Carter's POV:

The smell of pancakes and hash browns wakes me up and I remember that I'm under a cream colored comforter that smells like my childhood and not in my apartment. I have some clothes here that I left in case I come back and spend the night (like last night) so I change into an old pair of jeans and a grey button up.

I'm sure that Dad wouldn't care if I chose to walk out in just underwear, but I think it's nicer if I show up in actual clothes.

"Good morning," he says, filling a plate for me.

Mom used to cook when she was alive, and when she passed Dad and I did a lot of takeout which took its toll on both of us. Eventually, when I developed an eating disorder and was addicted to working out, Dad started watching the cooking channel and began to cook three healthy but filling meals a day.

It really helped with my self esteem and gave him something to do. When he retires, he wants to teach cooking classes, but for now he works an early job managing a freight company. He makes really good money and gets along with his coworkers, but it's not really his passion.

"I miss home cooked meals," I say, stuffing my mouth with pancakes.

Dad chuckles deeply. "I miss having someone to eat all of the food. Mr and Mrs Barbino next door often come over for dinner so they don't have to eat takeout and it gives me some company."

I know that Dad isn't saying it to guilt me for moving into an apartment; that's not the kind of guy he is. He's proud of himself for having the elderly couple over because I told him when I moved out that he should try to make some friends and have people over.

He deserves to be happy.

"That's great. Janelle usually cooks and it's not as good as yours, but it's better than what I'd be making."

Dad laughs lowly again. "You'd just be eating ramen out of a Tupperware."

"Thanks for your faith in my cooking abilities."

"I'm going to church today if you'd like to join me," he comments, looking at the clock. "Father Juan is out of town, though, so I'm going to the other church that's near the college."

I shrug. "Sure, then I can walk home from there," I agree, finishing my breakfast and washing the plate.

The church we end up at is a lot bigger than the one Mom and Dad took me to when I was young, and the one Dad still goes to. I don't know why, but despite the larger amount of people, it feels more empty and I feel a pit of anxiety living in my gut.

It feels as thought I don't belong here, and the church is so cold.

Even Dad seems a bit uncomfortable as we sit down.

The priest gives off a bad vibe that I don't trust whatsoever. He has cold, pale blue eyes and he seems extremely severe. If I ever ended up in confession with him, I think I'd get up and walk the other way.

Maybe he's secretly really nice, but I'm going to trust my gut and stick to confession at the church with Father Juan. Not that I've gone for years, but if I was told that I needed to, Father Juan would be my go-to.

I'm kind of bored throughout the service, since church isn't something I'm really interested in, but I know Dad likes it to feel closer to Mom. It's sad how he gets teary eyed halfway through when he's thinking of her, so I pat his shoulder in a comforting way.

I'm looking around the church, trying to find a way to distract myself, when I see a familiar form. I pause and stare, and as if he can feel my stare, Jeremy turns and catches my eye.

His eyes widen and he whips back around.

"Dad?" I whisper and he turns to me. "Do you know who that family is?"

He nods. "Mhm, they're the reason I don't like this church and only go here when necessary," he grumbles. "Super strict and married to the church. They think they're God's gift in the world."

"That guy with them is the one I made out with."

Dad lets out a loud laugh, which gets him some cold looks and he unsuccessfully attempts to cover it up with a cough. His face is red with embarrassment and I have to fight my own laugh.

"Damn, I wish that I could rub that in their faces," he mumbles. "They're not nice people, so it wouldn't surprise me if the kid is closeted."

We fall silent after that and wait for the priest to finish the mass which will dismiss us all. He leaves the church when he's done in such a way that he acts as if he is God himself or something. Sure, dedicate your life to religion, I don't care, but don't act like you're above everyone.

Afterward, I leave stand outside the church when I see Jeremy leaving with his family.

I approach him and his face immediately goes red.

"Hi, Carter," he says shyly, and I can see that everyone in his family is watching us closely. "What are you doing here?"

"My dad goes to church most Sundays but the one he usually goes to isn't holding mass this weekend because the priest is out of town," I explain, looking at his severe looking dad. "I didn't realize you went to this church."

Jeremy looks back at his parents anxiously and I see him slap the rubber band that's always on his wrist against his skin. It looks painful, as the skin is red and raw and needs some kind of bandage on it.

"We're active members of the community," Jeremy's dad says, and I can tell he has the idea that he's better than everyone. "You and your father were the ones being loud during mass, were you not?"

I nod. "Yeah, sorry about that."

Jeremy looks like he wants to reassure me, but he keeps his eyes on his messed up wrist.

"Don't let it happen again," the asshole says, as if he has any right to scold me for a few seconds of not being in complete silence. "How do you know my son?"

Oh, I just made out with him in a closet.

