Nadia
“We need to talk.” Silva says, marching up to me after training. She somehow found my floor, and found me leaning against the door to my room, arms folded across my chest. This is the first time ever, in the two and a half years of knowing her, that she’s ever approached me so fearlessly.
“Whatever about?” I ask with mock enthusiasm, sliding my keycard into the slot. The door opens with a click.
“Aoife.”
“I have nothing to say.”
“Well I do!” She yells, slamming the door open so I can’t close it behind me. “What the fuck did you tell her?”
“Tell her? I didn’t tell her anything.”
“She’s been ignoring me for days now. It’s the only logical explanation.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. Silva is an idiot sometimes.
“The only logical explanation? You think the only way she would find out your feelings for her was from my saying so? She has eyes!” I laugh humorlessly.
Silva slams her fist down on the counter, rattling the silverway and glasses stacked neatly on the surface. I turn, about to tell her off. But I pause. Her dark eyes have tears in them. Her lip, peeled raw, is quivering like she’s about to cry.
I hate weakness.
“You’re an asshole. Do you know that?” She sobs. I shift uncomfortably on the balls of my feet.
“I’m telling the truth. I didn’t tell her anything. Has it ever struck you how obvious you were being?”
“You want to talk to me about obvious?” She shouts, tears heavy in her voice. “You really don’t think I haven’t noticed? You look at her the same way! You love her the same way!”
“Love?” I ask, reeling. “I don’t love her.”
“Of course you do!” Silva screams. The sound rings across my room, bounces in my skull, echoing again and again until I’m forced into silence. She wipes at her tears, sniffling into her sleeve. “Of course you do,” she cries, softly now. I’m stupefied, standing motionless as she does. “Nadia, you may do a better job of hiding it from everyone else, from her too. But I see right through you. I know you have a heart beneath your indifference. I know that it’s hurting. It’s so obvious the feelings you have for Aoife. The only difference between us, between our affection… is that she doesn’t return mine.”
Before I can open my mouth, Silva strides out of the room, slamming the door behind her. I can’t find my voice. I can’t trust it. Because maybe… maybe she’s right. Love. Have I ever thought it was possible for me to love?
No. Never.
Never.
***
I find her by the lake, wading knee-deep in the water. She loves the water, so much that I'm conviced she's half fish. I, on the other hand, have always been more of a city girl.
She waves gallantly with both arms at the sight of me. I pretend my heart doesn’t lift. Still. After all this time.
“Nad-ia~” she sings, her voice a song in and of itself. When I get closer I notice she’s stripped down to her undergarments. A wild blush seizes hold of my whole body in a way I’ve never felt before. My skin tingles, hot to the touch. Something aches in my stomach. Desire.
“Where are your clothes?” I ask, flustered but desperately trying to hide it. Aoife giggles and splashes water at me when I’m near enough. She may look like an angel, especially bathed in moonlight, but I know she’s a devil in disguise.
“What?” She says innocently. “I’m still clothed.”
“B-Barely,” I sputter, averting my eyes when I’m closer.
A sudden gust of wind pulls me closer and I stumble nearer toward the river bank. Like a trail, sprouts of spider lilies begin blooming in front of me, wilting when I get closer.
I sneak another glance. Her red hair curls around her shoulders, setting her pale shoulders ablaze beneath the light of night. She’s thin but muscle hugs her every curve. She’s strong. Stronger than anyone in this division. She’s smart too. Perhaps smarter than me. Definitely smarter than me.
She splashes more and more the closer I get, until my black uniform is nearly soaked. I’m too captivated by her glowing skin, the violent red of her lips and hair, to notice anything else. She catches me staring, her smile suddenly shy. She runs a slender hand through her hair, wringing the water from it. She looks like a nymph. Or a siren.
“Spin me again, Nadia.”
She’s the only one who makes me like the sound of my own name. She’s the only one who I allow to say it with such gall.
