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Calamity Coup D'etat

S1 E7: Gwyneth's Cannon

S1 E7: Gwyneth's Cannon

Sep 08, 2022

This content is intended for mature audiences for the following reasons.

  • •  Blood/Gore
  • •  Physical violence
  • •  Cursing/Profanity
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November 13th

Tora sits by the white folding table, Vekna is on the table. President Goose sits on the table.
"I've gathered you two for a special mission, I have a plan, one they won't be expecting, one my father told me, that his father passed down, a plan from generation down to generation, all the way from President Ostritch's deathbed, but the technology didn't quite exist yet, but now... A new move in the game, I'm sending you to The Last Reach, for the Immega Weapons Station, there you'll find a blueprint to Gwyneth's Cannon, a super powerful weapon that-" President Goose is cut off
"Say no more, giant weapon, we'll go get it." Tora says.
"Coolio, just know, the weapons station may have one mounted on top of the building, it's a type of Coil gun; A very upgraded type of railgun I think, it'll tear y'all's ship apart, tell the pilot to be cautious when approaching location." President Goose continues. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go get the plunger, Duckling's stuck in the toilet again, Emu threw 'im in to see what would 'appen." President Goose jumps off the table and waddles out of the room.
Tora scoops up Vekna, gets in the elevator, and goes to level 37, where Hanger 2A is, and enters the 7/11 sized ship. Usually she'd sit in the passenger section, but she goes to the much smaller cockpit, looks at the pilot's seat. A cat sized spider sits in the pilot's seat, the spider looks up at Tora.
"May I help you?" He says.
"Hi... I'm Tora, one of the mercenaries, I'm looking for the pilot." Tora responds.
"You're looking right at him. I am Sergeant Scuttles. The pilot, my co-pilot is on the console here." Sergeant Scuttles points to a cockroach on the console with it's own mini-console.
Scutles continues. "Her name is Igris, she's the best damn co-pilot, ever. It also means the co-pilot seat is open, feel free to sit there."
Tora sits in the co-pilot's, now passenger's seat, with Vekna in her lap.
"Let's get to... Where is this? Last Reach?" Scuttles asks.
"I just call it reach, but that borders on copying another property so we're going with Last Reach." Tora responds.
Scuttles pulls the ship into orbit. "Igris, DoowLink generator?"
A small voice pops out from the cockroach. "Redy to go sir!"
Scuttles crawls up to the top of the cockpit, and pulls a switch out of the wall, and through the two windows of the cockpit, stars form into an eye, it blinks, and suddenly the windows are just pure red. Tora covers her eyes, Vekna is asleep, the red fades into void, no stars or anything.
"Welcome to the Void! Tora, you have your own ship, you've seen this before right?" Scuttles asks
"No... I was taught to fly with no windows, rely on the tools, I was told it could be dangerous." Tora says.
"Well it ain't."
"What's with they uhh, the eye?"
"Nobody's quite sure. Some say it's the god's blessing."
"I'm from earth, I don't quite know what gods you all worship." Vakna asks
"It depends on planet, species, region, all that, Norman believes that he is god, he forces most slaves to worship him as god, the upper 50% have freedom. Or they just pay the authorities to fuck off, either one." Scuttles says
Suddenly, the windows glow red again, and the stars reappear in the shape of an eye, it blinks once before returning to normal stars, the desert planet of Last Reach lay in front of the ship. 
"Doowlink drive. Quite a piece of engineering. No one really knows who made it. I don't think." Scuttles continues.
Scuttles pulls the ship down to Last Reach, gliding at cloud level. "Weapons station... Weapons station... Weapons- WEAPONS STATION! There it is! There's something on top of it though..."
In a clicking moment, Tora remembers what Goose said in the briefing. "Pull the ship away! That's a Weapon-" And Tora is cut off, by the Coilgun ripping through the back of the ship, sending it down to the sandy ground of the planet. Scuttles turns on a emergency distress call. "MAYDAY MAYDAY, BIRD UNION GOING DOWN!"
The ship lands a kilometer from the weapons station, skidding across the sand like a meteor. When the dust settles, Tora is out in the sand, with Scuttles, The Cockroach, and Vekna all laying on top of her.
Tora sits up, the three slide to the sand, and Tora brushed the sand off herself. "Good to know I'm the team airbag." She says.
Scuttles shoots up. "NOOO MY BAbYYY" He runs over to the ship and tries to salvage anything. He is unable to salvage anything.
Tora stands up. "Sweet fuck, who knew a ship crash turned your legs into Balsa wood. I'd say let's get moving but you all would slow me down, so I'm just going to carry you all." Tora scoops up Vekna, the spooder, and Igris, and starts towards the facility.

