now, Gage. Cross your heart and hope to die, remember?” I stated. 

The realization hit him instantly, his anger backing down as he looked away from me. His withdrawal made the blood in my body boil, the warmth in my stomach becoming a full fledged fire in the heat of the moment. 

“Yeah the talk you promised me weeks ago, and it's almost October and you still have yet to bring it up once. You have avoided it and lately you have made it impossible to bring it up. When we have driven home, you don’t talk, you barely look at me, and you've been acting differently. Hell, you don’t even hug me anymore.” I explained, my jaw clenching in rage from my words. 

I needed this. 

The tidal wave of emotions that had released in that moment was all the things I had bottled up, kept to myself because I felt like I needed my best friend to process them. But, I was wrong. Gage had made them worse, and, in that moment, I threw it all at him, laying it all out in the open for him to see. For him to see what he had done to me, see all the self doubt and anxiety I had contained for so long. Yet, he still wouldn’t look at me. 

“Well? Are you not going to say anything?” I asked, feeling my rage start to build more. 

“What do you want me to say?” he muttered, still not looking at me. 

“Say something,” I replied,  “Anything.”

“You’re my best friend, Tristan” Gage stated matter-of-factly. 

“And?” 

“And what? What else is there?” 

I look at him shocked, “Just your best friend?”

“Is that not good enough?” he stated, his words slapping me across my face. 

Gage finally looked at me, his chocolate eyes staring deep into my soul silently saying to ‘drop it’ as I felt my heart sink. Was this the answer he had kept from me this whole time? Why did this not feel right? 

“Is there someone else?” I asked, my voice on the brink of cracking. 

“Someone else? You mean like a girl?” He replied, his hard stare returning. 

The sound of the word ‘girl’ left a strange taste in my mouth that I couldn’t put a finger on, but I knew I didn't like it. I wanted to cringe from the flavor. 

“Well, is there?” I asked. 

“A girl? I don’t know, I’ve been too distracted to even think about that. What about you?”

The question threw me off guard, “What?”

“Don’t you think any of the girls at school are cute? Like at all?” he asked, his words feeling like an interrogation.

“I don’t know,” I muttered. 

“What does that even mean?” Gage’s eyes looked directly into mine. 

“I’ve never paid much attention to anyone.” 

“Like you’re too busy with school to notice them?”

“No, like I’ve never given it much thought” 

“Well, why not?

“I just haven’t” 

“Tristan, do you even like girls?”Gage asked, leaning into me. 

The question shook me to my core. Did I even like girls to even consider them as an option? Could I even like girls if I still had weird feelings for Gage? I took a step away from Gage at that moment, feeling my body become antsy like I wanted to run from there and never look back. But, what kind of answer would that give Gage?

“Maybe? I don’t know? Like I said I don’t spend my time thinking about it” I answered. 

“It’s just a simple question, Tristan,” Gage softly said, his face looking as if he anticipated a specific answer. 

“Is it that important?” I asked, my eyes looking to the floor for comfort. 

“I don’t know,” Gage sighed.

I didn’t like that answer, “Then, why are you pushing it?”

“Maybe it’ll get us somewhere.” 

Get us somewhere?

“I think, I’m gonna go” I said, making a beeline for my book and my backpack. 

“Wait, what do you mean?” He sputtered, the sound of his chair moving as he followed behind me. 

I grabbed my book, shoving it into my backpack as quickly as I could, the overwhelming presence of Gage looming behind me, “I forgot that I need to do something at home that I forgot about, so I’m gonna go.”

“You didn’t say anything earlier about it.” Gage said, following me as I tried to make my way to his front door. 

“Like I said. I forgot” I replied, refusing to look at him with the fear that if I did, I would stay.

“Do you want me to drive you?” he hastily asked. 

“No, it’s fine”

“Wait!” My feet stopped in their tracks as I stared at his closed front door.

I refused to look down at the warm hand that firmly clasped my wrist. 

“Gage, I’ve got to go. I already said I was fine,” my eyes firmly planted on the door. It was safe. An escape from him and my potential breakdown. 

“I don’t want anything to change between us, Tristan” He pleaded, his hand softly squeezing my wrist. 

“I said everything’s fine, I’ve got to go.” My words felt clipped as they left my mouth, my hand reaching for the door. 

“So, I’ll see you Friday at Kay’s then?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Promise?”

With the sound of that word my soul shattered like glass, “And hope to die.”

The hand around my wrist loosened at my reply, allowing for me to finally open the door and walk out into the crisp fall air of Gage’s neighborhood. I closed the door behind me, making quick work of Gage’s driveway before reaching the end of his street, my feet pushing me forward. It had been a long time since I had walked home, even from Gage’s house, it was something that felt even more foreign to me than the situation that just happened. My vision blurred as I walked, my surroundings became a mesh of colors that seemed to blend together, even when I blinked. 

When did I start crying?

I made no moves to wipe my face, realizing that the walk home would give me enough time to let everything out. All my frustrations. Bare everything to the world, if even for just a moment. My tears felt warm against my face as I faced the cool air of the oncoming evening, another first of experiences in my life. Another thing plagued the back of my mind as I walked further and further away from the home of my best friend. 

I never answered his question.