A few weeks went by since the moment I broke down in Nazar's arms. And to say that my job got easier would be a lie. I sighed as I got up, making my way toward the bathroom. Thankfully it was Friday and I couldn't wait for the weekend to arrive in order to try and relax a little. I took a brief shower before standing in front of the mirror. I shaved the stubble I had on one part of my face before stopping and stared at my reflection. I slowly touched the burn mark on my cheek, feeling the sandpaper like texture against the tip of my fingers. The texture seemed stronger and it looked more visible than usual. I wondered if it was because it had been a while since I looked at myself or if it was one of the consequences of getting older. Either way, I hated it.
I turned away and got dressed before going downstairs to prepare the breakfast. Once it was done, I put it on the table just in time as Ethan entered the kitchen. He sent a shy smile in my direction as he sat on a chair to eat some pancakes. I checked the time, making sure we wouldn't be late: Ethan was going to school now and I was the one walking him there; it wasn't too far from my office and I only had to slightly adjust my schedule.
Once the breakfast finished, I put the leftovers in the frigdge and left a message to Nazar before checking on Ethan who was putting his shoes on. We left the house and walked toward his school in silence. He was walking next to me while still keeping a security distance but it was fine for me; slowly but surely we were making some progress. I watched him enter the school ground and then made my way toward my office where a full day of work was awaiting me.
I greeted Imogen and went to my office, putting my bag on the floor and removing my coat, putting it on the back of my armchair. I turned my computer on and checked today's meetings. I had three meetings this morning and two this afternoon. My schedule was lighter compared to the rest of the week but it was far from being easier emotionally. Plus, my last meeting of the day was Celine, the woman who got burned by her husband. I looked at the file of my next patient that was supposed to come in the next twenty minutes, reminiscing our past sessions together.
When I heard the noise of the front door behind opened, I got up and put a smile on my face to greet Lily, my first patient of the day. The three meetings this morning went on quickly and well, all of them making great progress. During my break, I took my bag and left the office to go to the gym that was around the street's corner. It became harder for me to exercice at home since Ethan was there so I made sure to go a few times a week during my lunch break; sport still had an important place in my life.
I entered the building, greeting the person at the entrance with a nod and made my way toward the changing rooms. I entered an empty cubicle and changed myself before putting my stuffs into a locker. I then walked toward the working out equipments, ready to start my workout. The physical effort always had a calming effect on my body and I alternated between the running machine and the Seated Row one. After one hour, I was drenched in sweat but felt happy and relaxed. With a content smile on my face, I went back to my locker to get my stuffs before heading toward the showers. Once clean and dressed, I left the gym and bought a sandwich on my way back to the office.
I ate it while looking at the file of my next patient, a ten years old boy, Tobias. This meeting wasn't really a session; it was mostly a goodbye as it was his last time coming in my office. He had been one of my patients for the last two years and made enough progress not to come here anymore. I was really happy and proud of him. He had always been strong willed with a lot of determination and just needed some help to get out of a bad period of his life. I smiled when I heard the door of the building opening and got up, greeting him and his mother.
"It won't take long today." I told his mother as she sat on one of the free chairs in the waiting room. "Feel free to get yourself some coffee or tea!" I added before going back in my office with Tobias. "So, how are you today?"
He smiled back at me, pulling his chair closer to my desk, while still seating across me. "I'm good, I finished packing my stuffs yesterday."
"That's great. How do you feel about going to a new school?"
"A little nervous but happy." He answered back and I nodded.
A fresh start would be perfect for him and his mother: after his father got stabbed to death in front of their eyes, during a robbery; it could only help them heal and feel more secure to live in a different town.
"I'm sure you and your mother will love Corwen, I've heard it's a really beautiful town."
He smiled at these words before asking. "Will you come visit sometimes?"
"I- I'm not sure but you're doing great on your own now. And, if you ever feel like you need to talk, I'll be a phone call away." I told him truthfully. "And look what I got you!"
I pulled out a Spiderman funko pop from under my office. I knew he loved that movie and I couldn't help but get him one when I saw it in a store a few days ago. I smiled when his eyes lit up at the sight.
