Not long after I ventured into the wild I found myself deep within the woods, where I came across my first obstacle: a crossroads, complete with a post with two arrow-shaped signs and all. One leading toward the east, the other toward the west. I didn’t have a map with me, which in retrospect does seem like a huge oversight, so I hadn’t the slightest clue where to go next. Just when I thought I was at the end of my rope, I saw a familiar-looking woman dressed in green walking by. She had a wooden staff, pigtails, and a necklace with some sort of gem attached to it.
"Oh my goodness, it's you!” I screamed while approaching her. "Mr. Otis told me about you. You're Simone the Druid! You aid travelers who are lost by giving them directions! I was on my way to the town of Sköllhyala, but I stumbled upon this crossroads. Can you help me?”
She inspected me from top to bottom with her big, confused eyes. "Not so fast," she said. "If you truly are lost, then I'll help. But only if you can first answer this riddle correctly.”
"Ooh, a challenge!” I said.
"Ready? The riddle is… What animal must you turn to for emotional support?”
“Huh.”
I stood there pondering while rubbing my chin with my index finger and my thumb. It seemed like a trick question at first, but if I learned anything from my neighbor Mr. Ockham, who runned a razor shop, is that the simplest answer is usually the right one.
"A seal!" I shouted.
"A seal?" she asked. "Why is that?"
"Because whenever you see one, it'll be clapping for you!”
She squinted her eyes and gave me a doubtful look before deciding on her verdict. "Your answer is… correct!" she said. "Well done. I shall now tell you which way to go.”
"Hooray!"
“The path you should take is…” she said as she pointed at the post with the arrow-shaped signs, "...the one that doesn’t say ‘To the septic tank’, you dumb girl."
"I suspected so. Thank you very much!"
And so, I marched on.
Now, the path in front of me was pretty straight-forward. That didn’t sit well with me. Too unremarkable. So, I tried taking a shortcut by crossing what I assumed was a harmless little pond. I'm sure the leeches feasting on my legs thought it was a great idea; as for me, I learned a valuable lesson: roads exist for a reason.
What’s worse, after seeing those parasites munching on my flesh I realized I haven’t brought any rations with me either. Another oversight. However, I saw it as a splendid opportunity to test my cooking skills… or lack thereof. I picked up some wild flowers, water from an old well and some strange animal’s carcass that looked surprisingly fresh. Having gathered the necessary ingredients, I threw everything into a helmet I took from the skeletal remains of a long dead soldier and stirred it all to make a gooey concoction resembling a soup. It may not be the perfect dish, but I could already tell my culinary abilities were greatly improving as a result of this experience. Maybe next time I’ll even be able to prepare something that’s suitable for human consumption.
I must have lost track of time, ‘cause before I noticed the sun was starting to hide behind the distant mountains. The shadows cast by the trees grew larger and larger, and shortly after I wasn’t able to see even my own feet. The chirping of the birds got slowly replaced by hoots and croaks, and the sound of the scraping bark anticipated a chilly gust of wind that almost swept me off my feet. I was prepared to spend the night in a barn owned by the first farmer that didn’t chase me away with a pitchfork in hand. However, I promptly came across an entirely different picture. A warm, dim light in the midst of all the darkness. It came from what appeared to be a humble cottage facing the road. I walked toward it and found a sign that said ‘Irene’s Inn’.
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