There was no way he was. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, trying to control the tone of my voice. 

I didn’t trust myself to contain the slight panic that had filled me in that moment. But the panic I felt was different than before, it felt like I was filled with an unknown form of energy. 

Why did it feel like excitement?

Was I excited by the possibility that Asher was being playful with me?

In that moment I realized that there was a chance this kind of excitement was not good for my mental health, yet I didn’t want it to stop. 

“When I met you, it felt as if you were wearing an impenetrable mask that was meant to keep something away. What I want to know is, is it to keep the real you separate from everyone else? Or are you trying to keep everyone out except specific people?” Asher explained.

Was I that easy to read? 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I think you’re just seeing things, and assuming things that are not real” I sputtered, wanting to desperately work on my prompt, so I did have to dive deeper into the conversation, “We really need to focus on our prompts.”

“Keep telling yourself that Tristan” Asher grinned, a light blush flaring across my cheeks at the sight of it. 

“Now what do you mean by that?” I asked, trying to close myself off from the conversation, “I’m not in denial about something I know is not true.” 

“I’m just saying, those were just observations from the other day and from watching you interact with the others. I’m not trying to say you’re in denial, but that maybe you should try different things,” He shrugged, his eyes peering deeply into mine, “Maybe it’ll change the way you view stuff.”

That statement shocked me. There Asher was saying things that caused my heart to pound in my chest, the unknown in his words instilling in me an excitement that not even Gage had made me feel. Sure, Gage had made me feel happy and the love that I felt for him, but it was not the same as when Asher spoke to me. Again, just what was Asher Samuels?

Before I could respond, Asher cut me off with a question I had not expected, “Why don’t you join me and the football team for lunch today?”

I stared at Asher like a deer in headlights in that moment, my mouth opening and closing due to the fact that my brain could not form words. I had never sat with anyone—let alone anyone I didn’t fully know— other than Gage and the soccer team in the cafeteria. His question had left me speechless, a gaping fish that could not answer his question or process any forms of thought at that period of time.

“You good, Tristan?” Asher chuckled, the sound of his laughter causing a warmth to build in the pit of my stomach, “It was more like a suggestion dude, you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to. You can tell me no, if you’re not comfortable with it.” 

I stared once more at the chuckling guy in front of me, my mouth finally finding the will to close on its own. He was right. I could have said no, I could have disregarded everything he was saying, but somewhere in the back of my mind I didn’t want to. Asher had surprised me with his suggestion, yet he had placed the choice in my lap, if I had wanted to take him up on his offer or decline due to the abruptness of it all. 

I was conflicted. 

My thoughts were going a million miles an hour at the outcomes that could come from me deviating from my normal routines; it was a lot to process all at once. What surprised me the most was that my internal anxiety had not reared its ugly head as I stared into Asher’s dark eyes. I felt light and free, possibly because I was given a choice instead of a suggestion that was what was already planned from the start. The energy from before rushed through me, filling me with a sense of clarity that seemed to relax me as my mind had already made its decision. 

“Is it okay if I think about it?” I answered, the sound of my words catching Asher off guard. 

“Yeah. Of course. The ball’s in your court honestly” Asher said, perking up at my answer. 

A whisper of a smile pulled at my lips, “Yeah, I’ll let you know when I make a decision. I mean it's just lunch right?” 

“Right,” He nodded with a grin, “Just lunch.”

With that answer I turned my attention to my computer, a small smile grazing my lips as I continued on with my writing prompt. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Asher watching me with a grin on his face, the feeling of his eyes made my skin feel warm once more. He turned to his desktop, his eyes finally leaving the side of my face to continue on with his own prompt. 

I played the conversation once more in my head, the same energy from before filling my body again. I felt like I needed to get up and go for a run to get rid of the constant feeling of joy that radiated from within me, something, I knew, was out of character for me. Unlike the characters from my prompt, I was happy, yet I was confused on what everything still meant. Was I reading too much into Asher’s sincerity? Why did Gage’s words, in that moment, feel so insignificant? The night and day that were Asher and Gage left me at a loss for words; their differences left me at a standstill. 

I felt, even behind my smile, like things were not what they seemed and that I needed to figure out what direction my relationship with Gage was going before I could discover what kind of person Asher was. The thought of change scared me. Scared the hell out of me. Everything was happening all at once and I didn’t know where things would fall once they were in place.

But above all things, even with my thoughts of Gage, one question stood at the forefront of my mind.

Why did I feel like I was back to square one?