“Human mode” blocked only human sized creatures, so large animals and humans would never get through no matter the setting. “Dog mode” also blocked medium sized animals, like wolfs, but allowed small animals (human babies included, apparently). And finally, “Bird mode” blocked small animals too, including birds, babies, and probably everything else.
It was a weird setup, and I couldn't understand it’s purpose, but that theory made sense. I couldn’t care less about the meaning, either. I’m a practical guy, and my discovery had very practical results: Free food.
I could just turn bird mode on whenever I wanted, and chicken would fall out of the sky. Maybe not chicken, but it was close enough.
The main ingredient of a bodybuilder’s diet was acquired, and in infinite supply too, I couldn’t hope for a better blessing. Lack of water was a problem, but until it rained, I could drink bird blood, it wasn’t that bad.
I could live like this forever. Eating chicken all day, bodybuilding with Toba and practicing with my new sword, eventually I could even try studying that Japanese book so I could learn this world’s language.
Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself, I haven’t even brought back the first catch yet, I should stop daydreaming so much, I’m the provider after all, and I just landed a new job on the recently founded bird collider.
I walked back to the tower with my catch in hands and signaled for Toba to follow me. I hadn’t found a kitchen or even a room to sleep in that tower, so we would cook outside. Cutting it open went much smoother than usual thanks to the skinning knife I found, and lighting the fire was also a piece of cake with a tinderbox I grabbed from the second floor.
I carefully cut open the bird and spatchcocked it, another technique I learned from YouTube, then I skewered it with sticks and placed it above the fire. We were hungry and I didn’t mind a little char on my chicken, so I placed it quite low.
We watched the fire lick our food intently, the only sounds we were making were the rumbling of our stomachs. I took the time to sort out some feathers however, since this particular bird had a bluish hue to it that was very pleasing to the eyes.
Our food was done just as I envisioned it, a little charred but not too much, crispy skin, and an incredible smell. I didn’t have the courage to test if any of the ingredients in the lab on the second floor were salt, but the fat and char of the skin would no doubt be enough flavor for my starving taste buds.
Every prediction I made was spot on, this was something I missed a lot since being born here. I was a fat kid, so food was always a major part of my enjoyment of life, and now I finally had a proper meal after all this time, it was truly delicious.
Don’t get me wrong, the fish and rabbit meat weren’t bad, but they couldn’t compare to this bird, the rabbit was just too tough, and the fish was too bland.
I patiently enjoyed my half, feeling every bit of flavor, while Toba devoured his share in a couple seconds.
Thank you, mister tower owner, this barrier you made is incredible.
***
I woke up, took off my improvised blanket, and started my stretching routine.
So, Toba’s already up as always, huh? Probably practicing with the sword again.
As I finish my little exercises, I head downstairs to make breakfast.
What’s for breakfast, you ask? Chicken and rainwater, of course. But don’t worry, we boil our water here at BBT hotel, and our chicken is world famous.
As I suspected, Toba was training with the gladius outside, I didn’t know much about sword fighting myself, but I at least taught him how to hold it and stand properly.
“Toba, food” I called to him as I left the tower, I was making almost no progress on learning this world’s language, but there was no reason why I shouldn’t teach him English at least.
Why English and not Portuguese? Well, if there was a Japanese person here, there could be others. It would be more useful for him to learn the closest thing we had to a universal language of my old world.
He stopped swinging his sword, and with great effort, he looked at me and managed to say “Toba… Help… Brother”
After six months living in this tower, that was about the extent of what he was able to say and understand. During this time, I realized I hadn’t though of a name for myself yet, but since I already taught him to call me “brother” I didn’t want to confuse him.
Still, I really need to think of a name for myself sometime soon, it’s not like anyone is going to give me one.
With his help I collected a couple of birds and we started plucking their feathers off. One wouldn’t be enough anymore, we were growing up fast, strangely fast, in fact, and our hunger was increasing accordingly.
There were no mirrors in the tower, but Toba already looked 3 years old, and I wasn’t much shorter than him, so I imagine I also had about that same apparent age, even having lived only a year and a half.
