Kaye at 30
“Well, that was a little
chaotic,” I finally say when the silence becomes suffocating as we drive back
to my home. “Hey, Rosy, don’t sleep over there. You still have to wash up and
brush your teeth at home.”
My daughter only mumbles as she continues sleeping. I glance at Cheri that’s been silent since we get into the car. Now that I discover something about his personality, I’m worried about him. So he tends to overthink things and jump to conclusion like a typical writer.
I was surprised he thought I had a woman while having an ambiguous relationship with him. Well, it’s not like we actually agreed on something concrete. But, what exactly does he think about me? I’m not a promiscuous person. Well, not anymore, at least.
“Um, are you going to work tonight?”
“Definitely,” Cheri answers with an uncharacteristically sweet smile on his lips that I’m taken aback.
“You should do that more often,” I can’t help but say.
“Do what?” He frowns and glances at me.
“Smile. You look way better smiling. It’s like—this may sound cliché but it’s like the sun just shines in the car, you know,” I chuckle at my own cringey words and feel my ears heat up in shame. “Don’t get me wrong, your melancholic face is also beautiful. Your eyes are especially breathtaking like a portrait. They’re blue like the ocean and have yellow streaks at the corner like sunbeams. Kind of makes me think about summer. You know, when the sun’s shining bright and cheer—”
I suddenly step on the brakes, the tires screeching on the asphalt road and our bodies sail forward by the force. Luckily, the seatbelts are tightly secured around us and no other vehicles following behind as well. I catch my breath in shock of my own words. That’s definitely a déjà vu!
“What happened, daddy? That was dangerous!” Rosy says at the backseat, obviously awakened by my reckless driving.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s daddy’s bad. I saw a kitty and… almost hit it…”
I glance at Cheri but he hasn’t moved from his position on the seat. I can’t see his face because he’s turned to the window. Not that I can see clearly through this darkness anyway. But not commenting about my driving makes him even more suspicious.
I frown and shake my head as I crank up the engine once again. It’s as if a floodgate of words has been opened in my head, they rush back to me in pieces and slowly taking form. And so do the memories.
Smile. Melancholy. Ocean. Blue eyes. Yellow sunbeams. Kitty. Bright and cheerful. Summer…
I’m surprised we arrive home in one piece at my dazed state. I park and killed the engine before rounding the car to pull my daughter from the backseat. She’s already way too big to be carried but since she’s my princess, I’ll carry her no matter how old she gets.
“Kitty, can you please pull the keys from my pocket?” I tell Cheri and jut my hips towards him where I put the house keys.
Cheri fishes out the keys and opens the door himself, lighting up the living room and helping me carry Rosy’s bag. Although he keeps silent, he moves around as if nothing’s happened. I look at him suspiciously but he just won’t meet my eyes.
“Kitty, do you want to use the bathroom first? This one’s going to be hard to wake up. I’ll just help her brush her teeth first.”
“Alright,” he easily agrees and staggers to the bathroom.
“Hey, sweetheart, wake up for a bit to brush your teeth.”
“I’m so sleepy, daddy!” Rosy whines and continues sleeping.
I sigh and take out her essentials from her bag before forcing her towards the kitchen to brush her teeth. It’s a little tricky since she’s half asleep so her mouth’s difficult to open. Ah, now I remember why I name her Rose. Because despite her beauty, she’s troublesome like the thorny flower.
After expert maneuvering, I’m finally done brushing Rosy’s teeth. I carry her back to the room and lay her on the bed before carefully peeling her clothes from her body. I’ve already prepared a washcloth so we’ll just skip washing tonight and settle on a wipe down.
I put her into a pair of pajamas, tuck her to bed and kiss her head. I grab the worn out book I took from my mom’s room earlier and sneakily shoved into Rosy’s bag. Careful not to wake up the little miss, I roll back on the bed beside her and start reading the novel. It’s entitled Summer.
“Oh, you’re reading that?” Rosy suddenly beams up beside me as if she wasn’t completely in a coma earlier.
“The hell,” I mutter and glare at her. “Go back to sleep!”
“Read it to me out loud, please.”
“This isn’t a children’s book. Just go back to sleep.”
“It is a children’s book. Grandma has read it to me so many times, you know.”
“Really?” I glance at her before looking at the cover back to back. “But I thought he’s into thriller novels,” I mumble to myself. “So this one shouldn’t be read by children.”