By the time Tora gets to the facility admidst the dunes, it's nightfall, any alert from when their ship was shot down would surely be over by now. With that in mind, they just walk in the front door.
Empty, there's a few desks, papers scattered across them, but nothing quite out of the ordinary.
Tora takes out her PDA, A handle that folds out to have a holographic screen, and checks the staff requirements for this weapons station, given to her by President Goose. 300 people should be at this location.
"Either they saw us, saw we were going to fuck them up, and left, or we're about to be ambushed. Would be a great time to have Achilles."
The Spooder (Trademark pending) and Igris the cockroach look at each other.
"We're pilots. Not gun people, we're gonna wait in the sh- outside. We're gonna wait outside and get another ship from HQ over here. You two uuhhhhh, go do whatever war crimes it is you do." Scuttles exits with Igris. 
Tora walks over to the desks and starts reading the papers.
M17 PARs (Plasma Assault Rifles), M83 HCEBSRs (High Capacity Extended Barrel Sniper Rifles), no weapons out of the ordinary. Though Tora does pocket a file labled "Dydact Priority". 
Whispering comes from the backwall of the room, Tora moves over to it to investigate, she presses her ear to the wall and listens.
"Okay, are you ready?" Once voice says.
"I guess, I'm really nervous, this is my first assignment!" The other says.
"You have a mini-gun strapped to your forearm. Now get ready, in 10... 9... 8..."
Tora realizes what's happening, and quickly runs to the other side of the room, and takes out a Gallium Pistol, basically just an average space pistol.
Suddenly the wall Tora was listening to breaks open, out comes a man in big armor, with heavy hydraulic limbs,a M90 Shulker Minigun bolted to his forearm.
"YOU'RE UP AGAINST THE WALL AND I AM THE FUCKING CEILING- Wait, wait, there's no one in here?" 
Tora sits under one of the desks, holding Vekna.
Vekna, tired of being carried around like the objective in a video game, hops out, and walks over to the minigunman.
"Spinning Barrel unit 552, seems like your first mission is a dud. There isn't anyone in here as we hoped. The first voice from before says.
The Spinning Barrel looks around. "Guess... Noootttt- BIRD!" The unit aims the minigun at Vekna. "CoDE BLACK CODE BLACK THERE IS A BIRD THERE IS A BIIIIIRRRRDDDD! ...But it's very uh, very small."
"Hey! It's average!" The first voice says. 
"General you aren't alowed to make those jokes anymore on behalf of your male soldiers." The Unit says. "Now, I'll just grab the biiiirrrddd..." The Unit starts the Shulker, it gets to full speed immediately, Vekna, expecting the slow buildup, says: "Oh god oh fuck oh shit oh god oh fuck oh shit oh god oh fuck oh shit" and flies into the units face, a gun cocking sound comes from Vekna, and a gun pokes out of his mouth, he starts shooting the unit.
Under the desk, Tora puts a glove on her right hand, activating it once to make sure it works, a glove that makes a white fire, an atom fire, the fire is not hot, for it is just air expanding, an atom fire instead melts matter into it's base elements.
Vekna flies around in circles drawing The Units attention. Eventually the unit just starts firing the minigun because he can't catch Vekna. But when his back is turned Tora runs out from under the desk and jumps onto The Unit's back. "HWAT" The Unit yells, but before he can react, Tora has pushed her Atom fire through his head, creating a hand sized hole right through his head. Brains leaking out, The Unit falls to the ground motionless. Tora hears the first voice whimper, and then run off. Tora gets off the dead Spinning Barrel.
"You were surprisingly useful there Vekna. Good job. Now let's go kill this other fucker, get these plans and get the fuck out." Tora says.
"Oh thank you, I sort of panicked but-" Vekna is cut off.