Our strength was also abnormal, I could do squats while carrying Toba on my back, do pull-ups with him grabbing onto my feet, and even do one handed push-ups. Needless to say, my brother could do everything that I did, with only half the effort.
We trained six days a week just like I used to, and I also started dividing our workouts. We had three training routines that we would alternate between, repeating one each time and resting on the seventh day.
Workout A: push-ups, dips, and sword training
Workout B: squats and split squats
Workout C: pull-ups, abs, and sword training
When we weren’t training, I was either trying to cast spells with the multiple books and scrolls that I found or trying to make sense of the book with Japanese letters in it.
The spell casting wasn’t going great, every time I had the same result: I felt power gathering in my body as I mimicked each step, but at the last moment there was always a little pause and I would throw up.
Not only that, I also couldn’t do it more than once a week for some reason. When I tried, I felt nothing happening, like I didn’t have any magic whatsoever, so my training was limited. In the beginning I always fainted for a moment after puking, but as I grew accustomed to the feeling, I started to manage staying up when it happened.
The drawings I found on the books were incredible, however. There were all sorts of spells, not only fireballs and ice spikes, but also clouds of black smoke, huge spiderwebs, and barriers that reflected all kinds of things. I didn’t know why I kept failing every time, and why I could only try once a week, but I wouldn’t give up.
The Japanese book was going even worse, I could make out some words, but I remembered almost nothing from the time I tried learning it, and even back then I didn’t learn much anyway.
After much effort, I learned how to say “I am” and “he is”. Just trying to understand which words in this world’s language corresponded to the ones in Japanese was almost impossible for me. The book seemed to be intended for teaching Japanese to someone from here, not the other way around.
I’ll be honest, the studying didn’t suit me, but it was a peaceful life, disregarding the fact that we couldn’t leave, or we’d become tiger food.
Ok, all done with the plucking. Now I just need to open these guys up, skewer the offal, roast them nicely, and like I imagine the owner of this place would say: itadaki-
“Ah!”
We heard a voice, and in a flash, Toba ran to the tower, I have never seen he move so fast. He looked desperately at me, not understanding why I wasn’t going with him.
But I wasn’t going anywhere, because what I heard was a woman’s voice. A gentle, surprised gasp of a young woman. I went a year and a half without even smelling another human, all I saw everyday was Toba scratching his ass, no way in hell I would run away.
Sorry brother, I don’t care if she’ll kill us, I went too long without this.
As I turned around, my eyes swelled with tears. It was a young woman, couldn’t be much older than 18 years old, she had pink hair that almost touched her shoulders, with slight curls glistening in the sun. She seemed to be on the shorter side, but I couldn’t tell for sure, since I’m a toddler and all.
Her eyes were an almost golden shade of hazel. I couldn’t tell much from her body since she was wearing a closed robe and was clutching her pointy hat in front of her, but she couldn’t fool me, she had nice breasts, maybe C cup even.
Her dark blue robes, gnarled wood staff, and pointy hat made her the perfect picture of a young wizard from a fantasy manga, and her oversized backpack added an adventurer spice to that.
She was looking at the tower with a curious look, completely ignoring me, and then she started touching the outer barrier with her staff.
Aah, I remember now, she can’t see me or the tower, that illusion must override everything with the image of the old shack.
I had also just realized that another bird was lying on the ground, probably fell just before I saw her. My guess is that she saw it fly through the first barrier and disappear, and that’s what caught her attention. Either way, I couldn’t waste this opportunity.
I used the key to go through the first barrier, but as I did, I started to wonder if it was really the right choice.
Won’t she be scared and run away if I just appear out of thin air? I must look really weird right now and I also haven’t bathed in a while, since I depend on the rain to do it…
But I couldn’t stay idle either, or I would miss my chance, so I passed through the barrier from the other side and went around it, hoping that she wouldn’t mistake me for a monster and kill me.
To say I was scared would be an understatement, she was the first actual person I saw in this world, and I had no idea on how she would react. She looked gorgeous and didn’t seem like a bad person, but my only experience with people so far was being abandoned in a forest to die, so anything could happen.