“Grandma says that’s the writer’s debut piece and was written when he was still young. So it’s practically a child’s book.”
“Alright,” I put the book at the night table and look at my daughter expectantly. “Since you’ve already read it, why not tell me about the story.”
“Hey, what are you a five-year-old?” Rosy pouts and ducks under the covers but soon emerges from it and eventually gives in. “Alright, I’m gonna tell you the story since you’re too lazy reading the book by yourself.”
“Thank you, grandma Rosy,” I say in a little voice and join her under the covers.
Rosy giggles and cuddles with me in bed. “Oh, that’s right, dad… One of the reasons why Grandma loves this book so much is because one of the characters there has the same name as yours.”
“Ah, so he’s also named Kaye?”
“No. I mean your real name, Kristofer. So, uh… I’m going to start now… Once upon a time—” Rosy giggles once again and looks up at me with eyes shining in merriment. “It didn’t actually start like that but the first scene was at the beachfront. Well, it’s an island so there’s a beach. The protagonist named Summer, an eight-year old boy, goes to the seashore every day in wait for his mother’s return. And every time, he keeps seeing an apparition of a dark angel, which name he later on knows as Kristofer. He describes this dark angel as a young beautiful man passing by behind him at an exact same time every day. He is silent and has light brown gaze but when the sun reflects on them, it turns almost red—”
“Wait, wait—” I suddenly put a hand over my daughter’s mouth, turn around to catch my breath while holding onto my tears. “Uh, so… Since it’s getting late, why don’t we go on to the good parts. You know, what’s this story all about?”
“Well, the story actually revolves around their adventure together but there are a lot of good morals, too. You see, dad, Summer was an abandoned child and became very, very sad. However, this dark angel helped him in so many ways. He started by sitting at the beachfront together with Summer so he’d stop feeling alone and later on spoke to him about not giving up hope. He also taught him to appreciate little things in life despite all the bad things happening around him. In addition to friendship, Summer was able to feel the warmth of a family and the sense of belonging. Essentially, this dark angel showed him what real happiness is.”
“S-so if this… t-this apparition gave him such good things, why dark angel? Isn’t that sound like… a bad person or something?”
“Dark angel coz he’s not perfect and he does wicked things as well. As I’ve said, the story is about their adventure together. You know, like how the dark angel uses his powers doing good stuff and also making mischief then getting away with it easily. It’s really fun. They’re like partners in crime.”
“Ok, ok.” I cut my daughter with a wave of a hand because I think that’s where the story became fiction. Although I can also somehow guess those were the times we hang out and made fun memories together. “So how did it end?”
“Hmm, it’s not a fairytale ending though. Because you see, the dark angel has to leave. He needs to go somewhere far coz there are other troubled people like Summer that needed his help. Since his mission with Summer was done, he left him in the island.”
“W-what?” Was it not him that left me because his mother returned and took him back? I want to argue but stop myself from interrupting.
“Yeah. Summer continued living in the island. His life wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. He went back to sitting at the beachfront all by himself again. However, this time, he’s hoping for the dark angel’s return. His difficulty grows together with his increasing age. But with the dark angel’s words, he’s held his head high. In the end, Summer stopped sitting by the shore and decided to no longer wait.” Rosy looks up to me with a sad smile and sighs. “And he lived a more adventurous life from thereafter. The end.”
“O-oh… Is that it? I wonder… what did it mean when he stopped waiting?”
“Who knows,” Rosy shrugs while fiddling the edge of the comforter. “Maybe he’s moved on. Or perhaps he’s crossed the ocean to look for the dark angel? Um, it’s that kind of story, you know. Where you’re the one to make your own ending.”
“Uh… H-huh?” I suddenly bolt up from bed and look at the door. “Um… I forgot about Summer… I mean, Cheri.” I wipe my suddenly misty eyes and take a deep breath. “Sweetheart, uh… you go to sleep already, alright? I’m gonna go make my own ending,” I mumble my last words as the loud thumping of my heart drowns out my voice.
“Alright, daddy. Goodnight. Tell Auntie Cheri goodnight, too.” Rosy sighs and closes her eyes.
“Sure thing, sweetheart,” I agree, giving her one last goodnight kiss on her forehead before turning off the lights.
When I leave the bedroom, I found Cheri lying on the couch with a laptop on his bent knees. Wow, what a cozy way of working, huh. Must be nice. I shake my head and proceed on setting a comfortable nest on the floor for both of us then stare at him in silence.
So Summer, huh.
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