I smiled when I heard the front door being opened just as I was about to finish preparing dinner. "Hey Ante, hey Ethan." I turned away from the oven, my smile widening as I heard steps entering the kitchen.
"Hi." Ethan said softly.
"How was school?" I asked after giving a kiss to Ante.
"It was okay."
"You know, I'm jealous of you. I would have loved to go to school but sadly I was home schooled instead and it sucked." I told him as I put the food on three plates.
"Nazar, language." Ante warned me, making me mentally roll my eyes.
"Come on, I'm sure he heard worse."
We ate and washed the dishes while having some music in the background and then went upstairs for Ethan to take a shower. I waited in the room while he was showering and joined Ante in the corridor once he was done. We wished him a good night and took turns to shower. As I waited for Ante to be done, I laid on the bed and wondered how today's session went. His mood seemed lighter than the past weeks and, while it was a good thing, I wondered what changed. I waited for him to be laying next to me before asking the question that obsessed me these past minutes.
"How was it at work today?"
"It was good. I said goodbye to one of my patients and I'm happy he's going to have a better life in another city." He answered before adding. "Then, in the afternoon I had another session and... She told me about a new chirurgical procedure that could remove burn marks and scars..."
My eyes widened at these words, not expecting it. "A-Are you sure it's legit and not a scam?"
"No, I've made my own researches once she left... They recently started experimenting on humans but so far the hopes are very high for it..." He explained and I could hear the excitement in his voice.
"What about the possible sides effects?" I ended up asking after a minute of silence. I didn't want to ruin his excitement but, from what he just told me, it was still in the early stages of experimentations.
"T-That's a risk to take... But the procedures they have done already went well..."
"I don't doubt that it went well but you don't know what the risks could be ten or twenty years down the road..." I told him in a worried tone.
"Obviously and I won't lie and tell you I haven't thought about it but... I think that's a risk I would be willing to take... I would be too old in twenty years to have such a heavy treatment." He explained in a small voice, making me close my eyes.
"What changed?" I asked, gently putting one of my hands on his cheek. I felt him flinch slightly at the contact of my skin against his burnt one, making my heart beat faster. I took a few seconds to pick the exact words I wanted to say before speaking again. "I think the sessions you're doing with that woman affects you a lot more than you want to let on. Firstly, it was the nightmares starting again, then flinching from time to time when I touch you and now you're willing to risk your life and future to try to change your appearance?"
I felt a liquid roll down my hand and quickly understood it was a tear. I gently wiped it away before continuing to speak. We should have had this conversation a lot sooner: as soon as he started having nightmares or when he started feeling self conscious again.
"You can refer her to another colleague, I'm sure she would understand but you can't help her, or help other kids, if you're starting to fall back in old habits. I'm worried about you, Ante." I whispered, feeling my eyes starting to burn. "Believe me, I would be your first supporter if there was a safe way to remove your scars and burn marks. I know it's something you always wanted but to be willing to take so many risks? T-No. What if it goes wrong? You would be willing to risk everything that we have? What about Ethan?"
I wipped my eyes with my free hand, feeling overwhelmed with emotions. I knew I wouldn't be able to do anything to stop him from doing it.
"I don't want you to think I'm telling you all this because I don't want you to change." I added quickly. "I learnt your face years ago and I would learn it again if needed. I love you so much, I'm just worried something will happen to you..."
I was pulled into a hug, stopping me in the middle of my rant. I breathed deeply as I hugged him back.
"I could have booked an appointment earlier while I was looking at their website but I didn't do it because I wanted to talk to you about it. Of course, I was tempted. I've been hoping for something like that since that accident happened but I know there are risks. And I've read the processus; I know the recovery probably won't be easy. I just..." He explained in a shaky voice and I passed a hand on his back, trying to show him my support. "Mr. Biersack helped me a lot to ignore people's stares and realize that not everyone was looking at me weirdly but it doesn't change the fact that looking more ordinary is what I always wanted..."
I pulled him closer and kissed his temple.
"I think you're right about these sessions... It really brought back many bad memories. I'm trying not to fall back in my old habits and get too insecure again but it's not easy every day..."
"You don't have to keep doing them. She can get the help she needs with someone else. It's harder to be impartial when it's something you personally experienced... I'm not saying you need to call her to cancel her next session but... Let her know that you will contact some of your colleagues and see if someone could take over?" I told him, wipping the tears away from his cheeks.
"I feel like a failure for doing that..." He mumbled after a few seconds of silence. "But I will, I know you're right..."
I kissed him softly before taking him in my arms again. "You're not a failure. Everyone needs help sometimes..."
He sighed but didn't answer, hugging me tighter instead. I was glad we had this much needed conversation. We let the silence lulling us to sleep, not letting go of each other's body...
♂+♂=♥
Waking up with Ante still in my arms made me smile. It had been a while since it happened and I took the opportunity to kiss his forehead gently. He stirred softly in my arms, making my smile grow bigger.
"Good morning." I whispered softly.
"Morning." He answered, snuggling closer to me.
"We should get up, I'm sure Ethan is hungry."
"Mmhh..." He mumbled, not moving.
I chuckled before answering. "Stay in bed, I'll prepare breakfast today."
"You sure? Give me a few minutes and I will make something."
"Stay, I can handle it." I chuckled, giving him one last kiss before stepping out of the bed.
I put some clothes on and went downstairs, already thinking about what I was going to cook. In the end, I decided to do something simple and quick: toasts with some jam on it. I prepared a few for Ante and for myself, wondering if I should make some for Ethan as well. I decided to make some toasts but without anything on it so he would have the possibility to put what he wanted on it. When this was done, I pulled some orange juice out of the fridge and filled three glass before throwing the empty bottle. I smiled when I felt a pair of arms hugging me from behind, feeling lips on my neck a few seconds later.
"Thank you, it looks good."
"I didn't put anything on Ethan's toasts just in case he prefers Nutella over jam." I told him as I turned around to give him a quick kiss.
"I'm pretty sure he will pick Nutella over anything else." He chuckled. "I checked on him before going downstairs and he was awake. He should be here soon."
We sat around the table and waited for Ethan to join us which he did a few minutes later. I greeted him and smiled when he said he would eat the toasts with Nutella; Ante was right. "Any plans for today?" I asked as I was eating a toast.
"I'm not sure. If the weather allows it, I'm sure Ethan would enjoy going to the park. You should come with us."
"Ethan, do you think I look young enough to play on the playground?"
I heard him giggle slightly before answering. "Sure!"
Ante, on the contrary, groaned. "You know this isn't what I meant!"
"You know how much I enjoy annoying you." I replied with a smirk before adding. "But sure, I will come if the weather is great. Walking around the city is always enjoyable."
"Sounds like a plan then!"
Just like that our weekend had been planned. Integrating Ethan in our routines hadn't always been easy but it became a lot less difficult as we learnt his boundaries and I had to admit that it felt like he was part of our little family. I was happy to see the work Ante was doing on Ethan and couldn't be happier that he was slowly coming out of his shell. And I knew he would continue to progress weeks after weeks...
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