Ok, here we go. Please don’t kill me, oneesan…
She was still testing the barrier and hadn’t noticed me yet, so I tried to put on the cutest, most helpless face I could, and I lightly pulled on her robe to get her attention.
She turned around with a surprised face, and then froze for a moment while looking straight at me.
SHIT! She’s going to end me for sure!
My sorry expression changed into a fearful one, but as I turned to run away, she suddenly grabbed me by my ribs and lifted me up in the air. She let out a little gasp of joy while spinning around with me and said something in a language I didn’t understand.
What the fuck are you saying lady, put me down.
She paused again while giving me a weirdly pleased look and proceeded to bury my head in her bosom, hugging me tight like a kid who just received her new teddy bear.
Never mind, we can stay like this.
She kept hugging me for a while but then started carrying me away from the tower (or old shack in this case). She must have thought I was a lost child in the woods or something, but while finally getting to civilization was an interesting idea, I couldn’t leave Toba alone, so I shook myself off from her beautiful arms and landed on the ground.
Sorry lady, but I have a brother to take care of.
If she took Toba with us, I could accept going with her. If I left him alone, he could probably survive by this point, but he would never learn to read or write, so I couldn’t abandon him like that, no matter how good this woman smelled.
She looked startled by my sudden action, I must have looked really pleased before, so I can understand that, but this was about family. I took the key I had with me and showed it to her, before using it to cross the barrier once and return.
She looked amazed; she froze again for even longer this time. Which made me think that whatever she was, she couldn’t be an adventurer after all, a reflex like that could kill you in a dangerous situation. “Fight or flight” does not include “freeze in place”.
That gave me enough time to realize I should probably
introduce myself; it was the only thing I managed to learn from her language
after all.
Crap, I haven’t thought of a name yet, have I? I need to come up with something quick. Should I choose a warrior name or a mage name? I haven’t had any luck with magic yet, and I found a cool sword, so warrior it is.
“I… Am… Cona…”
Maybe I should give up and end myself right here, I can’t choose a normal name to save my life, can I? Well, I suppose for anyone outside of Angola or a few people in Brazil, it’s just a variation of Conan. Yeah, it should work, but why can’t I be serious for once? My brother’s name means ass and mine means cunt, I can’t go on like this.
She snapped out of her shock but had a puzzled face now.
Maybe I said it wrong? Whatever, she’s cute, I’ll bring her home.
I extended my hand to her, she hesitated a little, still confused, but she took my offer. While holding her hand, I pierced the barrier again with the key, and we passed through. The illusion still took effect, so she was probably wondering why a wooden shack was so protected, but she would be amazed soon enough.
As we passed through the first barrier, her face lit up with excitement. There it was in all it’s glory, our little base of operations. I stopped to grab the sword Toba had left and entered the tower with her. The whole time she was mumbling to herself in that weird language.
Toba was watching us from atop the stairs, he probably won’t be so afraid if he sees that I trust her. I let go of her hand for a moment and called Toba closer, my heart was racing.
What if he’s so ugly that she runs away? I did my best to make him look “human”, so despite his eye and mouth, he looked like a regular animal hybrid to me (well, I say regular but that’s because of years and years of anime and manga). Maybe in this world they shunned his race though, whatever race he was.
My worries were evaporated as she gave the most high-pitched scream I ever heard and ran straight to Toba. The poor guy tried to run away with all his might, but he wasn’t fast enough. He was now getting the “oneesan treatment” I was given before, while looking at me like he just saw a ghost, begging for help.
Be grateful you little bastard.
She must have seen my jealous face, because soon enough I was also lifted up, and we were now both in her arms.
I have no idea where this is going, but after sleeping on the floor for so long, I now have two premium pillows. You won’t hear any complaints from me.
Cona Stats
8 weighted pull ups
6 weighted squats
15 weighted push-ups
30 sword swings
Toba Stats
15 weighted pull ups
10 weighted squats
20 weighted push-ups
More sword swings than I have the patience to count
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