"Come on now, this way." Tora says walking off in the way she heard the footsteps go. Coming to a room with a lot of monitors stacked on top of each other, with someone at the keyboard deleting all the windows on it, which seems to be... A... A lot of Phineas and Ferb memorabilia on Ebay
"D-DON'T MIND THIS! ONE SECOND!" The person at the keyboard says. "Dramatic setup Dramaaatiiicccc setuuupp..." All the monitors go white, brightnening the room, the person at the keyboard has baggy camo pants, gunmetal grey chest armor, rubber kleets, camo fabric going over their face with goggles over the eyes, and a baseball cap on.
They try to sit in the swivel chair in front of the monitors, but it breaks the second they sit in it, and they fall on the floor, "ShIET-" They yell.
They get up as quickly as they can and point at Tora. "I-I Am General Parvathi! And you will- You will stop right there! I will not allow you to take the plans to Gywneth's Cannon!"
Tora looks at Vekna "General, huh?" Tora starts. "Seems like this is another easy kill, Vekna you have no idea how many defenseless nerds I've had to kill". Vekna points over at General Parvathi, but Tora keeps speaking. "It's fun when you just activate the atom fire, grab their neck, and then you watch heads roll."
"TORA-" Vekna is cut off by a gun cocking sound.
Tora looks over at General Parvathi, with a 'Basset 1ZY Shotgun'. A drum mag shotgun with 17 round drum.
"...That's new." Tora says.
General Parvathi starts shooting, Tora starts booking it towards nearest cover. Vekna doesn't move.
Tora activates her atom fire glove, and realizes that this doesn't mean shit if she can't get near Parvathi.
Vekna meanwhile gets close to Parvathi. And yells to Tora. "SAY 'DEMON CORE'!"
Tora yells back. "WHAT"
"JUST DO IT"
"WHY"
"JUST HECKING DO IT."
"FINE, DEMON CORE!"
Parvathi looks at Vekna. "Hold on, what does that mean-"
Vekna instantly turns blue at a light level that blinds Parvathi. Parvathi grabs her face and falls to the floor. 
Vekna un-blues. Tora gets out from behind cover. Tora walks over to General Parvathi. 
General Parvathi lies on the ground writhing in pain, screaming: "MY EYES, MY EYES!"
Tora just kind of pushes Parvathi away with her foot.
The screens light up in red: 'SHIP APPROACHING, CHARGING CANNON, AWAITING COMMAND'
Tora types in 'No command.' and the warning goes away. Vekna opens his mouth, out comes the mouthgun again, and he blows a hole in the wall to the outside. He waddles outside and looks up, seeing a ship that looks exactly like the one they rode here. Maybe a little bigger. Vekna takes out a walkie talkie bigger than him and speaks into it.
"Heyo, Vekna on the ground here, I have an idea, see, there's a big cannon on top of this structure, I want you to cable onto it, and tow it into space, back to facility, maybe we can install it on a ship or something? I have an idea for our next move, but mayb-" Vekna is cut off by Tora joining comms.
"Hey Pilot, pick up scuttles, come over here, pick us up, we'll have the files, and then I'm gonna have you cable up the cannon on the roof, and then we're getting the fuck out of here. Thanks."
"Roger, Over." The Pelican in the cockpit answers
Vekna looks at Tora and grumbles, then notices Tora has a bag slung over her shoulder.
Tora looks down at Vekna. "Oh, the bag? Parv's in it. I'm gonna put her in the dumpster lmao." Tora walks around to the back of the building. Vekna looks up at the sky.
Strange how a desert planet has such nice level temperatures even at night...
Vekna hops around, another day in the life of a bird...
"I need to talk to that cassowary again."
samgreenslit
Captain Phoosma

Creator

Thank you for reading this week's episode, I hope you enjoyed! Gwyneth's cannon!

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S1 E7: Gwyneth's Cannon

S1 E7: Gwyneth's Cannon

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