She twirls in the water like a marionette. Despite how hard I try, I cannot mimic her grace nor beauty in her actions. She just has a way of moving through space like liquid, like air itself.
“I love your name,” she says with a sigh, dancing closer to the shore, this time on her own. I wrinkle my nose.
“It’s a name of weakness. I’ve never liked it.” Besides when it comes from your mouth.
“It means hope.”
“Or fragility.”
Aoife is close enough now to touch. My eyes wander, though I try to keep myself in check. But I can’t help myself. As long as I keep my hands to myself, I can sneak a glance, right?
Her long lashes dust her cheeks as she blinks. Her rosey lips bite back a smile. She wraps her arms around herself, covering her chest and white bra.
“My Nadia, always a pessimist.” Her words echo through my skull. My Nadia. My Nadia.
“But a strong one.”
“Yes, yes,” she laughs. My strong knight in shining armor. Bravest in all the land. Second to none.”
“Second to you,” I add, lowly. Aoife blinks in surprise, her cheeks a beautiful pink as she does. She smiles, shy once more.
In some imprudent act of impulsiveness I kick off my shoes and roll up the sleeves of my pants, stepping barefoot into the cold water. She doesn’t back away as I step closer. She holds her ground, even as water pushes past our knees and my fingers gently unwrap hers from her arms. I guide her hands away from herself, drink her in now that she’s no longer trying to hide from me.
“What, Brooks?” I ask through a sly smirk. “Cat got your tongue?”
Her blush begins to spread. I comb my fingers through her hair, tucking a lock behind her ear. I’m so acutely aware of our closeness, the way I can feel the heat of her body temperature even through this distance, through my clothes.
“A little birdy told me you got promoted,” I say, my voice low and gentle.
“Barely,” she laughs, making my own face feel hot now. “One stripe, that’s all.”
“You’re an instructor now. That’s nothing to scoff at.”
“Says the future councilman.”
“I merely take notes and serve coffee,” I grumble. She grabs my shoulders tight. My breath hitches.
“But you won’t always. You’ll do incredible things, Nadia. I know it.”
The determination in her eyes almost makes me feel guilty… guilty for not telling her the whole truth. My real plan. Or my motives.
“You have an awful lot of faith in an intern.”
“Because I know you’re going to make a change in this world, Nadia. I know that you will sacrifice what you must for what you believe is right.” I frown, taken aback by her clarity. There’s no way she knows, right? But what if she does? No, I cannot think like that.
“I bet you say that to all the ladies,” I tease, swallowing my heart. I expect a jab at me, a tease in return. But her smile, timid now, only warms. She leans closer, cups my face in her palm.
“Just you.”
“Did you call me out here on my birthday just to tell me that?” I ask nervously, trying to bring the humor back to the conversation.
“No, I called you to give you your gift, dummy. It’s your twenty first. It’s a big deal.”
I do a quick scan of her half-naked body, swallowing hard.
“And wha-what would that be?”
“Close your eyes.”
I look at her skeptically. “Why?”
“Oh come on, it wouldn’t be a surprise if I tell you!”
“But… why?”
She locks eyes with me, her hazel green sharp in the moonlight. Like seaglass.
“Do you trust me, Nadia?”
“More than anything.” And it’s the truth.
“Then close your eyes.”
So I do. She’s quiet for a while, a short while. I only hear her soft breathing, feel her hands steadying themselves on my shoulders. I’m grateful for the weight of them, without it I’m sure I’d fall from this dizzy feeling.
“Happy birthday, Councilman.”
And lightly, so lightly I’m convinced I may have imagined it, a warmth is brushed against my lips, silencing every racing thought in my head if just for a moment. A single second.
I stay frozen for a stretch of eternity, unable to wrap my head around what just happened. But, when I finally open my eyes, she’s gone. Carried away by the wind.
I’m alone, barefoot in the water, my head spinning and the slight taste of strawberry sugar tingling on the tip of my tongue. The ache in my stomach burrowing so deep I can hardly breathe.
***
Comments (0)
See all