Jeremy's POV:

"Just make sure they are in bed by eight. Agnes has a piano lesson tomorrow morning and she needs to be fully rested. They both need to say their prayers before they go to sleep, and I think you should do that with both of them." Stephanie looks me up and down, not hiding her disgust. "Dad talked to me and I think you could use the extra prayers."

It's been two days since I last saw Amanda, two days since my confession to Father Peter, and two days since the welts on my back were brought to life. Oh, and also two days since I accidentally saw Carter again and ran away.

He's been living in my mind and won't leave me alone, no matter how much I pray or try to think of other things.

Stephanie and her husband, Grant, are attending a church event and I was volunteered to babysit by Mom.

She wants me to spend more time with my niece and nephew because they're true holy children and they know all of their prayers and follow God's teachings to the tee.

Stephanie was really worried I'd taint her kids, but Dad assured her it would be good for me and that I'd take good care of them. And hopefully wouldn't ruin them.

It's not like babysitting them will be really hard; the two are quiet and behave very well. They're not allowed to watch television unless it's the channel that always has mass playing.

"We will be perfectly fine," I assure her, trying to fight the urge to roll my eyes at her.

I understand that I sinned, but it's frustrating that everyone has to hold it over my head. It's even more frustrating that it has become public knowledge in my family that I committed a terrible sin and they're all shunning me for it, except for my sister Jackie and her boyfriend. I've gotten daily texts to remember to pray and see Father Peter to ask for forgiveness again.

I haven't gone back yet because of my shame.

Honestly, I don't want to go back until I can chase the thoughts of Carter away. I'm not sure when that will be, but I hope it's soon.

I'm personally a hit against the fact that Agnes has a piano lesson; she's only two and half and Jordan, her brother, is just over a year old. Not that I'm too surprised; my sister wants her kids to be the overachievers that are at the top of their classes but never go anywhere because Agnes will probably be married when she turns eighteen just like her mom.

In my parent's eyes, Jackie is behind because she's nineteen and hasn't gotten married to Vincent yet. However, he wasn't raised in the church the same way so I wouldn't count on them getting married for a few years, if not longer.

Maybe then I won't be the only disappointment in the family. I'll still be the biggest disgrace, and it may sound selfish, but at least I won't be alone.

I pick Jordan up when he starts crying on the blanket and Agnes is playing with a puzzle toy on the floor.

My phone dings and I see a message from an unknown number.

Unknown: is this jeremy?

Me: Depends on who's asking.

Unknown: amanda gave me your number

Me: That does not narrow it down.

Unknown: we made out at a party last weekend. i was the one without a shirt on :)

My face burns red and I put my phone down and focus on my smiling nephew who's giggling as I hold him. Irritating enough, my phone keeps dinging with new messages that I try to resist checking.

I don't know why I don't just block him, but my finger won't press that damn button that'll give me a fraction of a chance to go to Heaven.

Unknown: i don't want to make you uncomfortable, jeremy. i think we could be friends since your girlfriend and my best friend get along.

Unknown: how old are you?

Me: I don't think us hanging out is a good idea. Sorry.

Unknown: :( why?

Me: Do I need a reason? I'm a high schooler and you're a perv who likes to feel people up in closets.

Unknown: ARE YOU A MINOR?!

Me: Well, no.

Unknown: fuck, thank god or else amanda would have a serious problem

Me: Not anymore.

Unknown: meaning?

Me: None of your business. Bye perv.

I don't look at his last text, but I decide to have a tiny bit of respect and save Carter's name in my phone. I'll definitely have to contact Amanda and as her why she gave him my number.

If it has anything to do with her confidence that I'm "in denial" or whatever, I'm going to stab someone. Well, not stab, because I'm not supposed to cause harm to others. Not even if it's deserved.

It crosses my mind that Father Peter and Dad both broke that very rule when they caused harm to me, but I suppose it's different for parents and priests.

Agnes grabs my arm and tries to pull me toward her puzzle with a pout. "Broken," she whispers sadly.