"Thank you so much, I love it!" He exclaimed, handling it carefully. "I will put it on my desk."
I smiled and, after talking for a few more minutes, we ended the session. I got up and accompagned him to his mother who thanked me. I shook her hand, wishing them all the best in their new start. Just before leaving the office, Tobias turned around and hugged me, making my heart swell. I watched them leave, feeling happy about how far we had come. I went back to my office once they left and sat in front of my computer, opening Celine's file.
I read it, remembering all the little details of our past sessions and feeling my stomach squeeze a little. I forced a smile on my face as I heard the front door and got up to greet her. We went back to my office and she sat on the free chair, pulling out a little notebook as she did.
"How are you?" I asked simply as I took a pen, ready to write today's session.
"I'm okay. I've wrote what you told me. It wasn't easy."
I nodded before answering. "I know. But it's an important part to accept yourself and start your new life."
"Before starting... I-I've..." She started, trying to find words to express her thoughts. "I saw an add on internet about a new chirurgical technique that could help remove the burn marks and scars and... I wanted your thoughts about it. I know these sessions are to help me accept myself the way I am but this solution could be life changing if I could do it..."
I frowned at these words. "I've never heard that before. Are you sure it's real and not a scam?"
"I thought so too but I checked and it's real. But it's new, they only started experimenting on humans not too long ago." She explained, making me nod again.
"I see, thank you for letting me know." I told her, writing down the info she told me about. "Now, if you don't mind, we should start working on what you wrote."
"Yes, of course." She said hurryinly, opening her notebook.
She then started reading about her life's story, starting from the beginning: the meeting with her husband. I heard in details about him putting her down all the time until it escalated with hits. My stomach clenched as I heard the different ways he hurt her, even more when he realized she couldn't bear children. Tears were running down her cheeks as she kept reading with a shaky voice and I handed her a tissue before taking one for myself. It was hard not to show any emotion; I didn't know how Mr. Biersack did it back then. As I listened to her telling me about him throwing her acid, flash of my own past came back in front of me. I could still feel the heat on my skin and the intense pain of the cuts on different parts of my body. I blinked, trying to concentrate on Celine's voice.
When she stopped talking, the only thing that could be heard was her cries. It took me a moment to collect my thoughts. I opened my mouth when I felt ready and knew my voice wouldn't give up on me. "Thank you for telling me your story. Thinking from an external point of view, for example if you saw this story in a newspaper or somewhere online, what would your reaction be?"
"I would be horrified." She answered simply as if it was obvious. And it was. The goal was to make sure she understood that the whole situation wasn't her fault.
"That's good. The goal was to make you realize that none of this was your fault. For our next session, I really want you to continue working on your confidence and I would like you to find something positive about your looks. It could be anything." I told her and watched her eye widden slightly. "Not easy, I know. I went through this years ago." I added, a slight smile on my face.
"What did you answer to this question?"
"I will answer next week, if you don't mind. I wouldn't want to influence you."
"Of course, I understand." She said, taking another tissue to remove the tears on her cheeks.
The session ended not too long after and I accompagnied her back toward the front door before going back to my office. I put my notes in Celine's file, making sure to keep it up to date before clicking on Google. I wanted to check this new chirurgical technique she told me about earlier. Surprisingly, I found articles about it easily and began to read the various info I could find. The more I read about it, the more interested it made me. I had hoped for something like that since I was a teenager and I couldn't believe it was finally available. Sure, they only started experimenting on humans so it would take some time to know about possible side effects but I wanted to do it. I wanted it so badly. It would only take a few clicks to send my application for the trials on the official website and my finger hung over the mouse for a while but I stopped myself. I needed to talk to Nazar first and get his thoughts about the subject.
This would be a big procedure: deep layered lasers for the scars and harvesting cells for artificial modification before chirurgically removing the burn marks and then grafting the modified cells on my skin where needed. Plus, this being a new technique meant that we didn't have the necessary hindsight about the potential risks. Will our body accept the transplant? Will the modified cells increase the risks of cancer or other diseases? And how long will the recovery process be? It was not a decision to be taken lightly.
I looked at the page in front of me for a few seconds before turning my computer off. I would talk to Nazar this evening, before bed and see how things went from there...
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