I smile and mentally dismiss what I'm dying to say because I don't want to embarrass Jeremy or accidentally lead his parents to be mad at him.

"I'm friends with his girlfriend."

Jeremy's dad hums. "And you think it's appropriate to be friends with a woman who is in a relationship with my son?"

"I don't have any interest in her, so I don't see anything wrong with it," I say, hoping my voice sounds sincere instead of annoyed. "You're still coming over today, right Jeremy?"

Jeremy nods. "Yeah."

"Excuse me?" Jeremy's dad asks. "Where are you going?"

"Uh..." Jeremy trails off, unsure of what to say.

I cut in, smiling at my friend. "I'm a peer tutor for the college and I told Jeremy that, if he was interested, I'd help him find some scholarships if he's interested in going to Rowan or another college. If not, we were just going to do a small study group with myself, my roommate, Amanda, and him."

Hopefully that lie is as smooth as it felt.

Jeremy's dad grunts, but it doesn't have the same kindness or warmth that my dad's does. "Fine, but you need to be home by seven because you have confession tonight."

"Okay," Jeremy quietly agrees.

"We can just go right now," I offer, as Jeremy's expression tells me that he would rather be anywhere else right now. "My apartment is a ten minute's walk."

Jeremy nods. "Sure, sounds great. I'll be home by seven," he says, speaking quickly, but I see him catch his dad's eye to non-verbally ask for permission.

"Be on time, Jeremy!" he scolds, and Jeremy nods before walking quickly, almost as if he's leading me as opposed to me leading him.

Once he's out of his dad's line of vision, he visibly relaxes and gives me a real smile for the first time.

"Your dad is intense," I comment.

Jeremy's smile falls. "Yeah... he can be."

"Does he interrogate every friend you have?"

"Well, my only friends are you, Janelle, and Amanda, so him actually seeing my friends is a rare occasion," he deadpans, rolling his eyes at me.

His personality is completely different now that it's just him and I, and I definitely like this fun, feisty side of him more.

We get to my apartment and Janelle is still asleep, but she's on the couch instead of in her room. There's not going to be any studying happening today, so I turn on a show for background noise and get out a deck of cards.

"Wanna play speed?" I ask, and Jeremy's eyes widen.

"Isn't that a drug?!"

I sigh. "You are so innocent. No, it's a card game. I'm not giving a minor drugs."

He scowls. "I'm not a minor!"

"You're a high school student, so therefore you are a baby."

"Tell me how to play this card game, I'm gonna kick your butt."

He hasn't sworn in front of me whatsoever, and I'm sure it's because of his stick-up-the-ass father.

I tell him the rules and lay out the cards, but before we can start, his phone rings. I see someone named "Stephanie" come across the screen and he answers it, looking a bit nervous.

"Hello?"

I can't hear what this Stephanie person is saying, but it makes Jeremy wince and his face pales. In seconds, he's standing up and giving me a sorrowful look before he heads toward the door.

"Hey, what's going on?!" I call, following my friend.

He shakes his head as he puts on his shoes. "I have to go home. I'm sorry," he says, leaving before I can keep questioning him.

I call Amanda and she tells me she's on her way here and when she arrives I take her to the kitchen table and sit her down.

"What's wrong with your boyfriend?" I demand, making her scowl.

"What are you talking about?"

I explain how he acted in his family's presence, the phone call, the suspicions I have about him being closeted and scared of the church's judgment, and how I think he's lying to all of us because he's afraid. My rant lasts for fifteen minutes and when I'm done, Amanda is in tears.

Now I feel like shit.

"I'm sorry, I-"

She cuts me off. "I broke up with Jeremy two weeks ago, but we're pretending that we're still together because if we don't his family will make his life horrible. He... he confessed the priest at his church what he did with you and the priest told his parents and now they're trying to force him to be straight... Carter, I'm so worried about him. He's trying to convince himself that he's straight, but he felt more with you in four minutes than he has with me in four years."

"...so I'm the reason that he's being abused and outcasted by his family?!"

"No! It's no one but that damn priest's fault and his family for being so fucked up," she says, and she continues how he told her that he's had what he calls "unholy desires" toward men for a long time.

We discuss for nearly an hour when Janelle wakes up and starts making us food so Amanda and I can continue to try to work out what we're supposed to do to help Jeremy. 

Her phone rings and I see his name pop up.

"Jer?" she asks and I hear a sob on the other end of the phone that has me fully on edge and tense. After a quick conversation she gets up. "I have to go. I'll keep you updated."

"I can help-"

She stops me. "Carter, you're a great guy and I know you care, but he doesn't need more than one person right now. I swear I'll call you or have him text you, but please just stay here."

I groan and sit back down at the table, turning my ringer on so that I can be ready for a text or a phone call, whatever comes first.