"Agnes, it's not broken, you just have to put the right shape in or it'll get stuck," I explain, fixing it with one hand while holding Jordan with the other. "Do you want dinner?"

She nods and I carry Jordan to his high chair and buckle him in while Agnes follows me around the kitchen.

There isn't much work for me here; all of the food is prepackaged and it just needs to be heated up. It's not too surprising, since Stephanie never even thought about college and dedicated her time to being a stay at home mom. She does all of the house work and I respect her for it, but I don't think it's her passion.

I heat up the food labeled for today and take the lid off of some baby food for Jordan.

Agnes eats her food silently, and I wonder if every night is like this at Stephanie's house.

I know that her husband can be loud and really mean, especially toward my sisters, so it doesn't surprise me that she's so quiet and shy. Especially for a two year old.

It was like this in my house, too, though.

None of my sisters were loud and I definitely wasn't.

Stephanie: Are the kids doing okay?

Me: Yes, just fed them and I'm going to get them ready for bed.

Stephanie: Okay, Jackie will be over in a bit to spend the night there and you can go home.

Me: I can spend the night? That's what you asked me to do?

Stephanie: Grant isn't comfortable with you being in our house overnight with our kids.

I scowl and text a simple "OK" before turning my phone over. It's not secret that the Catholic Church assumes that people who are gay are pedophiles. I'm not even gay, so it's even more annoying that Stephanie is kicking me out of her house.

It really hurts.

Why did I have to give into these damn urges?!

I've turned my entire family against me and I don't know how I'll ever get them to see me in the way that I should have been seen.

"Time for bed," I tell Agnes, leading her to her room and helping her into her pajamas. "Say your prayers."

She does so, but I don't feel like joining in. It's probably wrong and will just be one more thing to prove I'm not worthy of being seen as a child of God, but I don't really care right now.

Jordan is quiet for a baby and he falls asleep pretty quick once I change his diaper and lay him down.

Once I'm down in the living room, I notice that there's a lot of missed texts from Carter. Will this guy just leave me alone?!

Carter: look, i'm really sorry if i made you uncomfortable. i didn't mean to and i was just playing the game, but that's not really an excuse. i should have noticed how uncomfortable you were.

Carter: i'll buy you a milkshake to make up for it? or an oat milk shake if you're lactose intolerant?

Carter: amanda agrees that we'd be good friends... i think you should listen to her :)

Carter: okay, i'm done now. sorry for bothering you, have a good night!

Me: Would it kill you to use proper capitalization when you text?

Carter: yes.

Me: Oh. Well, sorry for not responding but I'm babysitting my niece and nephew. And I'm 18, by the way.

Carter: so you're legal ;)

My face heats up and I don't know why, but I have to fight back a smile when he says that. I should be disgusted and blocking him, not smiling and telling him about myself! What's wrong with me?!

Me: Technically, yes.

Carter: i'm 21.

Me: When did I ask?

Carter: you're spicy over text message. easier to hide behind a screen?

Me: Something like that.

The front door opens and Jackie and Vincent walk in.

Vincent gives me a cheery smile and Jackie hangs back, doing something on her phone.

"Hey, Jeremy," Vincent says, patting my shoulder. "How are you?"

He's always been really nice to me and he's really good to my sister. Much nicer than Grant is to Stephanie.

"I'm alright, just got some homework to finish."

Jackie smiles softly and hugs me. "I'm sorry about Steph," she whispers in my ear. "She told me what's been going on between you and Dad. Well, and Father Peter."

My smile falters. "I need to get home."

"Jeremy." Jackie says it as a statement, not a gentle way to call me.

"What is it?" I ask, turning back to her as I grab the cold doorknob.

She looks a bit nervous. "I... I've noticed things lately... things that we were taught growing up. And... well, not all of them are right and whatever you choose to do with your life... Vince and I will always have your back."

"I'm not gay, if that's what this is about," I say simply before I leave the house, shutting the door much harder than necessary.